Friday, February 29, 2008

They have not my Beauty

This is a repost. I am not well today, so I am reposting this one. There is a part 2, I will repost it tomorrow. God Bless.

Two years ago in January, I got a phone call from a friend who happened to rent an apartment from my husband & myself. I have known him since he was nine. He is as they say "intellectually challenged".

In his call he said that He had not seen another tenant in a few days & that there was a smell in his apartment. I really was not sure of if he understood what he could be describing, but, I knew I had to check it out. I went to my husband, who had fallen asleep early with a migraine. "Dwayne, Phil may be dead. We need to go over there." His response was, "If he is dead now, he will be dead in the morning." I did not care much for that response & felt that I had to go. I felt compelled to go, as if I had no choice.

I got into the car & while on the drive there, I phoned the manager of our properties. I told her the situation & asked her to get me a key. She was rather put off by the whole thing & told me it was to far for her to drive. My thought went to "What is wrong with this world? Does no one care? What is the matter with me that I am out here in the night looking to find a dead person?

When I arrived, I went to Calvin's apartment. I could not smell anything. I told him that the manager had said that she thought Phil was in the hospital. Calvin said that this is wrong, that he had been back from the hospital for a while & that his bedroom light had been on a few days. This got my attention.

I went to the window of Phil's bedroom. Blinds were pulled down. But, I noticed that I could see through the cracks in between each of the blinds. I peaked, thought I saw something on the bed, but, was not sure. I pulled my body upwards & peaked into another crack. Did I see what I thought I saw? I lifted my body up on the tips on my toes & peaked in yet another crack.

There he was. I could see his feet, although they did not look the right color or shape of feet. I could see his calves & his shoulders that cushioned his head while he rested on his stomach. There was no movement & no life left in him. I lowered myself to my feet and said the Calvin. "He's dead".

I called the police & my manager to ask if she would at least send maintance over to unlock the door. When the paramedics arrived they just pushed the window a bit & it gave. The smell was overwhelming. Silence filled the yard. We all stared into the bedroom & then a paramedic ask me, "Does he always look like that?" "What?" "I don't believe so."

Phil had been dead for over a week. He was an obese man whom over the past months had retained a great deal of water & had swollen to an immense size. I did not know that when you pass & are left to the elements of a hot house, that your internal organs begin the turn to liquid. Phil's mid section appeared to be gone. His body fluids had seeped through his mattress and the floor below.

The neighborhood filled with the stench of death. The lights of police, fire & rescue vehicle's lite up the night. Policemen vomited & spit as they left the house with the rookie of the bunch continually being sent back in to look for family phone numbers and to search for drugs.

I watch and waited. When the coroner came & moved him the stench increased with such intensity that I found myself walking backwards to escape the smell. I felt for these men. When they came out & put Phil in the van, they walked around the yarn with a dazed look on there faces. "This was a bad one," one said.

Finally, hours later, I got into my car to drive home. I started talking to God. "I don't understand. You say, "we are wonderfully & perfectly made". How can this happen?"
It seems like a weird question. I understand the dead of a body, but, I could not get the question out of my mind. God was silent. It would be twenty four hours later before I would here from Him & get an answer to my question.

The answer next time.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Be Prepared Always

A few years back, I had spent the weekend on a retreat. The retreat was a soul and spirit tie breaking weekend. I was to pray for people and break the ties that kept them in bondage.

I was leading a team with two other women. There was a large group of to be prayed over there, so we had been praying a long time and were getting tired.

After the women came for prayer, if they wanted, they were baptized. This took place in a hot tub, that was directly under the room I was praying in. So, at times we could hear the baptizing going on.

It was great. Women were being set free and there was joy everywhere. Many supernatural things had happened in the room that we were praying in, but one thing sticks out in my mind the most.

We were at the end. One woman was left. She was a very timid woman. Small and frail. My thought, in the natural, was that this would be quick and easy. She had been a Christian for a while and I did not see anything demonic or oppressive on her.

She sat down in front of me and before I could even say "hello", she was up, out of her chair, on top of me, her hands around my neck. She gave a squeeze and sat back down. This all happened so fast that you had no time to respond.
I heard a voice, from one of my team, saying "I'm leaving". I don't blame her, I would have wanted to leave to if I had been in her shoes. "Whoa, everybody stop." Was my response. I am staring at this little, frail, timid woman with a bit in wonder. It was so fast, that if no one else had been in the room to see it, one would have thought in was in your imagination. But, there were witnesses and it did happen.

So, I had to rethink. I could hear the women below me being baptized. I asked, one of my team members to go get a few of them to stand outside of the door and pray protection. When this was done, we got to work.

Binding up that thing in her was the first thing on the agenda. Did not need to be choked again. Why do you think demons like to go for the throat? It happens at night in our sleep, a lot, to Christians. Just a side bar thought.

She had been through a couple of rapes and a lot of sexual, physical and emotional childhood abuse. Spirits had gotten a hold of her that offered her comfort when she was a child and she had accepted the comfort. I see that a lot in my ministry.

We took her through soul and spirit tie breaking and deliverance. But, I really did not see much change in her. I do not think we were done. But, she was done and there is no use in trying when the party involved is done and satisfied with the status quo.

2 Timothy 4:2
Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.

I had let my guard down and was not prepared. I was tired and looking forward to the end of a long day. I defined this woman by my natural eyes, not my spiritual eyes. My mind was out of sorts with my spirit and so my thinking was grounded in the natural. I rationalized that this woman was safe and merely timid instead of listening to the Spirit of God and what He had to say. I let my guard down and became vulnerable to the attack.
"Be prepared in season and out of season" these seasons are not limited to the literal meaning. My season, in that room, was measured in minutes. The season, is now. The season is constant. Be prepared and on guard always. Not letting a moment in time fly by without knowing that we are at war and you need your weapons at the ready always.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


I did not want to get up this morning. I did not want to face my day nor my responsibilities. It will be a long day.

