Monday, December 31, 2007

Most Impacting Post

While going back over my posts for these few months of 2007, I asked God,what was the most significant and impacting of the posts. What one did He think the reader should take with them into the new year. This is what He showed me.

The most significant and the one He wants to impact you is "Spirit of Man". I will repost it at the bottom of today's post. He has shown me that this event, in my life, was as significant as the day of my salvation. It does, move me to tears whenever I think of it.

The significance to you, my dear reader, that God wants you to ponder, is that you are eternal. No beginning nor end. You are always with Him and His love for you endures forever. He wants you to understand and grasp that you are a supernatural being. That you, as a Christian. should expect supernatural experiences and walk into the supernatural.

This post, "Spirit on Man", is what brought me to blogging. It is the event, in my life. that God spoke of when He said to me, "I do not shown you extravagant things that you would keep them to yourself." This event is why I blog. Out of obedience, I blog.

I pray that when you read or reread this post that you are blessed. And that God would reveal, to you, those things that He has in it just for you. He wants to reveal to you the unknown, His glory, His love, His wonders, His might.

You, dear reader, are why God has me here, writing. You, dear reader, are the reason God has me reaching out. You, dear reader, are loved beyond your ability to conceive love. You are the most favored of God. You are, of the most importance to God and to me.

There is, at least, one reader today, that is going to feel the impact of what God is doing today. You will feel the glory and power of God and the beauty as you read. He is calling you to a new place. Do not be afraid of that new place... He guides you. There is a mighty power welling up in you, let God reign in you and you will see His work unfold in front of you. To God be the glory.

Dear reader, you are a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ. Let your light shine this year in a new and bright way. I pray that everyone that reads this post today and in the future be blessed. You deserve to be blessed, after all, you are a most significant creation in the plans of God.

Spirit of man

Last June I sat with my ex-husband as he lay dying. We had remained friends over the years. In our marriage we had produced 4 children & stayed married for 17 years.

He was in the V.A. hospice. He'd been there for quite some time. My husband & I had witnessed to him on multiple occasions, but, to no avail.

That day in June, I went to see him early. He had not eaten or drank in three days. He could not speak, but, would respond "yes" with a squeeze of the hand. I sat down with him while two of my children held his hand. When I went to leave he had a rather panic look on his face so I sat back down. Again, I tried to leave & again the look. Then I remembered something he had said to me a few months back. He had cried & said that when he had woke up from cancer surgery years before the most reassuring thing he saw was me. So I asked him. "DO you want what you saw when you first woke up from cancer surgery?" My children holding his hand said he gave a big squeeze for "yes". So I sat down & we stared at each other for 4 hours.

While there I started to see a demon in the bed with him. I began to cruse this demon. "You can't have him. Go back to where you belong. In Jesus name." It would go & then come back. After 4 hours, I left, telling him I would be back.

My daughter & I went back at 10:00 that night. He was now non-responsive. His eyes were glazed over & his breathing was very shallow. I sat down & stared at him, like I had been doing earlier. Trying to reassure him that he was ok.

As I sat there I started to get angry. I prayed to God. "I am angry. This is not fair. He has not come to you because of your own children & what they have said about you. This is wrong & not fair." Then I said something that I'm not even sure where it came from. "I want to know what is happening here."

Suddenly, the bed started to glow. It looked like what I see when the Spirit of God falls on a preacher when he is preaching. I asked my daughter if she saw anything. She said "no. Your the one that sees things". I watched, amazed that the Spirit of God was with this man who had not received Jesus as his savior.

I heard my daughter say that she was going for coffee & did I want any. Without taking my eyes off of what was happening I said, "Sure". She left the room. Then, this man who had been unable to talk for three days look right at me & said, "I love you." I was stunned. "Jim, Jim. Do you feel what is happening to you? Do you feel God." He could not speak again, but, gave me an affirmative motion.

"Do you know God." I asked. He squeezed my hand as if he were again an 18 year old man, full of strength. It was a "yes". I was so excited. "Your going to heaven. Your going to be with God." He shrugged his shoulders still not sure. "Oh yes. If you know God, you will be with God." I told him that he should not be afraid that the Word of God says that He will take you under his wing. I asked him to forgive me for hurting him.. I told him that I would miss him. And I told him that when he sees God "to go to God."

About that time our daughter came back into the room. "Your dad & I are talking" but, when I turned back to him, his eyes again were glazed over & he was non-responsive. I sat back & was awed at what had just happened. So full of joy & reassurance that he would be with God, my heart was blessed.

Then, all of the sudden, he began to change shape. Now, this is hard to explain in our limited vocabulary. He looked as if he were going flat. He was all aglow with light. He got flatter and flatter till there was no form of a body left. Then, out of this flatness rose a face. My thought was, that's not real pretty, must not be from God. Then God reminded me of something he had told me. That we, in our finite minds, look at something & define it as ugly, then dismiss it as the work of Satan. God said,"How dare you. It could be my hand at work." With God reminding me of this, I said to myself "ok" this is God at work.

The face rose up & then a huge explosion. The face exploded in light, that was so brilliant I fell backwards into my chair. It was beautiful. I realized that I saw his spirit leave his body. About 20 minutes later he took his last breath.

The event brought home to me that we are truly eternal. That we were with God before he put us into time & we will be with Him after we leave time. I am truly grateful to God for letting me experience that moment in time.

My children are also grateful. I was allowed to put to rest some of their worries about their Dad & his relationship with God. Not only could I tell them that he had received God but, that I saw him go to God.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Spiritual Discrimination

Do you, as a Christian, discriminate?

Of course you don't. At least, you think you don't.

My heritage is European and Black Foot Indian. When I became a Christian it never crossed my mind that fellow Christians would find fault with my Indian heritage. But, they have and probably still do.

The foundation of their thought is that all, I mean all, of the sickness, bad "luck", horrible habits etc. come from my genetic predisposition. "Hello" is this for real. I don't see my fellow Christians claiming that every problem my black brother and sisters have comes from their genetic past. Or, the Irish, which I also am, their past of paganism. We can all go back to our genetic past and find fault. Who, out there, is pure of heart?

I was working with a woman,not long ago, who was going through a soul and spirit tie breaking session. All of the sudden she looks at me and says "It's all because of my Indian blood, isn't it." I told her "No" but, others in the room wanted to argue to point. So, many times I have had this kind of thing occur.

