Friday, May 30, 2008

Birth Pains of Evil

We had a visitor last night. A friend whom I truly enjoy. We were talking about my last post. I was telling him that I had had a few comments from people that were also feeling the evil in the air. He suddenly said "birthing pain."

The "birth pain" of the rise of evil. Not something I really want to concentrate on.

Revelation 9:13-15

Then the sixth angel sounded: And I heard a voice from the four horns of the golden altar which is before God, saying to the sixth angel who had the trumpet, “Release the four angels who are bound at the great river Euphrates.” So the four angels, who had been prepared for the hour and day and month and year, were released to kill a third of mankind.

Could it be that this is what we are feeling. The birth pains of the release of these four evil angels. My heart breaks for humanity with the oncoming release of evil. As a Christian, when I feel this evil, it unnerves me. I can not imagine what this will be like. My senses become overwhelmed with the reality of what is to come.

birth pain2
I think that what Patti wrote in the comments of my last post is a word worth heeding. She wrote: " When Babylon (systems of the world that are controlled by the evil one) falls, make sure your feet are not planted there or any little roots, as you will be taken away with it. (Like being in a building when there is an earthquake. Let's all ask the Lord to show us if we have any idols of this world which are keeping us from being totally His. The only power that is stronger than the evil one is His, and contain that power in our earthen vessels."

We certainly do need to search ourselves and find those things inside of us that keep us from the intimacy of our loving God. Those things that separate us from His glory. Will we be strong enough to hold off the hordes of evil. Or will we succumb to the ways of the world.
birth pain 3
It is so easy for us to get caught up in the world and leave those things we know to be just and true behind. Or to dabble in the things of the world thinking that it can not harm us. But, beware my dear friend, the time is nigh, and the birth pains have begun. Hold fast to the things of God. Dig deeper into His word and His love. I agree with Patti, if we are not sure footed, we will certainly slip.

Thursday, May 29, 2008


Luke 8:10
He said, "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that, " 'though seeing, they may not see; though hearing, they may not understand.

I have written about the first time that I heard the audible voice of God in the post "The Farm". But, I have since found the above mentioned verse that confirms my thoughts on whether what I heard from God was a parable or not.

Do you not love how God confirms what He needs and wants from you? In my early walk with God, I had, so many times wondered at if I was truly hearing Him or not. But, sure enough He would confirm my doubts and I would have a sure foundation to walk on.

cross orange
Now, I know for sure that I am hearing God and need no confirmation, although, at times I still get the confirmation. This past Sunday, at church, I was asking God to speak to me about going back to the farm. I wanted to make sure that I was doing the write thing. So, I asked to hear His voice. Instead, I closed my eyes to worship and had a vision for someone in the church.

Ok, I thought, I'll go and give her the word. After speaking to the woman, I came back to my seat and again began to worship. I quit trying to get a word about the farm and just enjoyed the worship.

But, when we sat down to listen to my pastor, God started to speak. One of the things He said, was that my brother, Only In His Service, would have an answer about the first word I ever heard from God. This would be a confirmation of what I believed the word to be, instead of a parable.
After church we went to lunch with my brother. I began to share with him and my husband the things that God had told me in church, but did not share that my brother would have a confirmation word for me. When I shared the word from God that "No predator will cross your land" my brothers face lit up and he said "the predator is a unmanned aircraft used by the military." This was interesting. I told him he was confirming the word from God about the farm.

"No predator will cross your land." When ever we try to see the land on Google maps or any other satellite image, you can not see it. You can get over it, but it is always blurry and a different color than all the rest of the map. My brother confirmed to me that what we are doing, by going back to the farm is correct.
I do not look for confirmation anymore, but it sure is nice when you get it. Especially, in a situation like this. A life changing situation. I praise God for confirmation and for wanting to commune with His people. Our God is an awesome God.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Be Assured

My new blog The Tough Get Going, is about our move back to the farm. This will take a long time to accomplish, but we feel it is necessary. This is the place my husband and I have planned on retiring. But, it is not exactly what I want to do.

Our reasons for preparing it now are many but, mostly biblical. There is, however, the fact that my husband works aircraft and aircraft is a risky place to work in recession or any kind of slow down in the economy. We see the price of gas and wonder at how we will be able to continue to eat and even get to work. So, we have decided to become self sufficient, so that when the time comes that there will be no work in town we will be able to continue on the farm.

