Why I May Hesitate

Daily Spirit made a comment on "What a weekend" that I would like to respond to here. She wrote in part "I don't know why it feels that you don't consider yourself as obedient as you could be." I don't mean for it to come across that I question my obedience, I do however, try to keep certain things in check.

Before my addiction (see post "Repentance"), I found myself in a situation, in my church, that I allowed to continue. I was not aware of what was happening or I would have stopped it. I was still to immature to understand.

My church is rather large. Two services to handle the crowd. I was on staff as a counselor and ran some of the outreach programs. The situation that I want to address is that people began to idolize me. This was incredibly obvious after church service. When the congregation would be dismissed a line would start to form in front of me, people wanting prayer. My husband and myself would be there for quit a long time praying for each one. In my immaturity, it never crossed my mind that people were coming to me instead of first going to God.

After I left the church and recovered from my addiction, I began to have some clarity. I began to realize what had been happening. At one point, I even spoke to a women, asking for forgiveness in the way I left the church. She said to me "I saw you as God." By this point in time I had come to realize this and she was a bit shocked when I told her I had come to understand that. She has never forgiven me.

I am back at my precious church. I walk very carefully now. Making sure that this will not happen again. So, I remind people how dirty I am. How undone I can become. How short I fall from the glory of God. I work very hard at keeping people from making me lofty. I always ask, now, "Have you taken this to God first?" Trying to remind them where their answer really lies.

So, if you feel when you read my blog that there seems to be some kind of hesitancy in my writing, it is because I want you to see God not me. Through writing and not being face to face, I believe it to be easier.

We as Christians often go to people instead of God. We see the God in them and want what they have or expect that they can do, through God, signs and wonders that we, ourselves, can not do. This, of course, is not true. My purpose is to bring light to God's people and one of those lights is to teach Christians that they have the same God in them that I do. We all need to check ourselves for idolatry. It is a sneaky plot by Satan that can show up and seem so innocent.

She does not expect this

Myspace Glitters

Happy birthday my daughter a homesteading neophyte

It has been thirty years since I first laid eyes on you. You were such a surprise. After all, I was the first girl in generations. So, I certainly, did not expect a girl. What a wonderful surprise you were. I hope I have done well by you. I cherished the fact that I had a baby girl.

I know that your adult life has had sorrow. You lost your son and now your father. You, however, have showed great strength in all circumstances. This year you have had to take on more roles than most young women but, you endure with grace. I know how much you must miss your father. Especially, him calling you "Honey, baby, sweets". I can't fill that void in your life, but, I love you and will always be your support, confidante and parent.

You make me proud. You see your dreams and go for them. Life will not pass you by. Keep grabbing for that dream you are making it come true. We talk everyday, we laugh a lot, we share intimacies, and complain about life. I look forward to those calls and to the screams of your children in the background.

These are the best years of your life. Enjoy, take advantage of them, have fun. So many times we take life far to seriously. It is a gift from God and gifts are made to enjoy. You are one of my joys and pleasures. A treasure in my chest of gifts.

Generational Gifts

Exodus 20:5

4-6 No carved gods of any size, shape, or form of anything whatever, whether of things that fly or walk or swim. Don't bow down to them and don't serve them because I am God, your God, and I'm a most jealous God, punishing the children for any sins their parents pass on to them to the third, and yes, even to the fourth generation of those who hate me. But I'm unswervingly loyal to the thousands who love me and keep my commandments.

This verse speaks of generational curses. But, I have been thinking, a lot, lately about generational gifts. My question has been, "Are our gifts handed down from generation to generation?" So, I started examining my own heritage to find out. It only seems logical that if there are generational cruses that there would be generational gifts.

I had an uncle, L.Z. who, I know, saw into the spirit realm. He had an incredibly close relationship with God. He would pace the floor, wringing his hands, praying. While praying, God would start to talk to him and he would respond out loud. This uncle was a righteous man. He was digging a well with his brother. They dug by hand. When they had finished for the day, the other uncle, climbed out of the hole, turned around to help my uncle L.Z. out of the hole. The well began to cave in. My uncle L.Z. stood there in the hole looking to the sky and smiling. They tried to dig him out, but, he died in that hole.