This is an excuse for our behavior. "I can't help it. I'm American Indian." Oh, no you don't. If you are a Christian, you have redeemed yourself. The past is just that, the past.

There are such things as generational curses. But, it does not just belong to the American Indian nor is it an excuse. We spiritually discriminate. What a horrible thing that is. So much harm can be done when we spiritually discriminate between our brothers and sisters.

Unfortunately, the truth is,we are all filthy and come short of the glory of God. And to point to one group and say that "it's just because they are...." is not only hurting them it is hurting you. Does our God look upon our brother and hold his DNA against him. Or does God, choose before time, the spirit that is to be put into you. Does God create the DNA that makes up who you are. I don't believe that our spirits are divided into minority groups that are judged by genetic superiority.

Spiritual shallow of us. We do it to ourselves and we do it to others. We need to ask ourselves,if when we minister to others,does spiritual discrimination come into play. Are we making assumptions instead of letting God lead our ministry.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

"You ask not, beause you want not"

I have shared with you that every day I have God guide me to what He will have me write on each post. I do, falter in this area. Over the few days of Christmas, when I did not post, I kept asking myself what "what will I write about". I will even, at times, try to write a post in my own strength and it always sounds like gibberish. When will I learn?

Last night, I started the same thought cycle. What will I write? I did, however, tell myself, this time, to leave it alone. But, there is still that nagging doubt.

This morning I get out of bed and head for my chest of drawers. I had not gotten one foot in front of the other when I heard a bible verse. But, I heard it wrong. It reminded me of when you have been singing a song for years and then you buy the cd and read the words to your song and find that you have been singing it wrong for years. What is going on in the casbah?

Anyways, what I heard was...."you ask not because you want not". Now, we all know that the verse reads....yet ye have not, because ye ask not. James 4:2. So, I corrected my thought. Then it came again and I recognized God's voice and had the understanding of what he was saying to me.

I have for years tried to get people to understand that what goes on with me "supernaturally" is a gift that everyone has. That it is for everyone. And, for years, I have been trying to find ways for people to learn how to find this gift within themselves. That is part of what this blog is about. Today, God showed me how to help others get there.

You need to ask for the gift. But, do you want it? Or let me be even broader with my question. Do you want anything that God has to offer, outside of salvation? Or are you contend with salvation. I'm not minimizing salvation. I'm asking you "do you want more". Or are you contend with less.

"You ask not because you want not." WOW!!! We don't want the things of God. It is so much easier to not walk in the gifts of God. To not be responsible for how we use the gifts or for how we don't use the gifts. It is so much easier to walk in the simplicity of salvation over the complexity of God's plan. So much easier to not want than to want. So much easier to walk with one foot in the world and one foot in God's world. So much easier not to want.

To want the things of God is to give up the things of this earth. So, "we don't ask because we don't want". How sad is that. It is a revelation that brings sadness to my heart. I do not exclude myself from this revelation. I argue with God constantly over His plans for my life. Not, "wanting" to do His will, but, mine. I don't mind the spiritual gifts that He has put into my life, but, I don't "want" the rest of what He has for me. So, I don't' ask for anymore. I sadden my own heart.

I hope this revelation helps you, because it has certainly helped me. I will gladly ask that God make a way for the plans He has for me. Instead of, plotting against those things and not "wanting" them. I will "want" and ask. All of God not just the parts I want.

We need the complexity of God not the simplicity. He "wants" more of you. We should be "wanting" more of Him.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007


Psalm 63:1 O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Psalm 78:15
He split the rocks in the desert and gave them water as abundant as the seas

Once I was taken away in a vision by God to a place that we would call "desert". I was walking in a dry and arid place. My feet kicked up dirt and all around me were rock, dirt and sky. I asked God "What kind of place is this?" He told me to "Turn around." I turned to look and behind me laid a beautiful garden. Lush,full of vegetation,and water in abundance.

"What am I to make of this?" I asked God. "You are always walking into the desert, but, you leave behind you a garden." Then the vision was over.

I immedeatly felt wrong. To me and my narrow mind, I thought that I was missing the boat. That I was one step ahead of God. Or that I was just missing God by one step. It appeared to me that God was showing me that I was lacking and not flourishing.

But, I was listening to Satan's lies. What God was really showing me was that "we, as His children, walk in the desert (earth) daily and when we minister,His love, a forest grows up where we have walked. This forest feeds the people, giving them nursishment to walk through their own desert.

My husband and I took a 1500 mile trip on our Harley a few years back. We went to the desert. I love the desert,, he had never been. We will never go back. He hated it. On our trip, we stopped and took a hike back to some Indian ruins. We could see the ruins from the road and thought it was a short hike, so off we went. Our only nourshment, a can of Pepsi.

The hike turned out to be a 2 mile journey in the heat of the day. He, my husband, likes to tell people about a rabbit that we found on the way. The rabbit was so hot that it didn't move when we walked up on it. We stood about 2 feet from it as it panted in the heat. We, of course, survived and have kept that Pepsi can as a suvener of our trip across the desert.

What kind of noursishment do you have to survive on? "Daily", the Lord says, we walk through the desert. Are you daily, getting your nourishment from the Word of God. Do you put on your hiking boots, and get "fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." Ephesians 6:15. Are you leaving people with nouerishment or are you leaving them to find their own way through a dry and arid place.

God has given you purpose and one is to plant that forest everywhere that you go. To share His might and promises. To give life to the dieing by giving them nourishment. The Word of God nourishment to the dead and dieing.

Friday, December 21, 2007

From My House to Yours


I could not send you all a card, so I'm sending this

A post from a friend

Isaiah 6:8 “I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.”


? What is You Mission ?

Here is Mine:

I am sent on a mission. I am to bring perfection to a imperfect world, by the truth, the Word of God. To use my God given voice to speak and not hold back, no matter what the cost. To allow God, through me, to set others free to be all that He created them to be. To suffer here and reign hereafter. To bear the cross here and the crown hereafter. To continually seek my Fathers face, to sing praises to His Holy Name! To know the true fear of the Lord. To fall more & more in love with Him. To hear Him say “well done”. To fulfill my destiny, “for such a time as this”. For I do not want to hear Him say, “WELL”?
I am committing to RUN towards the goal and to PRESS on towards the mark of the higher and upwards calling in Jesus Christ, My Lord and Saviour. To lay hold of the purpose for which Christ Jesus has taken hold of me. I will run this race, and I will fight this good fight of faith and not give in nor give up!!!
The Lord has named me Rhonda. He has sent me to fulfill the meaning of my name here in the earth. The meaning of my name is: Grand, Beloved, Strength of Character, Rose,
Good-Spear. He has sent me to pierce the darkness, not only in this world, but in the Spiritual Realm, and in the Heavenlies.