I am, also, being drawn by God to go there and with things the way they are right now in the city, I am ready to go. I do not fully understand what I am about to write now, but it does contribute to us going back to the farm.

I continue to have days where I feel evil in the air. I have written about this before in the post "Evil in the Air". In that post I wrote: "This is the second time that I have experienced this evil in the air. The other time was, but only, a few months back. Why? I believe that we, this human race, are sinking deeper into the schemes of the evil one. Blinded by our pride, arrogance, lust and greed, we set ourselves above God and ignore the signs of the times. It certainly looks like and feels like, time is short and evil is growing stronger. So if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, should not we decide it is a duck.

If time is short, what are you doing in your life to prepare. Are you still skimming the shallows of your relationship with Christ. If you are, you are weak. And in your weakness, evil will suck you into the abyss of his palace without you blinking an eye."
evil 3
Well, it happened again. My husband and I left the house and sure enough, there it was again. EVIL. I talked to my husband, who believes that because he works with so many secular people that he is use to the feeling. I thought about this a moment but then realized, it is in the air, not just the people.

We went to the store. Walking through the store, I was certainly uneasy. I do not quit understand to the full extent why I feel this evil. While in the store the feeling intensified to the point of making me on guard. I was not frightened, but a bit on edge. As we walked, I could not help but talk about it and every once in a while I would say "Oh, no." because someone would come by who was so full of evil that I felt overwhelmed.

There was a point though where I had an encounter of spirits. As we walked, I saw a man. When I first saw him, he was looking right at me. Our eyes met and locked on each other. I know my mouth said the "Oh,no" again. The man sped up his pace as we stared each other down and his feet where headed straight for me. It was as if we were playing chicken in the spirit realm.
I knew who he was and he knew who I was. I was of God and he was of Satan. I watched as he got closer, wondering what was going to happen next. He got within about three feet and veered away from me. Thank you God. His appearance is notable,because it made me think of the angle of light. He was pleasant looking, blond, well dressed. Not at all what we, in our earthly minds, would associate with evil. But, he was. Pure EVIL.

These events of, evil in the air, seem to be coming more often. I remember the first time and it seems like it was over a year ago when I was with my daughter. Now, it has happened several times in the last couple of months.

The word of God says:

Revelation 18:2
With a mighty voice he shouted: "Fallen! Fallen is Babylon the Great! She has become a home for demons and a haunt for every evil spirit, a haunt for every unclean and detestable bird.

Revelation 12:12
Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short."

There is certainly an increase of evil happening. I have never thought of myself as a watchman, but today I feel the need to take on that role. It would seem that I feel these things to warn you, my dear reader, that, as you know, time is short. But, you know that. So, even though you know, you need to be assured. I am assuring you now. Time is short, evil is increasing.
evil g

Be prudent, pray and follow the leading of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Weather is Driving Me to Cut Wood

I know that I am late to post. I know that I stated I was starting a new blog. I know that I need to get a watch. But, I also know, that I need God.

This has been a wild few days. I did start the new blog. It is at The Tough Get Going. It is about a new adventure that myself and my family are setting out on.

As for my being late to post today. Well, we here in Kansas have been having really bad weather. REALLY BAD. A lot of tornado's, straight line winds, and huge hail. Last night we were have out 5th night of horrible weather. I did not think that it was as bad as it has been the last few days. But, while sitting on my couch, I heard a loud explosion and crackling sounds. I thought a transformer had blew up.

All the power went out. So, I found the lanterns and candles, then went to the back window to see if a transformer was on fire. Could not see a things. My back yard is part of a forest in town and was very dark. My brother came down from the upstairs and said when he looked out something did not look right in my son's backyard. My son owns the house next door.
We went out and there it was. A huge, I mean huge, Oak tree laying in my son's backyard. It was my tree. It sat on my property, fell through my son's new fence and landed in his yard. It takes up the entire yard.
We called for help. But, because we were not the only one with problems, we were told it would be 2-4 hours before the electric company would be out. So, 4 hours later they show up and say that until we can get some of the tree limbs out of the way, they will not hook our electrical line back up. We went to bed.