He saw God, in that moment of death. He knew God in such away, that death was welcomed. How remarkable this man of God was in life and in death. His gift of seeing and hearing carried him through.

My brother sees into the spirit realm. He does not talk much about it, but, he has shared a bit with me. He,certainly, sees demons. His childhood was riddled with aberrations. Terrifying as it must have been for him, he never told an adult for fear of the consequences. He knows a bit of the future, but, again keeps these things, mostly, to himself.

My children have gifts and suffer, at times, from attacks because of God's plan for them. They do hold the mark of God on them. My daughter dreams. These dreams, at times, become reality. She is not walking with God. I know, from my own experience, that when she does come to God, that these dreams will magnify.

I have three sons. The oldest has come back to God and is hearing Him like he never has before. It is his time to walk God's path. God has a hold of him in a new way and His gifts are growing. He sees into the spirit realm. Not, at will. But, at God's calling.

My middle son has met God, but, at this time is not worshipping Him. He glows in a "peculiar" way when he is walking with God and there is no stopping him. He, also, has seen into the spirit realm.

My youngest, also, knows God. I know that he reads this blog, so "Hello". He can see also and I know he has heard God. His vision is disrupted right now by his lack of worship, but, he will see more clearly in the future. He is a man of compassion.

So, I believe, I have made my case for generational gifts. The closer we walk with God the more intense these gifts. Those of you who are sensitives or empaths or prophets teach your children well. Gifts from God are for God. Teach your children and their children that these gifts are by the grace of God and to be used to His glory.

Christian Rhetoric

I use to work as a counselor in a drug and alcohol clinic. The clinic had a contract with the Department of Corrections. So, they would get men or women straight out of the penitentiary. Some of these folks had been in prison for a very long time and had their own language. If they were talking to each other, I would have no idea what they were saying. It was a foreign language to me. Even when they talked to me, and toned it down a bit, it still remained foreign.

Thus it is with Christians. They have their own language. Foreign to most, isolating for the Christian and it can cause rejection by the new follower.

When I first became a Christian and started a church, I had no idea what many of the words were that were being said. I was resolute though to my Lord and determined to figure the whole thing out. So, I pretended to know what was being said. I would just figure it all out later.

But, what about the new Christian that is on shaky ground. We, as Christians, need to be careful of what is coming out of our mouths. Things like, "grace", "the God in me", "walk by faith", "repentance", "the evil one","walk", "kingdom of darkness" etc. To us it would seem simple, but, let's take the word "repent". To us it means, to turn your back on and never go back. But, to a nonChristian it may just mean to state "I won't do that anymore". The difference between these two definitions can bring trouble to our new friend.

We, truly, need to be simplifying our vernacular. Christian rhetoric can be misleading, misunderstood, and even harmful. We of course, do not want to hurt anyone, but, in our own way this could be happening. There lies the problem. "Our" own way. Language separates groups. It distinguishes one group from another. To get into that group, to understand that group, you must learn their language. But, as Christians, we need to have a language that is fully understood by all, otherwise, we can not fully fulfil God's plans.

I don't want to leave anyone behind that God is calling. I don't want this to happen, just because I isolated myself with my language and made it hard for people to understand what I am saying. I feel that I would be responsible for that lost soul and the payment for that is to great. I believe that we need to tone it down and talk to the mainstream of people about our God. Talk to them in ways that makes sense to them, not with a high and lofty rhetoric.

Spiritual Air Waves

Hebrews 4:12 (The Message)

12-13God means what he says. What he says goes. His powerful Word is sharp as a surgeon's scalpel, cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God's Word. We can't get away from it—no matter what.

"Nothing and no one is impervious to God's word". The key word that I'm going to write about today is "Nothing". This came to me through the I.T.A. method that I wrote about in a past post. The next verse, also, hooks into the information that God transformed in me.

Ephesians 6:17 (The Message)

13-18Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

"God's Word is an indispensable weapon." This showed me application to what He has been talking to me about.

