Sometimes, the things that I see and feel and know, are too much. Sometimes, these things leave me in a tail spend and I feel so very helpless. I wonder at the reason and ask God "Why?" There seems, at times, to be no resolution to what I am shown and my reaction can, at times, feel immature.
This last Friday, I served dinner to a family after their loved ones funeral. While there I noticed a man whom I had ministered to in the past. Our encounter had been rough. In the end I had told, this man, that he was going to "burn in hell". Sounds bad, but it needed to be done. When I saw him there, I really did not think much about it, except wondering if any thing had changed for him.
I had stayed pretty busy throughout the dinner. But, towards the end, I was leaning up against a wall with another woman who was, also, helping out. She said, "Now there's a major depressed person." I looked in the direction that she was looking and saw a child, or what I thought was a child, sitting on a woman's lap. As soon as I looked at her, I knew to much.
I knew that she was anorexic, that she was being molested and that she was suicidal. I watch as the woman that held her stroked her head and showed her great love. What was I to do? Do I approach her? She was a child. Who's child? Do I approach a parent?
I was then distracted and had to go back into the kitchen. After a while, a friend, from the family came into the kitchen. I asked her, who the child was. She, turns out, is not a child. She is twenty one years old. I was stunned. Had I got it wrong? Her height was about 4'11, if that. Her weight about 60-80 pounds. Very frail and child like in her actions. I inquired further.
Her father was the man that I had told was going to burn in hell. His wife had left him for molesting their children. This daughter was from another marriage. So, I finally told my friend what I felt. She went and got a cousin who is living with this young woman and her father. She tells us that she has grave concern for this young woman. That the father is sleeping in the same bed as his 21 year old daughter.
Now that what I had seen, in the spirit, was confirmed, what was I to do? The others in the conversation were looking at me for answers as well. The final verdict was to call Adult protective services and report our suspicions. There did not seem to be another way to help.
During all this, I felt anger and helplessness. Knowing God will take care of it all is one thing , but while this was going on, I was more in a panic than leaning on God's promises. In the end, I see His hand working it out, but while this was all happening- it all seemed surreal, ugly, dirty and I felt panic.
A couple of times, my thoughts went to "why me?" Why am I, the one in the room privy to such information. I really do not want to know such stuff. It seems that lately the things I see, hear and just know, are things that have no rhyme nor reason. This one did, however, find at least, a solution. Where it will end, I do not know. But, at least we can do something.
This is Monday and I still look back on Friday. I wonder at it all. I realize that God put me in a place, in a specific time, so that I would see and know what is happening to this child and find a way to put a stop to it. I know that this was planned by God, but, I find it all so uncomfortable.
I am finding it increasingly uncomfortable being who I am. I am not in another identity crisis, I know who I am in Christ. It is the things that have been shown to me, as for late, that are making me uncomfortable. Where is it all leading? I am beginning to feel like a spiritual detective. A crime fighter in the spirit realm.
Alas, I am grateful that the Lord has intervened on this young woman’s behalf. She will need a lot of care and counseling. Her father has been hurting her for a long time and she stopped maturing at about age four. I still see her in my minds eye and feel deep pain for her. God's love for her has saved her from evil and I am grateful for that.
I am just a bit lost in my own ponderings.
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