This morning the horrible mess became vivid. This will take a long time, si all we could think. But, we got to work or at least the guys did. I took pictures. First an ax was used, while my husband went for the chain saw. Then came the chain saw and ropes. Now, we have cleared the area so the electrical lines could be put back. So, the call goes out to the electric company. Another 2-4 hours wait. So, we sat down and ordered lunch.

Finally, we have the men with the right tools and I get electricity.
Now, what to do with this enormous tree. Called the tree man. Believe it or not God sent us the most incredible tree man. He is doing the whole thing for $300.oo. We will keep the wood, knowing we can use it on the farm. This man states, he just wants to help people. Awesome.

We will, together, as a family fix the fence and I hope that my excitement is over. The trip to the farm on Saturday and storm after storm. I'm wanting to just have a relaxing day without any events. Good luck say's "I".

Throughout everything, God is always present and working His plan. We are blessed in so many ways. The house was not harmed, the price for clean up is incredible and over the last few days my children and I have made many plans and are growing closer. God's plans. I love His every plan.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Wer'e Having Fun Now!!!

image from tombstone generator

I have been memeed in the strangest way. The question is "who would you take in your covered wagon on the Oregon Trail"?

My daughter, A Homesteading Neophyte, gave me this wonderful surprise and an interesting explanation as to why she wanted to have me on her trip. To quote her reasoning:

only because she is my mother and if I don't include her I will get a phone call "Why don't you want your mother along?" ~grin~ love ya mom. My mother has many skills that would go along with the trail, one would be catching bees so that we could travel with honey.

The bee thing is very interesting. I posted on my daughters blog when her computer was down. I wrote about my own experiences with homesteading. If you would like to read this post on bees click here.

As for whom I would like to go with me in a covered wagon on the Oregon Trail:

Desert Cat: Because, I believe he has guns to protect me and kill dinner.

Only In His Service: He can build things and repair. Oh, Yea. When that wagon wheel breaks, he will be handy.

Prairie Dreams: She gets things done.

Thoughts Along the Way
: We need someone to keep us calm.

Daily Spirit: She will be able to tell us what lies ahead.

The Tough Get Going

Ecclesiastes 2:14
The wise man’s eyes are in his head, But the fool walks in darkness. Yet I myself perceived That the same event happens to them all.
Proverbs 22:3
A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.
Psalm 27:5
For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
Psalm 55:8
I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm."
Zephaniah 2:3
Seek the LORD, all you humble of the land, you who do what he commands. Seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you will be sheltered on the day of the LORD's anger.
Psalm 17:8
Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings
Psalm 64:2
Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked, from that noisy crowd of evildoers.
Psalm 143:9
Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for I hide myself in you.
Isaiah 16:3
"Give us counsel, render a decision. Make your shadow like night— at high noon. Hide the fugitives, do not betray the refugees.

Monday, I will start a new blog.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

God's Timing

I carry a journal with me everywhere I go. Well, let's say, I usually carry a journal with me everywhere I go. Sometimes I forget it and end up with a piece of paper.

I carry one because, I hear from God so often, that I need to carry one to write down what He is saying.

The other night, I forgot the journal. So, I got a piece of paper.

I was in a meeting and once in a while God would speak to me about someone in the room. So, I would write.

While there one of the things that God spoke to me was spoke out, but the others were kept to myself. I wait for God to create a time for me to speak.

The next morning, I got a call from someone that was in that meeting and from whom God had given me a word. The conversation started with just chit chat. I had actually forgotten about the word that God had given me. That's why I write the words down.

Then the real reason she called came forth. She said, "Last night, I saw you writing while we were in the meeting." "Yea, I write down what I hear God saying." I answered. "Well, I believe you have something for me, because God told me you do."

My thoughts went to "she's not going to like this." I have know this woman for years and she does not like to hear certain things. I knew that this was not a word that she would except easily. But, God's timing is remarkable, so I let her have it. The word that is.
fire tree

"God says, that there is a part of you that you will not let in. You fight that part of you and you know what it is."