It may sound paranoid but, they are listening. What I'm getting at, is the spirit realm is listening to what is going on with you. I'm not just talking about the spirits that are near by your being. I'm talking about the air waves of the spirit realm. We, as humans, understand how the sound is carried here in this realm. But, have you given much thought to the air waves of the spirit realm. They are listening.

A few weeks ago I wrote about a woman that I have worked with over the years who is very demonized. (see post: Again Deception) I quit working with this woman because her choices were so bad that I felt I was hurting her more than helping her. Also, those things fought so hard for her not to come and see me that our visit had become sporadic. So, I have not seen or heard from her in about two years.

The day after I posted Again Deception, she calls me. I knew that those air waves had been active and that thing in her had picked up what I was doing. The phone conversation was way to long and full of trivia. I, did however, enjoy the spiritual pandering. That thing inside of her was feeling me out to see what I was truly up too. I, gave no clue. A lot of questions were asked, by her and a lot of evasive answers were given by me.

This happens quite often. Spirits pick up on what your saying and doing. I'm not one for believing that if I say something that the devil picks up on it and what I say will then be implemented. I believe that my faith, obedience and relationship with God keeps me safe. But, I will elaborate on this later.

Another example of the air waves is kind of fun. At least, I found it kind of fun. It unnerved my husband. We were in church. There was a fellow sitting up front who was very oppressed by demons. He was being rather disruptive. His voice was carrying through the church and he couldn't sit still. I grew tired of his interruptions, so under my breath I said "anything that is not of God can not speak". Now we were sitting clear across this church from him. When I said this, he turned his head and looked right at me. He was not happy. It made my husband shimmer in discomfort. But, he shut up. Thank you God.

That thing in him heard, through the spiritual air waves and had to obey the command of the faithful in Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Do not be fearful of this fact. It is just that a fact. A law of the spirit realm. It does not mean that the enemy has authority over you or that the ability to hear you will harm you. It is, however, knowledge. And knowledge is power.

The two verses that I quoted at the beginning of this post show you your powerful weapon to fight all things unseen. The Word of God. "Nothing and no one is impervious to the Word of God". Nothing!! "God's Word is an indispensable weapon". Use your weapon. The Word of God. Speak it into the spirit realm. If they can hear your conversations about the mundane, then they can hear your words of life.

We are at war. A spiritual war that is already won. Walk boldly into that war. You have the greatest weapon ever conceived. Use it and remember.

"I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 8:38

What a Weekend

My weekend. So full off highs and lows. I look back on it and wonder at the lessons. But, I am at a lose on some of what happened.

Friday, I did something that I can not remember ever doing. I went out with a friend to shop for books. The woman I went with is one that I am disciplining. The first thing we did though, was minister to another friend.

The woman I'm disciplining, had a vision. She said that she was praying about the church when she was caught up in a vision. The vision was of another member of the church sweeping, with a broom, the front entrance of the church. When he had swept a while, people started to come in, but, he kept sweeping. I told her that this showed that he had the authority to pray out those things in the church that hindered the growth of the church.

She was so excited that we decided to stop by and tell this man of the vision. He was floored and excited. He told us that he struggles with his purpose. He knows by the meaning of his name that he is to walk in authority and is the keeper of the castle. His words invigorated my disciple. She was so excited with this confirmation. It was a great way to start the day.

I so enjoyed my time with her. I didn't have any intrusion from the spirit realm and just relaxed. It was a gift from God.

Sunday was not so relaxing. My husband and I walked into church and had not got two feet in when my eyes met that of a woman who had a demon oppressing her. She gave me that, all to familiar, look of stay away from me. Truly, I wanted to stay away from her. We went in, sat down and here she comes walking by me giving me that same look.

She sat about five rows in front of us. I looked at her back and God told me that she was very sick. My thoughts went to,"well yea. She's got a demon." God was going to a different area than that, He meant she was physically ill. Very ill. I told my husband "I don't want to do this." I tried other means. I went to a friend during worship, who knows everyone in the church,, and asked her if she knew this woman. My thinking was to get this woman's friends to speak to her, thus avoiding just walking up to her with a word. But, no one knew her.