*Luke 4:18-19: “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor, he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised. To preach the acceptable year of the Lord”.

What did He name you? What are you to do for Him? What is your mission?

*Isaiah 6:5-8: “Then said I, Woe is me! For I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the king, the Lord of host”
Have you seen Jesus?

“Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the alter. And he laid it upon my mouth, and said, Lo, this hath touched thy lips; and thine iniquity is taken away, and thy sin is purged. Also, I heard the voice of the Lord , saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us. Then said I, send me”.

Will you answer the Call? Will you go?

*Ezekiel 4:17-21: “Son of man, I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel: therefore hear the word at my mouth; and give them warning for me. When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked ways, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but his blood will I require at thine hand. Yet if thou warn the wicked, and he turn not from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity, but thou hast delivered thy soul. Again, when a righteous man doth turn from his righteousness, and commit iniquity, and I lay a stumbling block before him, he shall die: because thou hast not given him warning, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he has done shalt not be remembered; but his blood will I require at thine hand. Nevertheless if thou warn the righteous man, that the righteous sin not, and he doth not sin, he shall surely live, because he is warned, also thou hast delivered thy soul.”

*vs. 20: “he shall die…his righteousness which he has done shalt not be remembered”
*vs. 21: “he shall surely live”

*See Revelations 3:5: “He that OVERCOMETH, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before His angels”.

The righteousness you have done, is it going to be remembered?
Are you overcoming?
Is your name not to be blotted out of the Book of Life?
Are you going to live and not die?
Are you clothed in white raiment?
Is your name confessed before the Father?

God is perfecting us as a dangerous weapon against the enemy. He is working through us for His Kingdom, our true home. For eternal, true purpose for all of eternity. (For this life is but only a test). For our eternal purpose is for all of eternity.
Jesus is moving through us, by His anointing of the Holy Ghost, by the Word of the Father. Our tribune Authority. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Through our tribune submission of body, mind, and spirit. To do ALL that He has created for us to do, in such a time as this. Surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, with the Spirit of the Lord upon us, and within us, to do the even greater works.
He has marked us and ordained us and sent us into time for destiny and purpose, on a mission. As He sets at the right hand of God in the place of Authority, so sit we with Him. He has set us as watchmen. He has given us new eyes to see, new ears to hear, and a new voice to speak. By His Power and Might. By the Holy Ghost. He has given us the keys to the Kingdom. He has given us ALL Power and Authority to lock and unlock ALL doors. Here in the Earth, the Spiritual Realm,and in the heavens! Thy Kingdom come!!!
We are to bring the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth to a dying, hell bound generation. We are to sound the alarm. To lay down ourselves and EVERY WEIGHT that so easily besets us and to pick up our cross and to follow His will for us!!!
We are to get still before our Father. We are to listen and to speak forth what the Spirit is saying. We are to warn the people, set the captives free. “Let My People GO”. We are to go through and crossover to the otherside, by the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of our testimony! We are to take others with us into Eternal Life, we are not to go alone.


We are called, then prepared, then commissioned to GO!!! We are not to sit up in the church and just keep getting fat on the Word of God and becoming the Dead Sea. So full, yet not letting it flow out of us. We must GO!!!
Jesus came to set us free, so that we may in turn set others free. We are His voice in this heathen, world. We are His Remnant Warriors. We are His Prophets to this dying nation and generation. We are the miracles that He wants to work His miracles through.

REMEMBER: God has sent us on a mission. We have some great news for others. God has sent us to restore and to release something. That something is others! We are here to give others back life, by setting them free by the Truth, the Word of God. We should be furious with the enemy and fight against Him for the Salvation of others! Be on a mission to bring Gods perfection to a imperfect world.
Today is a busy day for Posting. I'm posting again, because a dear friend of mine wrote the following in the comments of Redeemed. I have suggested that she co-write this blog with me so, I thought I'd give you a little taste of what she has to say.

I am reminded of my team name at work. STORM CHASERS. That is who we are. We need to step into the battle. Chase and face the storms!!! Win this race. Finish our course. Overcome! We do not want to stand before the Father and see the man or woman that we “could” have been. We only get one race. Choose to be that man or woman that God ordained you to be now. Stir up that gift in which He put on the inside of you. Finish what He told you to do. Take the steps necessary to make it ALL happen. God will complete the good work in which He started in you, but you must quit waiting on Him, for He is waiting on you to take a step of faith.

How are you going to run your race?
Is it only to finish,
Is it to win the battle of the Lord?



I've been thinking:

I have been a child,a teen, a criminal, and pacifist, a hippie,
cindy and paul
a biker,
a model,
a dope addict, and a drunk.
I've been healthy and I've been sick.cindy- bike rally
cindy, dwayne and kent

But, now I am:
A lover of all, cindy and dwayne
Walking in purpose, cindy & eddie
redeemed by His love. Forgiven, lead, strong, true and who I am suppose to finally be.  

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Set free of the me that was confused, lost and on shaky ground.
Redeemed, that is who I am today.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Keeping your healing

I woke this morning to horrible pain. Pain that I have not had for years. The pain clouds my thinking and prayers. The only prayer that I have is "please." So, when I tried to write anything, for a post, I was blank. I, always, ask God what to post and today he was silent. Then through the veil of pain, I knew what he wanted.

When I was healed of Lupus, as I have written before, it was a total healing of all diseases. No more pain and no more symptoms. But, now and then, I would, have a symptom. A sore in the mouth, sporadic pain, a rash. These things are all designed by Satan, for you to doubt your healing.

If I begin to doubt my healing, I then start to entertain thoughts of sickness again. That evil foothold, again, starts to take hold and I, could, fall back into the disease of my past. If we linger on a thought that is not Holy it will begin to build into something evil. Again, "Catch every thought to the obedience of God."