There was silence on the other end of the phone. We sat there listening to each other breath. After the long silence I hear, "I know what that is." Sure enough, it was hard for her to except. But, because of God's timing, she did except it. She talked about change, attitude and life. I was awed at what she was saying because for years she has needed to make changes but has, as God said, fought the change. She has been told by many that these changes needed to take place but she would not listen. Yet, now she was listening.

It truly amazes me how God's times our lives. What was it that needed to happen in this woman's life before this word was given? She could have changed her thinking years ago by a word from God, but she had to go through something before He spoke at that very moment. He orchestrates our lives in such a way that every little intricate detail plays into His plans for us. Truly an amazing God.
Details are so important to God. We need those details and to learn from them. I have no idea what it was that this woman needed to go through and learn, but the lesson has been learned and she has been set free. But, now it comes down to her choice. To continue in the lesson or to step back into the muck of life.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


Sometimes when God teaches you something the lesson feels almost intolerable.

Last night, I was in a meeting with Christian women. Roseann, from my prophetic team, was there. Roseann is a lot like me, as far as giftings are given by God. She sees into the spirit realm, hears the spirit realm and can taste the spirit realm.

As we sat there last night, I looked over at her. She suddenly says, "are you in my heard?" I said "No. Are you in mine?" and laughed. But, the truth is, I was. Her mind seemed to be in chaos and I kept hearing the word "toy". So, throughout the meeting we kept looking at each other.

When the leader of this meeting decided to close, she asked for prayer request. Roseann said she had one. She said that God was giving her so much information that she was full of anxiety. It was to much.

So began a long conversation between the two of us about the spirit realm, in front of women who had little idea what we were talking about.

toy top
The word "toy", that I kept hearing, was about the fact that she was wand up tight like a toy top. She needed to unwind and relax. She said her children had told her the day before that she needed to play. I say, she needs to let go of the string that keeps pulling her so tight and hand it to God. Give him control.

She can not control what is happening to her, except to distinguish between the thoughts in her head. These thoughts are a combination of her, her spirit, God and Satan. God is teaching her more about her gifts and Satan is bombarding her with confusion and nonsense. To me, it looks like God will be giving her a revelation and Satan throws in a thought at the same time. To Roseann this feels like God is giving her to much.
I understand what Roseann is going through. I wrote about my first experience in the spirit realm in the post Satan Himself. I had been told that God never gives you more than you can handle. This helped me get through that time. But, Roseann knows this and is still in a state of anxiety. I was in her head enough to know she is ready to quit. To go back to ignorance of the spirit realm, to walk away from her giftings and say "enough".
Why are these first lessons, for people like Roseann and myself so hard? I believe that it is God preparing us for a hard time ahead. I know that seems like a obvious statement, but I do not think that you, my dear reader, and I are thinking of the same thing. My thoughts are on the end of days and what God is preparing us for.

Roseann and myself can read people. We can see what is inside of them. When can feel the mood of the world and because of that know when to get out of a situation. Our knower knows what time it is and what to do next.

God uses that in us. He uses it to minister to people and to lead us into safety.

Roseann is learning a hard lesson. She is learning about suffering. How it is for some, right now, and how it will be for many in the days to come. She will meet many who will be in the state that she is in now and be able to minister to those people in a great way. She will identify and bring peace. But, her lessons come with a price. She knows the future of this place.

She has not come to understand, yet, what it is God is teaching her and right now feels it is to much. But, God will guide her through and she will find the truth. Lessons are hard. Especially, when it is with such a big purpose.
This place, this world, is not a safe place. We are headed for a world without God. He will be regarded as a superstition and those who follow will be regarded as criminals and hate mongers. Roseann will be a light into that world.

She feels weak and alarmed. But, she will endure and come out the other side with joy. She will see her purpose more clearly and rely on the Lord even more. Knowing that she is helpless but hopeful she will take her place in the plans of God.

Monday, May 19, 2008

God's Voice

Exodus 19:19

Then Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him.

While I was in the mountains, one night I was woke up by a voice. This voice called my name. I laid there for a minute wandering if God was calling me. but then I realized it was not the voice of God.

I have heard the audible voice of God and knew who was speaking. It was completely different from any other voice I have ever heard. There was a serenity to the sound and an authority. The occasions where I have heard the audible voice of God were also, occasions where the word that I was hearing was about the unknown. Words that were personal and prophetic.