Sometimes being a pastor or a leader in the church can be such a hardship and you find yourself wanting people to just get it together and stop. That, of course, is not the human way and I am sure, many, have thought that of me a few times. "Why doesn't she just stop."

My community group has only been together a few weeks and I find myself in a position I do not relish. I have to make a decision about a member of this group. My decision as to do with whether or not to ask this man to leave the group.

I have known him for a few years and have worked with him and his wife often. He sways back and forth with salvation. One week on and one week off. He drinks heavily and has another woman on the side. He flaunts this woman to his wife, even allowing her to come to their home. The couple break up a lot. It has become a cycle of emotional abuse. With four children in the home, the home is utter chaos. The wife seeks God on a much higher level, but gets her hopes up about him and then slapped back down. This can happen several times in one day.

Last week, he did not come to group. His wife opened up to the whole group and told all. She got wonderful ministry and the men, in the group, had a lot to say about the situation. That was the good part.

A couple of days ago, I found out that a few women in the group are uncomfortable around him. That he is looking at them in inappropriate ways. Now, I have a new problem with this couple.

He's salvation is my biggest concern. One of the participants in the group gave him a recovery Bible and he is eating it up. He called me, early, the other morning and asked me a question about the Bible. But, then he went out with his other woman and got drunk. He is going to group and church and is involved in a class at church.

I have thought of Matthew 18:15-17.

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Meeting with him privately. If that does not work, bringing in some elders. If that does not work, bringing it to the group and if that does not work, asking him to leave.

There, however, are the women in the group, that are uncomfortable with him. I have to think of the majority as well.

Today, I must do something. I am praying to God for wisdom. The right thing to do. This is not a day that I wanted to wake up to.


Tuesday, February 26, 2008


The word Charis means a divinely inspired gift, grace, or talent, as for prophesying, healing, etc. Bill Johnson puts it this way in his book, "Strengthen yourself in the Lord", "Charis refers to the divine grace and ability of God Himself that comes upon and enables a person to accomplish His purposes." Charis is, also, taken from the word Charisma.

Charis is a gift, but a divinely inspired one. A gift from the grace of God to accomplish purpose.

So, how to you get Charis? Why do so many people miss Charis?

I believe it has to do with faith. How big is God to you? Do you have a reality of His sovereignty? Does it go to the core of your very being that God created you, is eternal, can and will do anything? How big is He to you?

I was once told that I have an unhealthy lack of fear. Before I met God, I was truly fearful. My all encompassing fear, kept me from achieving many things in my life. But, when I realized there was a God, how big He was and how much He loved me, my fear vanished. I mean GONE.

My faith developed. I began to understand how "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Heb.11:1. This will bring Charis. Keeping our eyes on God. Knowing that nothing, in our lives, goes untouched by the hand of the Almighty One. That in every good thing and in every bad, God is there.

This total belief is what, I believe, moves a person into the Charis life. It is our unwavering faith.

How to get there? Ask and believe for it. Do not put yourself under a régime of religious disciplines. Instead, experience God. I am not telling you to not read your Bible daily nor pray nor seek God. I am telling you, that we should seek to experience God in everything. Find Him in the minute and improbable things. In the good and the bad. Begin to recognized who He is. His character is what you need to find.

Knowing Him, is more than reading the word, it is experiencing Him on a level that swallows your entire being. He should be your everything, the totality of who you are. Believe in what you do not see and let that become who you are.

Christians should expect supernatural experiences. Through Charis we will. Finding the path to intimacy with God will bring Charis to your life. The door is open to that way of life, walk in, sit down and eat.

Monday, February 25, 2008

"The Team" Part 2

First I would like to give out the "Blogging with a Purpose Award" to my five friends.

Enemy of the Republic

Daily Spirit

Great and Unsearchable Things

Lance's Soul Searching

Sunny's Blog of books, paranormal, recipes...whatever!!!

You are all great!!

Now, to my focus for the day. A few posts back, I wrote of "The Team", God continues to make things happen in that vain, so I've decided to keep you, dear reader, apprised of the situation, with updates.

Friday, I got a call, out of the blue, from a long, lost friend. She is someone that I love very much. We have worked together in the past. We, both, ended up going through addictions and crisis of spirit. She is a prophetess.

Our work, together, in the past, was full of supernatural events. God, truly, used us in amazing ways. But, we went our separate ways and lost touch with each other. The call, Friday, came completely unexpected, but was met with great joy. She is fighting her way back into the arms of God.

Sunday, I got another call. This one, was also, from a lost friend, who had slipped into addiction and we had lost contact with each other. She was my greatest friend. We ministered together and watched as God worked through us. She is in recovery as well and, as she says, restored by God. Living in Texas, she is a long way from me.

Interesting, that all three of us ended up in an addiction.
I have missed these two women with all of my heart. But, why the calls, from out of no where? I knew, immediately, what was happening. God, is bringing together, the people He wants me to work with on the team. Both, had been with me before, when the team was being assembled. Many others were also with me, but I see God choosing who He wants to work with me and not whom I feel should work with me. Again, by no effort of my own, the team is assembling.

Maybe, you have already asked yourself, how can the woman in Texas be on the team. That is not exactly her role. She has already asked me if I would get a team of women together and come down there to her church and minister for a week. The object of that week would be the breaking of soul and spirit ties over the women of the church. You see, that is exactly what God showed me, years ago, that this team would be doing. Healing, ministering and encouraging other churches.