So, what to do? What I do, and did, was to recognize the source of my symptoms. Satan would be that culprit. Then I call upon the power left to me by our Lord Jesus Christ and through the Holy Spirit announce to the spirit realm that "I'm not falling for that trick. I have been healed in Jesus name."

I never linger on the symptom. Rather, I call it what it is "a trick from hell" and shout out against the symptom. This, I believe, has kept me from relapse into Lupus. I believe with everything I got that I am healed and that I will, through the weapons that God has given me, stay healed.

To keep ones healing one must continue in prayer, continue to war, stay on top of the schemes of the evil one and believe.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Many people have come to me in my counseling practice with the statement, "I don't feel God anymore." I hear this in the church, at meetings, at dinners, anywhere and everywhere. It seems to be a constant complaint that fellow Christians recite.

My answer to them does not bring them the comfort they want nor the resolution they are seeking.

I answer with. "Perhaps God, now, wants you to walk by faith."

Romans 10:17 (Amplified Bible)

So faith comes by hearing [what is told], and what is heard comes by the preaching [of the message that came from the lips] of Christ (the Messiah Himself).

I heard a woman say one time that she had always been a Christian. She was brought up in the church. She envied those who came to Christ later in life because they had had that supernatural experience of feeling God. That it was harder for her to walk in faith because she had never felt God in this way. I must agree, it would be harder for me, if I did not have that moment in time when I first found God.

But, what happens to those first feelings? That overwhelming sense and knowledge that God exists. So many Christians long to continue those feelings.

I believe there comes a time when God wants you to walk only by faith. He has not pulled away from you, He wants you to find Him blindly. Learning to trust in those things "unseen".

What kind of faith would it be if we were to always feel God's presence. It, really, would take no faith at all. That sense, feeling, of God is withdrawn so that we can learn to trust Him by faith. It is a loving thing to with drawl these feelings, because, without blind faith we would not be able to stand till the end.

I have to build my faith. To come to the ultimate conclusion that God exists in everything and that He will and can do anything. By faith, I will endure, by faith,I will see God, by faith, I will walk out my love for my God.

Those who continue to pursue those first feelings of power and glory are leaning on their earthly senses not on faith. We are not to be guided by our senses, but, by faith in Jesus Christ. I know that there are times when the Spirit of God falls on you and you feel that joy or rush of power or get goose bumps, but, to pursue that or to think God has left you because you don't constantly feel Him is to be lead by a natural need.

God is always present. He has not departed. He just wants you to build up your faith. A faith that can "move mountains".

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

"You stole my salvation"

I had a man tell me once that I was responsible for his falling away from Christ.

Let me start at the beginning.

My husband knew this man from his past and I met him when he showed up at church. He was searching for faith in something and was going to try looking at Christianity. My husband asked him to go to lunch with us and that started a long spiritual battle for this man. At lunch he kept looking at me out of the corner of his eyes, trying to figure me out. You see, he had demons, many demons and I could see them and they,the demons, could see me. I knew what was going on with him, but, he didn't.

He is a very forth right man, so before lunch was over, he flat out told me. "I don't like you." I told him, I understood that and that I didn't like what was going on around him. That I loved him, but, didn't like his friends. Thus started a long hard work.

My team met with him on many occasions. His deliverance was not a one time event. One session went on for 12 hours. I remember this session only because of a strange thing that happened. He was wearing a very tight shirt. I was ministering to him when I saw, under his shirt, what looked like a very fat worm moving across his chest. It was under his skin, but, because his shirt was so tight, I could see it moving. I remember thinking, "if I had seen this before I became a Christian, I'd be running out of the room right now. But, instead I'm going to touch this thing." And I did. I reached out and laid my hand on this thing and the man screamed bloody murder. Well....I was surprised.

He had been involved with many religions. His spirit was a mess. He'd been in idolatry with another man. Believed this man to be God. He had developed a disease and his mind was so full of thought that he could not focus. God was merciful and delivered him.

But, he could not, or would not stand on his freedom. With time, he again, began to idolize a human being. One that he thought was a "super Christian". His mind, again, became overwhelmed with thought and his disease returned. He began to analyze the Bible, instead of meditating on it. His involvement with God became intellectual with no relationship.

His anger grew as well as his despair. There was no correcting him, because he believed he had all the answers. So, I watched, in prayer, as he slipped back into the grasp of Satan.

He left the church, although, he continued to visit other churches looking for the perfect church. We ran into him one day at a store. He looked very ill. His color was pasty and his weight had dropped dramatically and I could see his friends were back. We were glad to see him and he was cordial to us. But, a few weeks later, I got an e-mail from him.

He wrote a long letter. But, what all the long eloquent, drawn out lyrical writing was really about. was summed up in one sentence. "You stole my Salvation." He, also, wrote that if I returned an e-mail with a response, he would consider it an attack. Well, that didn't seem fair.

After all the long hours of deliverance and healing he only remember one single event. God had told me to confront him with an issue that he had. He stated in his e-mail that God was not confrontational, that He was a loving God and would never be so stern.

Don't we all wish that we could define God to our own making. Don't we all wish that we could make God in our image. NO!! Not really. But, this man is doing just that.

What he wants, he is designing. He is 100% responsible for his own salvation. He is blaming me for his own decision. Looking for a scape goat.

It is not easy being a Christian if you cannot accept God for who He is. For myself, I have struggled with who I am in Christ. Not exactly, flowing in the norm, I have had to chip a niche out for myself and except who I am. But, I never questioned the method nor design of God. God can be quit confrontational. When He wants to get His point across He will use whatever method He chooses. He, after all, is God.

It is easy to blame others for your own short comings. It is hard to listen to God and accept you short comings and then overcome. This man is on a track to hell. He is living in his own self made hell now. Miserable and self indulging. His indulgence though are self destroying. He listens to a self made God, Himself.

Monday, December 17, 2007

A Dangerous Statement

I heard a very famous televangelist say the other day that, "we can not serve the Lord and be in sin". I thought this wrong, but let it go. Then I read the same thing in a blog and just can not let this one go. I've heard it many times and was left with a bad taste in my mouth. So, I'm going to state my feelings on this and hope that you, dear reader, will correct me if you see I'm wrong or you will state your case.

My feelings on, "you can't serve the Lord if you are in sin" are based on these scriptures:

Romans 3:23-26 The Message

we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.