But, often, I hear people ask "How do I know it is not my voice"? This question and doubt stand in the way of your intimacy and obedience to God. I believe that this question is put into our minds by Satan to disarm us from our God given gift of hearing and knowing the voice of God.

First off, it is not your voice that you are hearing. The dictionary defines your voice as, the sound or sounds uttered through the mouth of living creatures, esp. of human beings in speaking, shouting, singing, etc. Your mind is full of thoughts not voices. The mind is a busy place. There are your thoughts, the thoughts that Satan puts there and the thoughts that God puts there.
Lets call your thoughts your "mind voice." Now, your actually not hearing these thoughts either. The definition of hearing is, the act of perceiving sound. There is no sound or others would here it. The mind voice is more of a perception. To perceive something is defined as, to recognize, discern, envision, or understand: I perceive a note of sarcasm in your voice. This is a nice idea but I perceive difficulties in putting it into practice. So, your thoughts are discerned.

If you are looking for a perceived difference between your mind voice and God's voice you are not going to get a different voice. It is all in one. Your mind voice.

So, now that that is cleared up, I go back to the original question of "How do I know if it is God's voice"? To discern between the mind voice of God, Satan and your own, you will need to learn to,
cast down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5.

If you really start discerning what is going on in your head, you are the one pushing out those words from God. Catch every thought to the obedience of God. Learn to discern your own thoughts. Cast down those inopportune thoughts. There are plenty to cast down. Discipline your mind to catching the thoughts of God. You will then learn the thought of God. He will share with you and you will learn obedience to His thoughts.
It is not a matter of hearing God's voice. It is a matter of discerning your thoughts from God's. The business of our minds blot out and make it difficult for us to understand the thoughts of God. Quit looking for that audible voice and look within for the thoughts of the Creator of the Universe.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Well, "OK"

There are times in our lives when we just want to say, "I quit". Well, I came close in the mountains.

First, my computer broke. Ouch!!! It is now being fixed.

A friend went with me to the mountains. We went there so my oldest son could face some charges he had from his life as a drunk. While there I stayed with another son.

Well, the 0ldest son, went to jail. This was no surprise to me, but I still was unhappy. He will serve 22 days and then come back to Kansas to try sobriety. I have faith that this will happen.

So, my friend and I stayed with my other son to show her the sites. Well, this was fun, but it began to snow. It snowed a lot. Really, a lot. We could not leave. Stuck, oh yea, we were stuck.

She called her husband and told him. His response was to get a bottle of alcohol and drink himself into stupidity. He was suppose to be taking care of her 4 children. He brought his girlfriend, yep that is what I said, my friends, husband, brought his girlfriend, into their home. He decided to get intimate with the girlfriend in front of the children. The oldest of the children drew a glass of water on them. The husband took off after the daughter and tried to hit her in the front yard. A neighbor stepped in and took the blow. So, you guessed it, a fist fight started. The oldest then called a relative for help and the children left the home.

Ok. Now my friend, stuck in the mountains, is loosing it. Don't blame her. In order to talk on the phone, cell phone, there where no house phones, you had to stand outside in the falling snow and not move an inch or you would loose signal. She stood out there for hours trying to understand, figure out and resolve what was happening in her home 900 miles away.

I kept asking God, "What is going on?" The answer came from my friend. She had been in the marriage for 17 years. He has beat her, in the past and continues to drink and have girlfriends. The last year, there have been many split ups and make ups. She has always tried to fix him.

God showed her on this trip that she had no control. Absolutely none. She knew this intellectually but not on the level she needed to know. She had no where to turn but to God and she turned, feeling helpless and knowing how badly she needed him.

The weather began to turn a bit better, but my friend, who drove, was a bit afraid to drive. So, I took the keys and off we went. We drove over this incredible pass that twisted and turned. It snowed and was slick at times. But, God drove while I prayed.

We are home. My friend has a Protection order and he, the husband, had to leave. She was here last night confessing to her control issue and praising God for the ultimate lesson.

For myself, I am grateful to God that my friend received the lesson and am glad that he used this time to show her the way. But, for me. I just wanted to quit. Sit down, watch the world go by and eat. Yep, eat. But, you can never quit. God continues to use you even when it seems the darkest of times. I watched as he orchestrated these events and set free a friend in need.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Break Time

I am in Colorado taking a break. Visting with a son, having a blast. See ya Wednesday.