Is this not remarkable, watching God's hand at work. Everyday now, I wait to see what God will do next, in this area. In my excitement, I need to be careful. Careful that I do not get ahead of God. Jump the gun. Make decisions that are not of God, is my biggest concern. I need to be in continuous prayer and let God drive my way.
So, now and then you, dear reader, will get updates on "The Team" and what God is doing there.

Praise be to the God Almighty.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Blogging Award

I was graciously given an award by Aisha at Leaf Float Down River. Thank you, Aisha. It is a wonderful surprise.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Have a good weekend

Friday, February 22, 2008

Psalms 139:14

It is just amazing to me, how when God wants you to get something, you will get it.

My community group met last night. I was surprised at how many came because we had quite a bit of ice covering the ground. But, they came. We concentrated on forgiveness.

Before we were done, we prayed for a few people. This group is very good at sharing what is bothering them. Very open.

When we started praying, for a young man, I realized, in the spirit, that he was very sad and a bit angry. I spoke to him about this and told him he needed to break a few soul ties. While breaking these soul ties, God had me remind him the he is fearfully and wonderfully made. He told me that God had had that verse on his mind a lot lately.

After we were done, two others in the room started chatting and laughing. They were beside themselves with glee. They brought us into the kitchen where they had a birthday cake for the young man, who had just broken the soul ties. On the cake was Psalms 139:14.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

I thought, God sure wants this young mad to get that verse into his spirit. God used me and his friends to reinforce what God Himself had been telling him. Praise God.

God will use anything and anyone to get His message across.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Team

I have been pondering and praying again. So, I am going to sort through this things here in this post.

Here goes!

Years ago, God showed me that He wanted me to build a team of people that had certain, strong and unique gifts. This team would then minister to the church in a powerful way.

I started to build that team. I was attending the church that I am now back at. I got together about 10 people and we would meet weekly and I would disciple them. They were good people, with lots of God given gifts.

I got ill. That is when I got the diagnosis’ of Lupus. My body declined rapidly, but I continued in my ministry and it grew. But, my addiction to pain medication kicked in and I ended up leaving the church.

I had started my recovery, from illness, before I left my church, but my addiction was ruling my life. I started attending another church and left behind the vision of the ministry team.

Now, I am back at that original church. While I am telling you this, remember that I once said to God, "I love seeing the outcome of your work. But, I would like to see your hand at work, while you are working." I have been back at my church for one year. In this year, I have met three women who have shard with me what their unique gifts are. I have started to disciple these women. Mostly because they all felt uneasy with their gifts. Afraid of what people would say, how they would be labeled, and if they would be alienated.

I have come to realize that I am watching God's hand at work. He is choreographing the team again. There is no reason why any of these women would come to me and tell me these things. I have kept a low profile at church. But, God has told them to talk to me. I had let the idea of a ministry team go and yet I am watching it unfold in front of me with no effort on my part. It is an awesome thing.

But, then there is something else. I am sick again. Back on the downward spiral. Why? I finally know the truth. Both of these times of illness, have come when God has started to bring a ministry team together. It does not take much thought to realized this is an attack from Satan. His attempt to stop the plans of God. Last time it worked. Because of the amount of pain, I took extremely addictive pain medication. This addiction change everything about me and I walked away from the plans of God.
This time will be different. I have already approached the pain differently. I am trying to take care of the pain through prayer and an herbal substance called Noni. I will not get myself involved with narcotics again.

I can only assume that this ministry team must be quit the threat to Satan. Why else would he spend so much time trying to sabotage it. I know that, this time, the people involved with the team are stronger and more gifted than the last team. I know where the team is going, the team has no idea right now.

So, the vision that God showed me, so many years ago, is unfolding. I, because of the grace of God, get to watch it unfold in front of me. Now, that I understand why I am sick, I expect a full and speedy recovery. Taking back the things that Satan has tried to steal from me.

I am happy and excited. Enjoying the presence and comfort of God.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


Ok, the verdict is in. I have Costochondritis. The name alone brings visions of Costa Rica. Anyways, if your interested or for your reading enjoyment, here is a link to explain Costochondritis.

I have been asked, by several folks, how the pain affects my spiritual walk. I had to think back on when I was deathly sick before. It has been seven years since I have been sick.

In those days, I was on staff at my church and had a full load of counseling clients. Besides counseling, I did deliverances, healing, inner healings etc.

What I remember and what will need to happen now, is that when I would minister to someone, the Holy Spirit would fall on me so hard that I would not feel pain, not think of my condition and only focus on the work of the Lord.

I would totally step outside of myself and the Spirit of God would take over.

It is a place where I need to learn to always be in. A place where the things of this world no longer matter. A place of serenity and love.

I can remember being so weak that I had to use a cane to hold myself up. One day, I was working with a woman, doing a inner healing. I had a team with me to help. She had a huge amount of soul and spirit ties. Photobucket There were demonic strong holds and family curses. We spent hours with her. At one point, I can not remember exactly what the subject was, the chair she was sitting in began to raise up from the floor. I had been sitting in a chair, my cane beside me. Without thought, I stood and moved to her and with the others held down the chair. While holding the chair, I cursed the spirit that was affecting her. It took strength physically and emotionally to do this, but the Lord provided both and the work of God was finished for that woman that day.

My focus, has to be on God. The pain, in my body, is overwhelming. But, only if I let it be. The pain medicine has quit working and I know that I need to find alternatives from medicine. Also, I have to watch out for addictions. So, I have to walk closer too, meditate longer on, and make my entire focus on our Lord Jesus Christ.