There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement,through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

If I were to believe the statement that God can not use me with sin in my life, then I have to ask myself "what God am I serving, if not the Lord Jesus Christ." Because, I have seen so many miracles and healings in my ministry. And yet, "I am the chief of all sinners".

If I had no sin in my life I wouldn't need Christ. Are those who believe these statements delusional? Do they think that they walk in perfection, because, it is obvious that God uses this famous televangelist. What is he thinking?

I'm to walk in forgiveness. So, when someone cuts me off in traffic I don't cuss them out. Instead I raise my voice and state "I forgive you!!!" Now, I know the truth. The truth is, I'm angry. I try to hide it, by stating I forgive you, but, the truth, and I know it, is "you idiot, are you trying to kill me." Not very gracious or forgiving. Not a sin free life. And yet, God uses me.

If we were not used by God because of our sin, God would not be visible on this earth. "Everyone comes short of the glory of God". Everyone.

The apostle Paul wrote in Romans 7:21

21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
The Message.

Oh, I wish I could be more Christ like. But,thank goodness for mercy, grace and the forgiveness of Christ. I would be useless in the Kingdom of God if it were not for the sacrifice of Jesus. Thank God, that He uses me where I'm at, that He comes near me even though I am as "filthy as rags", that He loves me "just as I am"

I believe that these careless statements make the Christian walk appear, to the world, as exclusive and unattainable. They are lies and dangerous to the new Christian and should be put back where they belong, in the pit of hell.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Copyright© by Len Jones

Friday, December 14, 2007

My Inner Healing

God has healed me physically and spiritually. I knew of the physical. It is obvious, I had Lupus, I was dying, I am now healed. But, the spiritual, I have overlooked that, because of my stinking thinking.

A few years back my husband and I spent a week at a seminar with Randy Clark. The last day of the seminar was spent with Francis and Judith MacNutt. Judith Macnutt taught on inner healing. Now, in my counseling practice I have performed many Inner Healing's. But, never considered having one for myself. I felt that when I came to God I was healed from all my spiritual wounds. I was totally taken aback by what happened at this seminar.

Judith ask us to close our eyes and she began to guide us towards healing. I suddenly was in a vision. I was in a cave. It was long and had a shelf carved into the side of it. As I stood there a cage came sliding down that shelf and when it stopped I saw that my oldest brother was in the cage. Then another cage flew in with another brother. Then my mother and then my father. All were on the shelf, lined up in cages.

Jesus was standing beside me. I ask Him, "why are they in cages?" He answered with, "You put them there with your unforgiveness." Dear reader, this comment from God caused me to start weeping in the natural. I felt so horrible that I not only was depriving myself from the fullness of God, but I knew that I was also responsible for not setting my family free. I was in a room with 300 people, but, I was inconsolable. I wept loudly.

In the vision, I walked over to my oldest brothers cage and opened it. I took his hand and helped him out. I spoke to him, forgiving him for the things known and unknown that he had done to me and I asked him to forgive me for the same. I then walked to each cage and repeated this forgiveness. With my mother, I got specific. Forgiving her for the brutality of my childhood.

When I had finished, I walked back to Jesus. He picked me up into His arms. I noticed that I was in a white dress and black Pattin leather shoes, as if I were a little girl again. He held me tight. I looked down at my family. They looked very, very small. I asked Jesus, "Why are they so little?" He said, "That monster that lived inside of you, is of no significance any longer." Now, I'm wailing in the natural. I have no idea if anyone else in the seminar was healed that night, but, they all know that I was healed.

God in His mercy healed me that night. But, my stinking thinking continued. At least with my mother. I did not catch every taught to the obedience of God. I would not allow myself to walk in my healing over her.

Oh Pretty Lady was right in her comment about my post "walking the line between flesh and forgiveness". My mothers staying with my is about the healing between mother and daughter. You see the last few days, I have realized that my mother is dieing. She has quit eating, but I make her eat. She has quit asking for her precious cup of hot tea, but I make it for her anyways. She has become listless and sleeps in the rocking chair all day. The Alzheimer is taking her life.

Yesterday, when I realized she was going, I broke down. My thinking about her changed. I do not want to lose my mother. The last few months I have had the mother that I should of had when I was a child. She tells me she loves me, which I had never heard before. I would tell her I love her back, but, feel that I did not mean it. Now, I say it and know that I mean it. I feel no disgust nor anger in myself any longer towards her. I finally have my mother. God is great.

Thank you Holy Father for what you have done. For giving me this time with my mother to understand my healing is complete and to be able to love on her the way she needs to be loved on.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Source

I went to a funeral yesterday that was so joyful at times that, one would forget why you were there. The pastor who spoke at the end spoke about our spirit. It reminded me of what God had said to me about our spirit.

The pastor said, that when God creates he always creates through the already existing source. Such as, when he designed fish, he had already created the water. This then shows that when we are created, through our mothers womb, that the source needed to create us is already in existence. But, what about our spirit.

God takes a piece of Himself and puts it into our natural being. The source being God. "He knew us before we were formed." So, here we are put into time with a piece of God in us. Our lives move on and we forget about God because we have been put into the natural. But, God brings to our remembrance Himself.

But, what do you think happens before we are put into time. This preacher had a great scenario. He proposed that God would want your spirit to agree to what would happen in time. "Do your agree to addictions?" "Do you agree to abuse?" "Do you agree to tragedy?" Of course we agree. Why would we agree? Because redemption comes into play. Your struggle becomes part of your story that you agreed to.

There will comes a time that we will recognize God's voice and redeem ourselves. And those things of the past will fall into the purpose of God. It is all part of our assignment. Then your message becomes God's message. You begin to leave on this earth the message that God is sending. You walk it out.

God completes you before He begins you. He gives you His mark and sets you out to fulfill His great plan. If you ignore God's call on your life you could die incomplete. The great plans of God falling on your grave. Incomplete!!

All this brings me back to what God has been ministering to me about our spirit. That He puts a spirit into our bodies that He has known and loved for eternity. One of the purposes of this spirit is to bring our souls to Him. God does not give us this spirit so it would burn in the presence of Satan. He has shown me, in part, that the spirit that He has given us continues in His presence for eternity. If we choose not to go to God, our spirit will return to God.