Our pastor aways asks us to greet someone we don't know. So, I excused myself from my husband and walked over to this woman. I introduced myself and she did the same. I took her hand and told her I had a word from God for her. She gave me a strange look but, said "alright". I told her that God said "Your healing is at hand." She nodded "yes". But, continued to just stared at me. I asked if that meant anything to her and she said it did. "Well, I'll be praying for you." I told her and she said thanks.

I went back to my seat and worshiped my God. After church she came back to me. She said when I came to her she did not know what I could be talking about. But, that during the service she had a pain in her arm that she had not had in a long time. Tendinitis. I reminded her what God had said and again told her I'd be praying for her. When she walked away I stated under my breath, that tendinitis was not it. My husband heard me and said "I agree, it is not tendinitis." We both know that there is an ailment within her that she is unaware of and of course there is that demon.

We went to lunch. This is why people like myself isolate. This is why I don't like to go out. We ordered out food and sat down. It was just a little hamburger joint. In comes a boy, about twenty two years of age. I see him and know that he's goal is to steal. There was no one at the counter so he looks over the counter but, sees nothing to steal so he walks out. But, he comes back in with a friend. This time they are going to order food. While one is ordering, I'm drawn to the other. Suddenly, I'm in his head. He was having the most horrible thoughts about the young woman behind the counter. For myself, a woman, it was rape. No other word for it. He lingered in that thought for what seemed and eternity. I felt violation for the woman.

My relief was great when they sat down behind a partition where I could no longer see them, but, I could hear them. My husband couldn't but, I could. They were sharing thoughts about the young woman. I started to talk a lot about nothing to my husband. I wanted to run. To leave my food and go home.

Home is my sanctuary. I got there and wondered at what had happened. Why is that kind of thing for me. Is it so I will pray. Someone surely needs to pray for those boys. If not for prayer, then I have no idea why this happens to me.

Holding up in my cave, I felt safe. But, the phone rang and I was asked to go pray healing over a woman that was in serious pain. I agreed before I thought about the day. So, I went to pray for a dear friend. While there the Spirit of God fell so very strong. It was wonderful to feel His presence and bask in His glory. He fell on my friend and healed her. No pain, freedom of movement again. She rejoiced and danced. God is a miracle maker.

I got home and pondered the weekend. Highs and lows. Miracles and wonders. Light and dark. Why? God teaches the teachable. I hope that I am teachable. I do not believe that anything is by accident, so, I believe that God taught me all weekend. But, did I make and "A" or did I fail. Or could it be that the learning curve is such that I am getting a "C". I suppose it does not matter as long as I learn.

What did I learn. It was reinforced to me to always be ready for Him. To always be expecting. I have always known that the human conditions was low, but, this weekend I "heard" how low it can go. I learned, this weekend, how very dirty the flesh can be. I learned how much work there is to be do in this realm to be able to overcome. Oh, I've always know to an extent, but, this weekend this was made known to me in a very realistic way.

Peculiar

Did you know that we Christians are a peculiar people. I love that. I have a new friend whom I have been disciplining. She is a sensitive but, is just now starting to walk in that. She has told me that she found in the Bible were she is a peculiar person and that it helped her to have peace with who she is in God. So, I looked up the verse. Was I surprised. Peculiar people, in the King James, are all over the place. God recognizes us as a peculiar people.

1. Exodus 19:5
   Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine:
   
   
2. Deuteronomy 14:2
   For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God, and the LORD hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth.
   
   
3. Deuteronomy 26:18
   And the LORD hath avouched thee this day to be his peculiar people, as he hath promised thee, and that thou shouldest keep all his commandments;
   
   
4. Psalm 135:4
   For the LORD hath chosen Jacob unto himself, and Israel for his peculiar treasure.
   
   
5. Ecclesiastes 2:8
   I gathered me also silver and gold, and the peculiar treasure of kings and of the provinces: I gat me men singers and women singers, and the delights of the sons of men, as musical instruments, and that of all sorts.
   