I can see what God is doing in my life and what He has in store for my future. This new diagnosis will not stop me. Actually, it may help. It will bring my focus and thoughts closer to where they should be. Only seeing and feeling the power of the living God, my fortress, my great counsel, my healer, my love.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Positive Manipulation

I have a prayer that I have been lifting up to God since last night. It is not a prayer about this ailing body, but I have had to step outside of myself and pray a pleading prayer for someone else.

I have always believed that I need only to ask God once and it is done. But, this is so near to me that I keep pleading. I wait today for the outcome of my prayer.

As I was praying today, I started to "Thank God" before hand for the outcome. Then God revealed to me, that this is not exactly the right thing to do.

PhotobucketSo many Christians do this. They say their prayer and then "thank God" for the answer to their prayer. But, what they are really doing is positive manipulation. God's plan is always perfect, no matter what the outcome. But, we in our finite minds, think it has to be the way we want it to be. We know in the back of our minds, that in the finally analyze, that God will make happen what is right in His plan, but we try to make happen what we think right or what we want to happen.

So, He stopped me, today, from saying "I thank you God, before hand for answering my prayer" because the spirit in which I was about to pray those words, was one of positive manipulation.

I do not pray those words very often, but today I feel the need to. I want the situation to go my way. Not knowing the completed work of God, in this matter, I want to make it my way. Do I think that God does not know the best way to handle the situation? No, I do know He is better at this than I am. But, I do want it my way.

This knowledge that we (Christians) try to manipulate God in our prayers, leaves me feeling a bit helpless. Such a lowly thing to be doing, manipulating God. How many other words and deeds do we do to try and achieve "our" goal. This comes down to "searching yourself" for those things that are not of God. Going deep into ones self to find the flit in which we live.
So, knowing that God's plan is always perfect, I surrender. It would seem that I am always finding areas in my life that need surrendering. I thought I had surrendered, but, low and behold, there is another area needing surrender.

God's will, not our will. God's plan, not ours. He will give you the desires of your heart, but we do not really understand the desires of our heart. And if He gives you the desires of your heart, that you think are your desires, then timing is everything. If He where to gives you your desires in your time, would they be long lasting. But, if He gives you those desires, in His perfect timing, then our desires have truly been met.

So, I pray. I know what I want, but I relinquish to God's perfect plan. God knows me though, and it is hard to not beg for what I want.Photobucket

Monday, February 18, 2008

Why? I don't Know

If this does not make a lot of sense, it is because I am still on some heavy pain medicine. First, thank all of you for your response to my last post. I was over joyed with the love that poured out from my brother and sisters. Many even came over from my daughters blog, A Homesteading Neophyte, to encourage me. I am so grateful.

I saw my doctor on Friday and still do not know anything. She just put me on stronger pain medicine. So, I sleep a lot. Then I wake up and the pain is too much, so I take a pill and sleep. I have, however, been doing a lot of crocheting. But, I find my self waking up, frozen in time, in the middle of a stitch.

The Christian response to my flare up of Lupus has been diverse. Some say, "it is an attack from Satan". Some, just except it as part of living in this world. Others, believe I need to search myself for a sin. Then there are the ones who see it as a trial.

As to it being an attack, could be. Photobucket My ministry is growing again and I usually start to have trouble when that happens. There was something in my house yesterday. It was visible not only to me, but to my husband, which is unusual. It showed itself several times. My thought, at first, was that, it was my medicine causing me to see things, but when my husband saw it, I knew different. But, is this because of an attack? I see, feel and smell things a lot. Could be something besides an attack. Need to pray to find out about this thing in my home.

Is the flare up of Lupus just because we live in a fallen world. Photobucket This could be also. The cause of Lupus is not really known. They have their suspicions, but no real answers. I may be genetically disposed to Lupus. Which could be a curse. Of course, many, including myself, have prayed to break a curse of Lupus. But, have not seen the results of that breaking. Whether, it be from the environment, genetics or self inflicted abuse of my body, this world has a lot to offer in the way of sickness and pain. But, through the power of God these things are overcomed.

Is it a sin? Photobucket I, always, have sin. Why, would this be from a sin, now. In the past, God has always shown me a sin that needs to be addressed. When the sin is exposed, God and I usually take care of it and I walk free from that particular sin. So, why would one sin be treated any different from the other. God always has my attention, He talks to me, this should be no different. Now that I write this, I realize that I have not even asked God "why".

The last time, I was sick, He did not give me a "why". He just told me that I would be sick of two years. I did not know if I would die after those two years or be healed. But, it was two years and I never did ask "why". Do, I need to know "why"? I don't think I do. The out come of the last time was amazing. God used Lupus, to minister in amazing ways. Ways that would not have been possible before Lupus. So, I'm not sure I'll be asking "why".

Is, this reacourance of Lupus a trail?Photobucket Well, I don't know. If I don't ask, then, I don't know. God, pretty much knows, that I am His, no matter what. But, I never exactly, know the mind of God. After all, His ways are not my ways.

So, with all the different theories and suggestions, I listen, pray and ponder and then let God be God in my life. I do fight, because, I am not one to take anything lying down. But, I also, try to walk the path that God has laid out before me with dignity and peace.

Well, my hour is up. You see, dear reader, I have one hour from the time I wake up till the medicine and pain over take me and I am lost to this world. I hope this post makes sense to you. I understand it completely. Of course, I am living in a different zone than you might be. My world is a bit blurred right now.

I am totally blessed by you, my dear readers.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Not Well

I post everyday but the weekend. So, I thought that for those readers that have figured that out, I had better post today, so you will not think something may be wrong.

Well, something is wrong. So, this is just a quick post to let you know what is up and to ask for prayer for myself.