There is a commingling of our spirit and soul. That is how we know and recognize God. But, if I choose to not follow our Lord Jesus Christ my soul will not see the glory of God. My spirit, however, will return to be by His side.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

A time for violence

I get a the newsletter "The Healing Line" regularly. It comes from Christian Healing Ministries inc. run by Francis and Judith MacNutt. My husband and I have great admiration for these two people. We were fortunate to be able to spend a day of seminars with them. Blessed? We were.

This time the newsletter had an article written by Francis Macnutt called "The Greatest Gift of All Love". It, the article, of course is wonderfully written,but, gave me pause. I told my husband that MacNutt believes we are to never be violent. That we do not walk the greatest commandment, "You must love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like the first: 'Love your neighbor as yourself'". Matthew 22:37-39.

Macutt writes that Jesus teaches non-violence. That this is a part of love. I shared this with my husband who took on a look of bewilderment. He said, "I'll have to think on that one." Last night he shared with me his thoughts on a non-violent Christ. His view is worth taking a look at.

He shared that he'd noticed in the Word that Jesus' avoided those whom he found objections to. He did not approach those who would anger Him. We see in the Tabernacle that when he did see or approach those of ill repute His reaction was one of violence. Turning over the tables with great anger.

My thoughts, while he was sharing, went to the woman who was being confronted by the men for adultery. When Jesus approached, he was her savior.

John 8

1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

11"No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Maybe Christ was stooping down and writing in the sand to compose Himself. After all, these men were certainly less than honorable. He was so kind to the woman who had no hidden agenda. Was he restraining Himself from letting these guys have it with His words or from His righteous anger.

God is not always non-violent. Even in the new covenant. When Jesus returns the Bible does not describe a peaceful event. Read Revelations.

There are times when violence is needed and appropriate. Just Sunday, in Colorado, if the security guard had not shot the gunman, many more would have died. That violence was needed and appropriate.

I agree that we do not love enough. To love like God alludes us. We should always strive to put on the mind of Christ and walk in love. But, there is a time and place for everything under heaven. And if I had been that guard in Colorado and I had had her courage, I would have done the same thing. God bless her.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I am late posting because of our weather. Ice is coming down.

I have been praying protection over those in my family that have to drive in this weather. My husband, my son-in-law and my son. My son lives next door to me. He comes over every morning before work and we talk. This morning we had stepped outside and he fell on the ice.

I could do nothing. I watched has he began to fall in slow motion. He went down and landed on the step and then continued to fall down to the bottom step. His body was out of control going whereever it wanted. I felt helpless.

He got up quick and said "was that in slow motion?" He was hurt but, not bad. He has road rash on his back and hand. But, no broken bones nor did he hit his head. He went on to work.

Luke 18:1
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

Prayers. Yes, God honors our prayers. His fall happened so unexpectedly that I had no time to yell in the spirit realm "NO" nor pray. But, I had been praying that protection over my love ones.

Matthew 6:8
Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

God is honorable. He was right there with my son. I didn't have time to ask, but, God knew exactly what we needed and saved him from hitting his head or breaking a bone. His head came inches from hitting the edge of the step.

I praise you Father. I thank you Father that you are always there, that you know me and answer the prayer of your faithful.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Exposing the "Mark"

I had a conversation with God this weekend. It was quit exciting. Exciting for me, controversial for others. But, I suppose anytime God speaks and reveals it will be controversial to most.

I was praying about a woman that was coming over for prayer. God started revealing things to me about Revelations 14:9-10.

Revelation 14:9-10 (The Message)

9-11A third Angel followed, shouting, warning, "If anyone worships the Beast and its image and takes the mark on forehead or hand, that person will drink the wine of God's wrath, prepared unmixed in his chalice of anger, and suffer torment from fire and brimstone in the presence of Holy Angels, in the presence of the Lamb. Smoke from their torment will rise age after age. No respite for those who worship the Beast and its image, who take the mark of its name."

At the time I had no idea why I was taken to these verses. But, what stopped me with revelation was "age after age". Then God started talking. "You take the mark to literal." I then realized what "age after age" meant.

God showed me that if he has put a mark on us, showing that we are is people. Then Satan, also, puts a mark on his people to show they belong to him. That this has been going on from the beginning. The mark is already here.

It is not something that we need to wait for and look for in the future. It always has been and always will be. Christians will not take chips or other marks from anyone because their belief that this is from Satan. I am not saying to take a chip. I will not take a chip. God showed me this, not taking the chip, to show that what the word says is truth in the area of buying and selling. We believe it,a chip etc., to be the mark of the beast so, we will not take it and by this act expose ourselves as Christian. But, the mark is already here.

Satan mimics God in everything. This includes the mark of his people. We need to continue to be vigilant in these the last days. We need to be concerned about those who carry the mark of the beast. We need to be ministering to the lost and bring light and hope to their lives.

For myself, I am asking God to show me the mark of the beast on people. I want to know who they are. Why? To pray for them , to pray for those around them , to pray that not one would be denied access to the kingdom of God.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Great cartoon

Friday, December 7, 2007

Wonderfully and perfectly made

It has been said that mental illness is from Satan. That schizophrenics are possessed by demons. There are books out there that profess to this theory, but, that is it, it is a theory. And it is a bad, misled, uneducated, lie from hell.

When I first became a Christian, I had been working with the severely and presciently mentally ill. I worked out patient at a local hospital. I took on a case load that consisted, at one time of 16 clients. These clients ranged from borderline personality disorder to paranoid schizophrenia.

At my church, I started a Christian support group, for the mentally ill. It was an incredible experience. The first day, that the group met, I had 20 people show. Their biggest concern, the thing that bothered them the most in their Christian walk, was that they were not acccepted. There were stories of being asked to leave churches, of people flat out telling them that they were possessed and even stories of people who tried to do exorcisms on them.

This group grew quit large and they began to come to my church. Where ever my husband and I sat, there would be a group of mentally ill sitting all around us. I began to call myself the Pied Piper of the mentally ill.

There was Angie in this group. Angie had tactile hallucinations. She believed, at times, that her skins was on fire. So real to her, were these hallucinations, that she would scream and try to run from herself. In the group she shared that she could calm down when she looked at a small picture of Jesus that she carried with her everywhere. The whole group got a picture of Jesus and carried it with them.

