Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Where Am I??

Lately I have been much ado about nothing.

I have watched has the world falls further in decay and pray that the Lord's will be done here in this place. But, I know that where God is there to is Satan. I wonder, how many of us come under confusion in this hour.

I have, again, fallen under persecution, from the church. Which causes me to ponder my walk with God.

By walking in my gifts that the Lord has given me, I am again, ousted from the church. Because one does not understand a gift does not make it from Satan. So, I ask myself, am I out of line with God. Am I deceived by Satan and am serving him instead of the Living God.

So, in the eyes of the church I follow another besides Jesus. I am far from my redeemer.

My husband reminds me that the proof of walking with God is in the fruit of our labor. I have seen many blessed by God using me. But, if God is the great deceiver, than maybe those blessings are nothing more than the power of suggestion.

If I sound confused, I am. I know....Satan if the author of confusion. But, I must thing this salvation is my concern.

Tired of leaving churches, my next move will be to either find another or stop going all together. I am not persecuted by my brothers and sisters in Christ, only by their spiritual head...the pastor. I am seen as dangerous by those in authority.

So, I ponder. Am I right in the eyes of God. Have I stepped over that spiritual line between God and darkness. Where am I...what am I in God's eyes? If He made me this way then He knew what lied ahead of me in the church. Where does he want me? It must not be going to church.

I would suppose that God would not want me to isolate..but, his leaders rebuke me and send me on my way. Oh, I could stay at the church I am at now, but, I would not be able to speak truth nor pray for the sick. I would be silenced.

I still have my small group, but that is through the church that is silencing me. They will tell those who attend, that go to the church, to stop going. That is just a small percentage of those who come, but it is still a call to silence me.

So, again I ponder. What do I do? Do I close my small group...Do I find another church....Do I isolate and keep silent? I do not have the answer as of yet. I, truly, have not asked God this question yet. Maybe, I do not want to know the answer.

I am a friend of God and I hope He is my friend. I pray that I am in line with the Holy of Holies.