Last night at my community meeting I had to go to the Emergency room. My chest went into so much pain that I could not endure it any longer. I did not think I was having a heart attack but, did think that I may have fluid on my heart. I took an aspirin, just in case and was already on Darvocet.

At the hospital, I was given some narcotic I had never heard of before, that took care of the pain for a very short while. Mean while, they ran their test and they all came back good. The doctor said that I need to see my Internist today, because if it is fluid, it was to soon for that to show up on the x-ray. But, I doubt that it is fluid now, because when this E.R. doctor touched my rib, in the area that hurt, I about screamed in pain.

I believe, at this point, that the Lupus has caused my ligaments and tendons in my ribs to swell and create unbelievable pain. I will see the doctor today to make sure. I am very loaded down with pain medication right now and am unable to post from my spirit.

If you think you me, will you pray.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

My Prayer

My spirit is absorb with what is happening to my pastor wife today. She is having, her second, open heart surgery. So, today, I am just going to write a prayer for her.


I know you hold her in your hands. I thank you for your love for her and how you made her. I lift her up to you in prayer and ask that you guide the surgeons hands. I come against any plans of the enemy to harm her and pray that while she is under the anesthesia that, you Father keep her from harms way.

I stand in the gap for her. And claim that, nothing that is not of God, will be in the surgery room and nothing that is not of God, can touch her. She is the Lord's and is blessed. The mark of God is upon her and she is safe.

I pray father that she has a fast and easy recovery. Be with the family, Lord. Comfort them and guide them into your peace.

You are the almighty one. The Alfa and the Omega. Our fortress. I give you praise and honor. With you anything is possible and your promises true. Without you, I am nothing. With you, I see the truth. Thank you, that you are God.

Praise be to the beautiful one. Honor and glory to you Father. Thank you, that you hear my prayers and they do not come back to me void.


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Sharia Law

Last spring, my husband and I were prophesied over. One of the things that was said to me was, "You have authority over that thing in Germany." I was confused and said, "my husband is German." This caused some laughter in the room. So, while the prophet continues to talk to me, but stare at my husband, I remembered what he was talking about.

About a month before, I had heard that in Germany they were thinking about invoking Sharia law. This got me very upset. So upset that I began to pray and research, on line, any where that I could become involved with Christians against Sharia law. I failed to find that place. It is unusual for me to get angry at anything, so I knew my anger was righteous and from God. But, I felt helpless to do anything.

"You have authority over that thing in Germany". Since then, I pray. I take authority over the spreading of Sharia law and pray that others are doing the same.

Today, I found a site that has a petition against Child executions in Iran. You can go there and sign the petition by clicking here. After reading this, I again started to feel that righteous anger whell up in me over Sharia law. So, I googled it again and found a wonderful article on Sharia law. So, if you would like more information on this oppressive law, click here. It is well written and holds a lot of information.

I am still looking for a place were Christians gather to oppose Sharia law. I feel like we are just sitting around watching Islam take over the world. I, personally, need to do something.

The archbishop of England says that Sharia law is unavoidable. Canada has had "honor killings" that have gone ignored by the state. As well, the United States has now had one of it's own honor killings, were a father killed both his daughters for dressing in western attire. The thinking here is that Sharia Law supersedes the laws of any country, including our own.

This thinking is dangerous and we need to stop just watching and start acting to stop it. I do not want my daughter and granddaughter or any other woman to come under this law. It is not God's will to oppress anyone and we as Christians need to stand up to this oppressive system and claim the living God's will over it.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Wisdom or Distraction

While my community group was taking place last week, I had a supernatural occurrence. I was sitting listening, at the time, to what was being said about communion, when I felt a thump on my shoulder.

I was beginning to lean back in my chair, at the time, and thought that I had leaned into something. So, I turned around to see what I had bumped into and there was nothing there. I realized, at that moment, that an entity of one kind or another had just thumped my shoulder.

I did not take much time to consider what it could have been. I just kept listening and participating with what was going on in the room. When we had broke up, I mentioned it, but no one responded to what I said, so I let it go.

But, Sunday, at church, a man from the group, spoke to me. He is wanting some healing of emotions. We talked about this a while and then he said, that sometimes leaders take things to deep. I must have looked curious, because he kept on going. He said, that God does not, always, want us to go to deep. I said that I like to go deep into the spirit. Which is what I assumed he was talking about. I was right because, the next thing he said was, "well you know that thing that thumped you on the shoulder?" and then he just raised his eyebrows in a knowing fashion.

So, he is suggesting that, the thump on my shoulder was from God. A warning not to go to deep into the Spirit in front of this group of people. Could this be? This man has no idea how deep I already refrain from going in front of the group. I just never thought about the thump being from God. I have experienced so many demonic things that, I never even consider that it be anything other than demonic.

I know that there are times when God tells me something that is not for everyone. At least not at that time. But, He has also, told me that, "I do not show you extravagant things that you would keep them to yourself." Is this man wise or is he a distraction?

I am believing, a distraction. My reasoning is that, I do not believe that when God gives me something that is about the subject that we are discussing, that he would not want me to share. I, also, do not think that I have gone that deep. I have been quiet about the things of God far to long. God has delivered me from my identity crisis and set me free to be me. So, I am believing what this man said was meant to shut me up again.

I believe that this man got caught up in a thought, by his own reasoning, that was not from God. That he believed he was delivering good advise. I, did, take what he said and prayed and pondered on it, but have come to the conclusion that, I will not be stopped. Weighing all the issues at hand and prayerfully considering his words, I feel confident that I am doing the right thing by sharing what God has shared with me.