   
6. Titus 2:14
   Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
   
   
7. 1 Peter 2:9
   But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light

Other versions of the Bible say "His people", a people set on high, special people. But, I looked up the definition of peculiar. "Unusual". "strange", "wonderful", "Odd", and "unique".

This all got me thinking. I don't see that most Christian's would want to be considered "peculiar". Most want to fit into the main stream. To not be in the minority. But, I do see them hunger to be like the person in church who seems to be closer to God. Thus peculiar. A person whom does not fit into the main stream.

Peculiar does equals "set apart". I have never liked being told I was set apart. I fought being peculiar. I fought being in the minority. But, when I became a Christian there was no stopping this path.

When you read the verses above, it is as if God demands we be a peculiar people. If we are not, are we walking against His way. I believe we are. Peculiar should be a badge of honor to the Christian. Shouting to the world "I am peculiar and proud of it." But, no. We hide our faith, try to fit in and keep very quiet.

I have come to love the peculiar in me. Even though, most of the time, I still believe that I'm normal the rest of you are not. The more I embrace being "set apart" the more God uses me and the clearer I hear Him.

Are you "set apart"? Are you "peculiar"? Are you, in all sense of the word - A Christian? Or, if you truly search yourself, are you in fear of being "peculiar"?

Comment Graphics at pYzam.com

I have had it

Is the world getting more dangerous? Are criminals getting more brazen? Are we so soft on them that they feel they can do whatever they want, whenever they want? Personally, I have had it with them all.

In the last two weeks, I have stopped to different crimes. Oh now, I'm not in the least a willing participant in crime stopping. I'd rather there not be any crime. It just so happened, that I was in the right place at the right time to see the crime in action and do something about it.

The first one was while I was at home. I was in my living room, in the middle of the day, when I noticed two men walking down my street. Not an unusual sight, I live on a river surrounded by parks, so people are always around. But, these two were not right. I watched them cross in front of my house and when they got in front of my neighbors home, they sped up, like a fire had been lite underneath them both. One went to the front door, the other went around to the back.

Now, sometimes I second guess myself, but, this time I knew "this ain't right." So, while watching them I called the police. I had quit the adrenaline rush going. It felt good to see the bad guys getting caught. Well, sort of. The police got there in time to only find one and he was leaning on a tree at the river when they found him. They padded him down and I watched as they let him go on his way. The police told me that they know that he was up to no good. But, he had no warrants and he would not let them search his pockets. How irritating is that.

Then, yesterday, I went over to a store. When I was leaving I saw two men harassing an elderly man in his car. One was yelling at him and then stood in front of his car so he could not leave. The elderly man was not taking all this in stride, he was telling them off, but, looking quite frightened. I started to pull my car out thinking, "OH, please. Can't I just go on home." But, NO. I go and pull up beside the commotion and roll my window down -just a little. "Hey, leave him alone" was my brave command. What a look I got. The phrase "your dead lady" comes to mind. What they did instead was to come after me. But, of course, this was my plan all along. Not really, but it makes good reading. When they decided that I would be good pickings, the elderly man drove off and when he got free, I got free and ran home to tell my husband what an idiot I am.

A few years back, I got the honor of hearing Mark Bubeck speak. He was amazing. When he took a break,he came over and sat down in front of me and shared with me what God had told him about myself. One of the things he talk in length about was Psalm 91. He told me that God wanted me to memorize it and keep it dear to my heart.

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation


I do keep this Psalms close to my heart. I believe every word of it. It is a chapter of the Word of God to be kept dear to the hearts of all Christians in this, the end of days. There is much cruelty in this place and we need to stand firm on the promises of God. Although I stand on this incredible Psalm, I do not walk into stopping a crime thinking I will not be hurt. Actually, I don't think I did much thinking at all. Have wisdom about those things that will soon be in all of our lives, but, understand that whatever road God takes you down is the right road and you will not be hurt. You will survive to see the Glorious Maker of the universe.