There was Janice. Janice heard voices. The voices would tell her things to do. Sometime they told her to hurt herself. The way Janice came to manage the voices was to ask "what would Jesus do"? The group began to ask the same.

Then there was Barbara. Barbara suffers with paranoid schizophrenia. When I first met her she was in a full blown episode. Her husband, who had mental illness, was withholding her medicine and she was a mess. I hospitalized her that day, but, within two weeks she was ready to face the world.

Barbara functions well, but, when you meet her, you know that she is ill. Barbara, however, is one of the most Spirit filled woman I have ever met. She hungers for Him and seeks Him always. She is a blessing to all that meet her. And if you come within her proximity, you will meet her. She always has a song in her heart. Sometimes she will sing a song to you that is praising God. These are usually songs that you hear in church. But, mostly, she sings songs to you that God has put on her heart. These songs are prophetic. Directed right to you. A message from God that will tear at your very being.

Barbara always wants me to pray healing over her. I feel her desire and longing for healing. But, God has told me that she is "wonderfully and perfectly made." She is exactly the way she is suppose to be. She would not be a blessing if she were any other way. So, I can't pray healing over her. I tell her what God says to me and she always repeats it back to me. "I am wonderfully and perfectly made." She is a faithful servant of our Lord.

Over the years, I have come to recognize that the mentally ill are vulnerable to oppression from Satan. Many are naive to the suggestions of Satan and fall into his traps, but, so do the rest of us. When they do become used by Satan, their lack of restraint makes them more noticeable to the public. I don't believe that they are any more possessed than a criminal. Just more noticeable.

As people of faith, we are more accepting of criminals than the mentally ill. Somehow we understand the behaviors of the criminal more than the mentally ill. Our fears stem from a past generation of superstition and lack of education. Personally, I have been blessed over and over again by the mentally ill but, rarely blessed by the criminal elements in our world.

Don't get me wrong. The mentally ill can be irritating, manipulative, controlling, out of control and abusive just like to rest of us but, do you believe that when they are like this they are different from they rest of us. Are they possessed? NO!!! They are children of the Living God. Vulnerable to Satan's plans, but, strong in faith.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Healing: Spiritual, Emotion and Physical

I mentioned, in passing, the other day, in "Sense of Death" a women that I had prayed for whom still needed prayer. This was mistaken. I had spoke with her husband, who told me that she still wasn't well. Well, this was not quit right.

Let me start from the beginning. She had been ill for quit a long time. She lost her sister in October and had spiraled down from there. She was close to her sister and the sudden death hit her hard. Her sister died of a heart attack at 39 years old. My friend whom we will call Sue, was the oldest girl and had taken care of and protected her little sister from childhood.

Sue's sense of loss was great. So great that she had developed a desire for death herself. Hence, she got ill. The illness was in her lungs. When I got the call to go to her, her breathing was shallow and labored. She was so very weak.

When I got there, we sat and talked. God revealed to me her death wish and that there was an assignment placed on her, by the evil one, to kill her and that she welcomed it. We talked about this for a while. But, nothing seemed to sway her thinking until I said, "Your serving Satan." This got her attention. She didn't want this. She began to pray and I, in Jesus' name, broke the assignment. It was not exactly easy. There was a lot of warfare and Sue likes to walk when she wars. So, I held her up while she paced back and forth.

She became excited. I saw, in the spirit, that there was much more. I prayed against oppressing spirits and spirits of infirmity. Now, we are walking, praying and she is throwing up. Only by the grace of God is she able to stand. She had been so very weak, that there is no way she could of been standing under her own power even with my help.

She sat down and reflected. She started talking about another sister and what their father had done two all the girls. I need not describe. I jumped up, by the leading of the Spirit, and put my hands on her and broke both the soul and spirit ties. Through the Spirit, I gave back to her those things that her father had taken from her and gave back to him those things that he had left with her. I have no idea if she knew what soul and spirit ties were, but, she went with the flow.

We prayed for hours. I was determined not to leave that place till God's work was done. Satan was not going to kill her. When I believed that we were done, I sealed the work with the balm of Gilead. She was stronger, breathing better. God told me she should take a nap. She did and when she woke, her strength was back.

I talked to her two days later. God's faithfulness is awesome. She is healed and is going back to work. I asked her how her spirit was, since this illness was certainly spiritual. She said she was light of heart and praising God for His mercy.

She was obedient to what God was telling her. He told her to call me. She hesitated, she told me, and called others, but, no one would come to her. She gave in and called me. God had been preparing me for this day, by giving me the sense that someone was dieing. She remained obedient by allowing the Spirit of God to flow freely in her home and with that healing came. The healing was physical, emotional and spiritual. Today is a new day for her. A day of freedom, that was needed for a long time. A day of renewal, she walks closer to God. A day of joy, she praises God constantly. He has great plans for her and I thank God that He saved her twice. Twice from the grip of Satan. Her salvation and her entire healing.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

N.A.I.S. : "The Mark Of The Beast"

The business of Marking the beast is so complex, it takes two to tell you about it, posted by both Given55 and Phelan

Should we be concerned about the government putting chips into our animals? Whoa, did you even know that this was happening. Yep, without a whole lot of ruckus it is being implemented as we speak.

We, as Christians, know that the time is short before our Lord Jesus Christ returns. Over the last two thousand years it as been said many times that the time was short. But, never has so many prophetic applications come to fruition. We need to be paying attention.

With this government intrusion, you will not be able to buy, sell or trade any animal that does not have a chip. This does include your pets. At least for now, your barn yard pets. Oh yea, even Fido and tabby. My daughter has been fighting this and has several articles for you to read. One about the Amish and their response to this invasion of privacy, children that could not show their animals at 4H because they had no chip, and why this is important to you.

This is all happening now! A few states have already mandated that the chips be implanted into the animals. There is a movement in the air to take away our constitutional rights and our great freedom to choose.

You should, also be aware that one of the contracting companies that is supplying the U.S. government has a program called Digital Angels. It is a program to put GPS chips into infants and children. I think this is horrifying and Biblical all at the same time.

The Word of God warns us of the mark of the beast. There have been many views of what this could possibly mean. It never crossed my mind that it could or would start with our livestock and pets.

N.A.I.S. = the mark of the beast.