Monday, February 11, 2008

God's Will - Your Will

I don't know why, but God said "God's will or your will" when I woke up Sunday morning. We have all heard and know the battle of our wills over God's. The letting go of our need to control and letting God drive our car. We know all the lessons on "will" all the verses on "will" all the Christian clique against "will", so why did this come up between myself and God.

Do I need to look deeper into myself. Am I exhorting myself above God. That's a bit scary for me. Am I out of the will of God? Why did He say this to me.

At church, I looked for an answer. Listening to the sermon, I heard multiple things leading to "will". It was almost constant. I listened to what people were saying around me and most of it had to do with "will" in some way or another. Why did God say this to me and leave me dangling.

Then I saw it. A man walking in front of me. He caught my attention because he had cut his own hair and when he had shaved the back of it he had missed a whole lot of hair. But, that was not the answer the answer was in his weight. Morbidly obese, I saw what God was talking to me about.

Those of us with addictions, food - smoking- television- sex-self-video games, alcohol, drugs, miss the will of God. Our will becomes more important. We escape into our addiction to hide or numb our feelings. Feelings, that most are running from, are the stress of this world, hatred of self, and memories. The hardest part, about this escape, is that it keeps you from the will of God. We miss the boat and sink into our self made oblivion. Photobucket

So, instead of it being God's will- Your will it becomes Your will - God's will. We become first. The worse sin you can commit is making yourself God and walking in our will is making ourselves God. This is pride.

Why say this to me. God wants me to search every part of me and throw away every crutch that supports my pride. He wants me to use the unbreakable crutch, the strongest crutch, the crutch above all crutches. Himself. God.

There is pain in letting go of our own will. It creates a whole new set of problems to confront. Letting go of the artificial crutch that holds us up and facing the reason for the crutch takes courage and endurance that can only come from the glory of God. He alone can lift you above the pain of walking away from your crutch.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Spiritually Connected

1 Corinthians 10:16 (New International Version)
Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ? Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all partake of the one loaf

Ephesians 4
From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Last night my community group took Communion together. It was awesome. I had asked a man, who comes, to lead the communion and he did an outstanding job. One of the things that he talked about was how God had led him to a new understanding of I Corinthians 16. That the body was meant to mean the church. God's children. That we participate in communion not only to recognize and identify with the crucifixion of Christ, but to unit the people of Christ. From all over the world we are one.

While he was sharing this God began to speak to me. He, again, reminded me that He knew us before we were put into time. That we were spirit. As spirits, before being put into time, we knew each other spiritually.

Because I visualize what I'm thinking. I had this picture in my head of a community of spirits, living with the Lord, playing, singing, giving Him praise.

He then showed me, that we are still spiritually connected and that we always we be. That this is the "body" of Christ. This is how the gifts of the spirit move and work. It is the spiritual connection between us and God and us and us.

Ok. Let me try and make it clearer. Last night God said to me, that we forget and do not walk in the fact that we are spirit. "You forget that you are spirit". This lack of understanding and neglect of our spiritual connection to the realm of God, impacts the power of our ministry and walk with God.

On those occasions when we are walking in the spirit, the gifts begin to flow and not only through us, but through others as well. As we begin to minister to one another we become spiritually connected and start to individually flow into the spirit realm. The body (church) is now ministering with their spirit.

We must not ever forget that we are spirit. An eternal creation of God. One that knew God before time and forever. That we know each other spiritually and with that spiritual connection we can move mountains and will know each other. We must nourish or spirit with the things of God and bring our mind into alignment with our spirit. Putting on the things of God.

Colossians 3:1
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.

We are one body, moving together in spirit.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Angels Among Us

Hebrews 13:2
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.

I have not been graced with seeing angels. Once, I said to God, "I see so many demons. May I see an angel." He blessed me, with the room filling with such bright light that I had to close my eyes and still I had to put my hand over my eyes to dampen the affect.

I have talked to people who see angels. They describe such beauty and light. For myself, this is just not to be. Or, is it?

I have had two experiences that were angelic, but not like described above.

Yesterday, I wrote about the protest at my old church. There was, as you can imagine, a lot of chaos going on. Church was going on inside and outside there were a few of the church members witnessing. A young man came up and started talking to my husband and I. He was about 28 years of age, nice looking, clean cut and calm.

So, very peaceful this young man. His name was Jacob. We knew that he did not go to our church, so we asked him if he was with the protesters. He said "No, I belong to the family of God." His voice was full of serenity. "Where do you go to church?" I asked. "I don't go to just one church. I visit many."

Ok. At the moment, I thought that was nice, to just come over and join us in this mess we were in. Not having much time to think or chat, I left the conversation and went off to have really weird conversations.

My husband ran into him again. The young man was talking to the Muslim man that I spoke of in yesterday's post. My husband, who is a quiet man, listened to their conversation and then interrupted and took over witnessing to the Muslim. He told me later, "It just was like me to do that".

Later, my husband ran into the young man again, in the restroom of the church. This young man, prayed for my husband and blessed him. Then, we never saw him again. He was gone, this man of peace. He blessed us that day with his presence and brought peace to a volatile situation.

Another time, that I believe I was in the presence of Angels, was at the church I am at now. We were having a late night meeting. There were about 12 of us there. I can not remember what we were doing, but, it was members of the church who all knew each other.

The door to the worship center, where we were meeting, opened up and three women walked in. My church is predominantly white and it is a "come as you are" church. People wear whatever makes them comfortable. These women were black and dressed real nice. No one had ever seen them before.

Now, this meeting was only know by a few of us. It was not a public meeting and was of very little interest to the rest of the church. I know this by the number of people there. Pastor welcomed the ladies and they sat down. They did not sit together, they sat dispersed amongst all of us.