Friday, May 9, 2008

We Can Make Things Complicated

My community group met last night and one could tell there was something wrong.

During praise and worship you could feel it in the air. I thought that maybe it was because one member was not there. That thought made me sad, thinking that we relied on one person to get the Spirit of God moving. Then I thought, maybe it is me with my state of mind. I decided that whatever it was I was just going to keep on keeping on.

I had a vision, shared it and prayed over the woman that the vision was for. But, the group was rather stand offish and I was the only one who laid hands on her. This confused me a bit, because these people are always ready to lay hands on each other. So, I continued and we watched the DVD that is provided by the church.

close to God
The DVD was about getting close to God. During and after the lesson, there are questions that show up on the screen that we discuss. One of the questions was, "What motivates you to get close to God?" There were several answers, but towards the back of the room, I heard "Shame".

I looked back and repeated "Shame?" A very mature Christian was standing in the far back corner of my dinning room replying back to me "Yes, shame." What a strange answer, I thought. So, I asked "How is shame a motivator?"

The conversation took off and more and more was revealed. He had not been to group for 11 weeks because he had been in a community play. This play was secular in nature and he had, only on Sunday, been around Christians. He is an intellectual, well read, and a analytical person. His dive into the secular world had brought him to a place were he was questioning his faith. This doubt, shame, guilt and defensiveness was affecting our whole meeting.shame

We prayed for him and gave words of knowledge etc. The group was more responsive to his needs than they had been to others earlier. But, while praying for him, I saw a spirit of defensiveness rise up in him, so I bound it up. Before this he was not receiving what we were praying or saying. It was a real battle to minister to him.

It was suggested to him that he get an inner healing, which is something that I do for people. He said, "Don't you have to be retentive to do that kind of thing." He shared that he was not sure that he wanted to repent from certain things in his life.
It was getting late by this time and we began to break up to go home.

While he was leaving, my son had a word for him. They were talking in the front yard when I stepped out to say good-bye. He started to ask questions about inner healings. He told me that there were certain things that he would never admit to a human being, so he felt that an inner healing would not work for him. I shared that there are certain things that are between him and God and it is not anyone else's business. I did not share with him that I already knew what his secret was.

I decided to let him know that I knew these things by giving examples of other people that had gone through inner healings and had the same issues. That opened him up. It gave him permission to speak openly. That thing on him began to weaken. Praise the Lord.

His reason for not wanting to repent is that these issues have been with him since he was a child and no matter what ministry he goes to or how hard he prays they always comes back. He feels hopeless.
These things lay deep inside of him and manifest when he is outside of the Christian family. They felt bold when he walked into my home last night and felt no need to hide. That was their mistake. It took me a long time to find out what was wrong in the group and I chalk that up to my own state of mind. But, these things were exposed and bound up. Now, my friend has to find hope and the desire for freedom. He is not going to lose his faith and it is not always a bad thing to question your faith. That questioning can bring you into a deeper relationship with God. What he does need to do, is believe in the healing power of God and that he will be alright after these things are gone.

It is a sad thing to see someone so low and with such a strong feeling of helplessness. He has resolved within himself that this is the way it is. But, that resolve is not of God. He has been lied to over and over again, by these things that oppress him. This has been going on for so long that he believes the lies. He is comfortable with these things and yet sees the sin in them and wants reprieve. He knows that this state of confusion is not of God, but feels that to repent is useless.
I am praying for him. I pray that God's revelation of truth fall upon him and he see that he is not in a room with no door out. I thank God for Jesus and His sacrifice. Whenever I see someone in this kind of quagmire, I have that hope that comes from knowing that through Jesus, he is saved.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

A Letter to My Readers

My Dear Readers,

The truth is I feel dried up. I have not got back into the swing of things and feel that I am lacking in my blogging.

I am trying to plug back into my church activities, housework, crocheting, blogging, but am having a great deal of trouble doing so. My concentration is gone and I have very little motivation.

A dear friend came by and told me that it is the Jewish tradition to mourn for a year and that it took that long with her mother. I, on the other hand, feel that it is time to get on with the task. That is what my pastor has told me and I agree. The problem is my mind and body are not quit ready. I need to give myself permission to take as long as it will to grieve.