Phelan writes: NAIS stands for National Identification System. The USDA wants the program as a way to track, disease and fight terrorism. Or so they claim. Many media outlets have ignored this program due to the fact that they feel that it only affects the small farming community. This is untrue. It affects anyone that eats, be them a vegan or a carnivore. Fertilizers are used to grow your vegetables. The USDA’s program will stop all trade, buying and selling between small family ‘steads. Soon we could end up with a food monopoly, with only the large ag businesses able to sell you food. Your choice in the quality and location of food stuff will disappear. At a time when eating local is such the craze, the USDA has been hotly pursuing our children, giving money to FFA (Future Farmers of America) and 4H.

Without the chip for tracking, the USDA will come down and fine you, not only the $1,000 per day fine (at last look that was what they were wanting to charge us) they also have a depopulation program that has already been enacted in a few states. No proof of disease required. We will also be part of the “national” herd. No more property rights for you my friend. Homesteaders and small farms will be hurt by this program. If a storm washes through and you loose your livestock, and wish to replenish you will not be able to. If your farm/home is not registered with the USDA, you will be unable to buy a chipped beast. Without the chipped beast you will not be able to own livestock, you will not be able to make a living or take care of your family. Religious beliefs are set aside by our government. The Amish have been rumored to be leaving one state because of their mandatory NAIS program. Your animals will not be able to seek vet care do to your choosing to not chip your animal. Some will argue that chipping your animal is good for keeping them safe, good for our food safety, a good way to keep away terrorists. And my only answer could be

"They that would give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." " The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either." ~Benjamin Franklin

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Which door?

My husband had a dream last night that was a awesome word from God. So I thought I'd share it with you.

He dreamed that our house cat had gotten out. He spent time catching the cat and making it go back into the house. When he got the cat into the house, I let it out another door that led back out. He asked me, "Why did you let him out. I just brought him back in?" My reply was, "He can go out this door." The cat then climbed the fence, that enclosed the area that the first door led to and this place had a dog and a bird in it. The bird was not well. It flew around this enclosed area like it was confused and hurt. The bird suddenly attacked the cat. Of course, the cat attacked back and the dog joined in. When the bird got away it was bloody and even more confused.

God gave me an interpretation of this dream.

The two doors, one leading to the fenced in yard the other to the world, are doors that lead to God. The fenced in yard is where we confine God. The fence represents control. The wounded bird represents ourselves. The cat and dog = the enemy.

When we choose to confined God by our limits and make Him what we want Him to be, we use the door to the fenced in yard. We have control over who God is. This offers us little protection from the enemy and we walk around wounded. We call out to the Lord and use His named to rebuke, but to little advantage. We are not dead, but we are struggling.

The other door leads to freedom in God. It represent us letting go and letting God be God. No limitations, no restraints, God is free. We are free in that place. We call upon the Lord and He is free to answer, free to do miracles, free to heal, free to be the God of Abraham. Through that door we see God, hear God and have intense relationship with God.

Which door have you chosen? Do you have control or have you opened the door that gives God control. If God is not showing Himself in your life, I suggest that you take a look at what door you are using.

The most amazing part of all this, is that a year ago God told me that there is a door in our minds that leads to Him and that all we have to do is open that door and walk into Him.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Sense of Death

I have had an impending sense of death for weeks. I actually thought it was my death. It has been so strong that I wasn't quite sure what I was suppose to do with this feeling, knowledge, sense. All I really knew was that death was in the air.

Friday I got a phone call. When I said "hello" the voice on the other end was strange. Mostly, I heard breathing. Very labored breathing. I heard my name called and recognized, the weak voice, as a friend. She was trying to ask for prayer. But, I went to see her instead of praying over the phone. When I got there, I was alarmed at her appearance. She'd lost weight and could not stand up straight. Her coughing tore at her ribs and she moaned with pain.

In October her sister had died, at 39, of a massive heart attack. My friend was having great difficulty with this loss. So much so that God showed me that my sense of death was not about me, but, was about her. She had such a desire for death that the enemy was killing her. We prayed for hours, talked a lot about spiritual matters, broke soul & spirit dies and broke the assignment to kill her. She looked so much better. God met her there and she celebrated. By Sunday, though, she was back in bad shape. Tomorrow, I will see her again.

My sense of death did not relent. I decided that we were not done with our work and that was the problem. But, tonight I got another call. Another friend called for prayer. Her husbands brother had had a heart attack and a few hours later his sister had a heart attack. I was stunned. This was a major attack on a family. Before I could even get a pray out, the phone rang again. The brother, whom I enjoyed in life. had passed. He was gone. God has taken him home.

I felt selfish. I felt this sense of death was about me. My mind never considered that it was about someone else. But, when I think about this, I realize that as a human, it would be difficult for me to project those feelings onto someone else. It is easier for me to consider my own death, than to perceive that another could go home.

I didn't ask God what was going on. Why I was having these feelings. I just assumed it was about myself. Why didn't I ask God? I usually do. Again, I don't think I wanted to know. I, also, don't believe that God was wanting me to pray against these things. I do believe that it was more of a warning for me, a perpetration for the events to come. With my first friend, it was definitely a help. I knew exactly what was going on because of the what had been going on with me. The feelings that I'd been having led me to what her problem was. God, as always, was leading and teaching me.

I made assumptions. A mistake. But, with this I learned more about myself and my limitations. Death does not scare me, I just don't want it for others. Or, at least, I do not want to be forewarned.

Father, thank you that you expose those things in me that keep me from you. That keep me from my purpose. That limit my walk by your side. Forgive me for not taking my eyes off of myself and putting them on you.

Saturday, December 1, 2007


Beautiful & magnificent God, Thank you.

Thank you for your very being.

Thank you for the art of your hands.

Thank you that you are the creator.

Thank you that you choose to love us.

Thank you because I need to.

Thank you that I can look to you and you answer.

Thank you because I want to.

Thank you for sweet, sweet songs.

Thank you for your gifts.

Thank you for your laws.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you that you never leave.

Praise your name, Praise your majesty, Praise you, Praise you. Praise you.

There is no other like you. I want to be ever closer to you. Father bring me into your throne room. Hold me close, whisper in my ear, show me your ways.

I am but, your humble servant. I long to see your face. I wait to see your face. As your servant I wait for your call, even though I yearn, I will wait.

Loving you is easy, waiting is learning, worshipping you is simple. My love goes deep. You are what I wait for, your completeness in me.