Then we broke up into three groups of four. Each of these women went into a separate group. You have got to know by now, that these women are not acting normal. They come into a strange church together but, separate into different groups. This is not your normal behavior.

I can only attest to what went on in my group. But, I surmise that the same thing went on in the other groups as well. The woman in my group, began to minister to us. Again, peace was all over her. My muscles and mind relaxed when I got close to her. She shared of God's great love and His need to have us near Him. She spoke of Him in endearing terms, like those of a daughter to a father. The words flowed from her with such grace that it felt like a dream. All, she talked about was love and fellowship with God. I was truly blessed by the presence of this woman.

The three women did not stick around to chat after we were done. They picked themselves up and were gone before you could do anything about it.

Where they angels? I believe so. The young man and these women brought something to us that I have not since experienced. PEACE. GREAT PEACE. They were all so sure of themselves and God. There was no earthly bonds of stress, doubt, anger, there was only peace and love. They truly made me feel loved. Strangers just loving because they were love.

Hebrews 1:14

Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008


Hey, my friends (readers) in Jamestown, Tennesee, are you ok? I am concerned about you and the storms last night.

Do You Have The Courage

My husband and I use to go to a rather political church. The pastor is very involved with the pro-life movement and has been arrested many times for his protests.

One day, the church had gathered to hand out flyers on abortion, and Islam to students at a high school. It went pretty well, there was just a few people who did not appreciate the effort. But, there was one young boy who took a huge offense and decided to take action.

His action was to gather together people and protest at our church on Sunday during services. There was about 30 people walking up and down the street outside of the church with signs and the young man had a megaphone shouting about the church's intolerance.

Pastor asked myself and my husband if we would go out and witness to this group. Always up for the challenge, we said "yes". Outside, was a circus. We were called all kinds of animals and the conversations were strange if not confusing. I was told that Christians are sexually perverted, I think he must have been talking about his own problem, that we were preaching hate, closed minded and stupid.

The anger in these people was controlled, but on the verge of explosion. There was so much anger, that their speech was strained and their fist clenched. But, there was a very interesting event that took place, that could have only been ordained by God.

My husband and I got separated. I was under attack by the sexually obsessed man and my husband was being confronted by a member of the Islamic community.

The conversation began with this man believing that the church was preaching hate towards the Islamic community. My husband remained calm and told him that this was not true. That like Jesus, we loved the person, hated the sin. After, a bit of exchange, he told my husband that Islam had no tolerance for homosexuals and would kill them. My husband pointed out that he,this man, was protesting with homosexuals. This cause confusion for the man and my husband found an opening.

He started to talk about God's love and that Jesus loves all people, including him. That Jesus wanted all people to come to Him, the living God. There was quit the exchange of views, but the exchange had become more of love than of anger. Turns out, this Islamic man, sends his children to a Christian school. He thinks they get a better education there than in public schools. WOW. What an opportunity for God to work.

After the exchange between my husband and this man, he left the protest stating he had been misinformed about the church. We invited those left to come into the church to hear the service and see that we did not preach hate. But, they declined, not really wanting to know the truth.

Do we have the courage that my husband showed that day. Confronting the religion of Islam, has for many, become a politically incorrect thing to do. But, is this a lack of faith on our part. To we see God as lacking in the ability to rise up in us and speak to the Islamic community. Do our fears of offending, keep us from spreading the truth of Jesus Christ. This fear is a dangerous thing for us, the Christians. It will cause us to loose ground in our commission of bringing others to Christ. Few witness anymore. And less will witness to the Muslim.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Walking out A Vision

Last week I got a letter in the mail. This letter came from a woman that I do not know very well. She was asking me, to be her friend.

Now, "friend" here is about a class at my church. It is a purpose class. I wrote about it before in the post "purpose". In this class you are asked to find a "friend", someone who will hold you accountable for finishing the class and for pursuing your purpose after the class.

I was surprised by the letter and honored that she had asked. She called me yesterday and I agreed to be her "friend", but it was in our conversation that I began to see God's hand at work.

Like I said, I do not really know her, but, she had written down what characteristics she wanted in a friend and what she would like a friend to do for her. She had been praying about who it would be. She said she would come up with a name and then hear my name. This kept up until she decided to go ahead and ask me. Not really knowing each other we shared on the phone and what a wonderful conversation it was.

She is just beginning to come into her own with her gifts. Her gifts are like mine. She sees into the spirit realm and has heard the audible voice of God and Satan. She has a knower, that she has not quit figured out yet and is sensitive to the spirit of others.

This is the third person that has connected to me, from my church, since this summer. All three are gifted in the same way that I am. What are the odds. Before, when I was at this church, God had shown me that I would have a prophet team and would be ministering to the church. I blew that with my addiction that I wrote about in "Repentance". I had forgotten about this vision and had, I thought, moved on to other things.

Last summer, it was prophesied over me, that I would have a prophetic school. I laughed and told them "No", it would be a healing school. They laughed back and said "OK". Now, I see what God is doing. I am back to the vision of the prophetic team.

I have gone through a lot of changes since I first had that vision of a prophetic team. Changes that were obviously needed. God kept me safe through them and now I see His hand in action to fulfill that vision. Dear reader, Always ask God to let you see His hand in action. Don't be content to wait to see what His hand has done. Ask to see what he is doing at this moment. It will surprise you and delight you.

I am excited. Just to be in the company of others who can identify with me and share with me. The three that I have met, enjoy calling me and confirming what they have felt, seen or heard in the spirit. It is fun and a joy for me to answer those calls. My spirit is dancing with joy.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Just Pondering

Sometimes, the things that I see and feel and know, are too much. Sometimes, these things leave me in a tail spend and I feel so very helpless. I wonder at the reason and ask God "Why?" There seems, at times, to be no resolution to what I am shown and my reaction can, at times, feel immature.