Tonight I am going to go ahead and have my community group hear at my home. I was suppose to call everyone, that comes, and tell them it would occur. But, I have not called. Two are coming and that is only because they called or I saw them. I do not want to do anything.

So, I am trying to push myself back into the world. God, on the other hand, can not be pushed. I feel, a bit, detached even from Him. I seek Him in the mornings and wait for His nudging on what to write on my blog and I since nor hear not a word.

What I am trying to say to you, dear reader, is that if my posts seems vague, erratic, lost or just plain boring, it is because I have become those things for now. I am working my way back to myself, but for now, this is who I am.

I am a supernatural Christian processing the loss of her mother.


Wednesday, May 7, 2008


The word of God says that if I "have not love, I am nothing".

1 Corinthians 13:2
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

I experienced love, while my mother laid dieing and was overwhelmed by that example of Jesus.

We hear that we are suppose to walk in love, but how to do that and how to show that can be elusive to us and foreign to our nature. But, I experienced love in amazing ways and have learned how deep the love of God can go in humans.

A friend came to the hospital the day my mother died and sang over her. She sang softly and lovely to her. The songs where peaceful and filled the room with love. No matter where my mother was in that moment of death, she heard.

Another friend showed up in the room at midnight to check on me. We walked a bit and talked. Her support and sacrifice was beautiful. She listened to me and prayed for me. I was moved by her love.

Another showed up everyday and sat we me and my brother. She prayed and sang and talked to us. She would go get help, bring us items and just love us. Her presence was pure peace.
The church cleaned my house, brought food, created a memorial, came to the funeral and prayed. The prayers were constant and only full of love. They listened to me and witnessed to me. People I would never have expected showed up on my door step and talked to me about death, God and love.

I have served at many funeral dinners but, have never experienced the amount of love that was poured out for my mother. I am humbled by that movement of God.

God's love is deep within His people. To know this on an intellectual level is one thing but, to experience is another. I never think of myself as walking constantly in love. The love of God comes on me when I am ministering to someone. But, these fellow brother and sisters showed that all you have to do, is love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.

Monday, May 5, 2008

The Room was Crowded

I am trying to get back into the swing of things. This is not working very well. Every time I turn around there is something else to do with the death of my mother.

Time passes slowly and yet fast. I try to just keep my eyes on God and see where tomorrow goes. But,tomorrow seems to keep leading back to her death. So, as I sit here trying to write a post, I am again lost as to what to write.

So, much happened while I sat at the hospital with my mother. So, much supernatural and natural. But, all with the significance that only God can put on the most mundane of events.

I have a great deal of trouble in hospitals, because of my ability to see into the spirit realm. The entities are everywhere. While my mother lay dieing, I would see what I thought was her getting up. It was a natural thought, seeing how I had taken care of her for so long. But, when I would look up, it would be an entity of some sort. It would be such a let down.
The night before she died, I was talking to some friends when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look and saw a boy standing next to me. He stood about 4 feet tall, with black hair and a stout build. His age alludes me. His sudden appearance startled me.

I looked for a Godly reason for his being there. But, have found none. Who was he? Why the appearance? Or does there have to be a rhyme and reason for everything. Of course there is reason for everything. I believe that nothing is by chance and everything has a purpose. So, I look for the reason for the visitation from this boy.
Do I look at it logically, has if there is some mathematical formula to give me the answer. The mathematical proof of this kind of phenomena is still beyond our capacities. Then I will look at it with spiritual knowledge.

There was so much spiritual activity in my mothers room that it seemed over kill. So much going on, at times, that I could not keep track. The room was grounded. I have no biblical grounds to base this on, but it was as if, these entities were waiting for my mothers departure. I have no clarity on the experience, but this is the way it felt.

When my mother left us, there was silence. The world stopped for a moment, as did the spirit realm. The room emptied of all spirits, as if sucked dry by a powerful vacuum. We stood in silence over her and the room was void of energy with the exception of ourselves. It appeared that she was escorted away by the ones waiting for her transformation into the spirit realm.

I have no solid answers, I only know what I experienced. It was spiritual, it was beautiful, it was Godly.