This last Friday, I served dinner to a family after their loved ones funeral. While there I noticed a man whom I had ministered to in the past. Our encounter had been rough. In the end I had told, this man, that he was going to "burn in hell". Sounds bad, but it needed to be done. When I saw him there, I really did not think much about it, except wondering if any thing had changed for him.

I had stayed pretty busy throughout the dinner. But, towards the end, I was leaning up against a wall with another woman who was, also, helping out. She said, "Now there's a major depressed person." I looked in the direction that she was looking and saw a child, or what I thought was a child, sitting on a woman's lap. As soon as I looked at her, I knew to much.

I knew that she was anorexic, that she was being molested and that she was suicidal. I watch as the woman that held her stroked her head and showed her great love. What was I to do? Do I approach her? She was a child. Who's child? Do I approach a parent?

I was then distracted and had to go back into the kitchen. After a while, a friend, from the family came into the kitchen. I asked her, who the child was. She, turns out, is not a child. She is twenty one years old. I was stunned. Had I got it wrong? Her height was about 4'11, if that. Her weight about 60-80 pounds. Very frail and child like in her actions. I inquired further.

Her father was the man that I had told was going to burn in hell. His wife had left him for molesting their children. This daughter was from another marriage. So, I finally told my friend what I felt. She went and got a cousin who is living with this young woman and her father. She tells us that she has grave concern for this young woman. That the father is sleeping in the same bed as his 21 year old daughter.

Now that what I had seen, in the spirit, was confirmed, what was I to do? The others in the conversation were looking at me for answers as well. The final verdict was to call Adult protective services and report our suspicions. There did not seem to be another way to help.

During all this, I felt anger and helplessness. Knowing God will take care of it all is one thing , but while this was going on, I was more in a panic than leaning on God's promises. In the end, I see His hand working it out, but while this was all happening- it all seemed surreal, ugly, dirty and I felt panic.

A couple of times, my thoughts went to "why me?" Why am I, the one in the room privy to such information. I really do not want to know such stuff. It seems that lately the things I see, hear and just know, are things that have no rhyme nor reason. This one did, however, find at least, a solution. Where it will end, I do not know. But, at least we can do something.

This is Monday and I still look back on Friday. I wonder at it all. I realize that God put me in a place, in a specific time, so that I would see and know what is happening to this child and find a way to put a stop to it. I know that this was planned by God, but, I find it all so uncomfortable.

I am finding it increasingly uncomfortable being who I am. I am not in another identity crisis, I know who I am in Christ. It is the things that have been shown to me, as for late, that are making me uncomfortable. Where is it all leading? I am beginning to feel like a spiritual detective. A crime fighter in the spirit realm.

Alas, I am grateful that the Lord has intervened on this young woman’s behalf. She will need a lot of care and counseling. Her father has been hurting her for a long time and she stopped maturing at about age four. I still see her in my minds eye and feel deep pain for her. God's love for her has saved her from evil and I am grateful for that.

I am just a bit lost in my own ponderings.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Please Pray

I invite you to pray for Li Mei who is in prison, for her belief in Christ. You can learn more about Mei by clicking here.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Romans 8:1-2 (New International Version)

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death

"There is no condemnation—none whatsoever—for the believer in Christ Jesus...

Do you know what that means? We may stumble, we may fall, we may trip, we may make a thousand mistakes, we may sin and we do, we may get off the path, we may go astray, we may have a thousand problems, but for the believer in Jesus Christ, there is, therefore now, no condemnation because God has said it is so. You can struggle, but you're not condemned. You can fall, but you're not condemned. You can trip, but you're not condemned. You can stray off the path, but you are not condemned because God has said He will not condemn those who are in Christ Jesus.

When Jesus saved you, he didn't say he would take away all your problems. No, but he did say this. In your problems, there is no condemnation. In your struggles, there is no condemnation, in your failure, there is no condemnation. In your going astray, there is no condemnation.

What does it mean, then? It means, number one, there is no rejection for the believer. God is not going to reject you just because you struggle. You're not a bad person just because you're having a hard time."

This is from a commentary by Ray Pritchard.

I find this verse very comforting. But, there was a time, when I would be at a church and a preacher would say, "those of you who know that you are going to heaven, raise your hand." Now, I would raise my hand, because I knew if I did not, I'd be in a world of trouble. But, I was not sure because of this verse.

Luke 13:24 (New International Version)

He said to them, "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to

I figured if the door was narrow, then I was surely to fat, with sin, to get in. That the door was hard to get into. But, that was not going to stop me from trying, I just was not sure that I would be able to get through it.

Now, I can raise my hand with assurance. "Make every effort". Well, I sure make the effort. And with no condemnation, I take comfort in my place in eternity.

This, I suppose, is where many get "once saved, always saved." This, I truly have a problem with. The verse sounds this way, that no matter what I do, I am saved because I have found salvation. But, I know someone who was saved and then turned away. Some would say that he was not truly saved then. But, I know this to not be so.

He walked in the Spirit, spoke in tongues, was over joyed with God. A man that had a spirit that glowed. Then, because of the behaviors of others, he decided that "Christianity did not work." And if you ask him now, some 30 years later, he will tell you that God does not exist.

Is this once saved always saved? Is this a man who will spend eternity with God? I would like to think he would, but my every being says "NO". He has turned his back on God. I believe that God will reject him if he dies in this state.

"Once saved always saved" seems, to me, to be an excuse for sin. It says, no matter what I do, I'm going to heaven. SURPRISE!!! WRONG!!!! "Make every effort,...the door is narrow."