Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Passing Over

I don't know what to write. I really don't. I wait on God to tell me what I should write and I hear nothing. I can only reflect.
The last 12 days have been long and a blur. I have seen God move in so many ways that I can only sit in awe of the beauty of His glory. I have had ordained appointments, seen into the spirit realm and cried till my eyes became raw.

I waited for the spirit of death and he arrived last night at 10 till 7. My mother is gone. Gone from us, but now with the Father. She cried at that moment of death and I rose up from my sit, bent over her and spoke truth to her. She heard me, my brother kissed her and she left. Oh, how we wept.

Throughout the day people had come and gone in her room. So, many prayed and so many songs were sang over her. The song, still resonate in my heart. My friends came and loved on my mother as if she were their own. They are, my friends, beautiful people of God. Giving of themselves in that hour and showing the love of God. To them I say "Thank you".

I prayed, all day, that God would let me see her go. I expected, if I saw, it to be like it was in the post "Spirit of Man". But, as the day went on, I just began to ask for God's will and left my need behind. Turns out, a friend had been praying that God would give me a supernatural experience with my mother and he did.
At some point in the day, I had the thought that my mother's spirit was going to go right through me. After the thought, I pondered and told myself that was weird.
Feeling it was my own strange thinking, I let it go. But, in that last moment, I knew before she took her last breath that it was done. I sat back and I saw a blur quickly rise up out of her and fly right through me. I felt a weight come off of me. It gave me the feeling that I had lost a hundred pounds and was, for a second weightless. She did as I had thought and flew right through me.

It has only been eleven hours now, but there has been much speculation on why this happen by a handful of people. One, was that she took with her the burden that I have been carry for the last five years of taking care of her. I don't know. Maybe, it was just God's way of answering my prayer of seeing her go. No matter what the reason, it was a beautiful moment and I thank the Most High for giving it to me.
grandma nancy
They told us that we could take as much time with her as we wanted after she was gone. But, we began to pack up and leave. She was no longer there and we saw no point. Her body is now in the hands of the embalmer, which is a notion that I can not stand. I detest embalming and think that we should, like the Jews, go to the ground quickly and not mutilate the body. But, she wanted to allow time for her out of state family to come to see her. So, I cringe and just take it.
virginia, corene, agnes, katherine
There are certain things that we need and want in this life and one that strikes us to the very core is the need for our mothers. Good or bad we are connected to her in so many ways. That earthly connection, for myself, has been broken. I will, however, see her again. I have that great hope in my life. I have assurance of where she is now and her future. My mother has not stopped she has become more. More lovely, more vigorous, more joyful, more enlightened, more gracious, more elegant, more beautiful. She is now set free and I know, with out a doubt, that she is happy.

Monday, April 28, 2008

My Will

Can we interfere with the plans of God? Can we, with the power that the Lord has left us, delay, destroy, or corrupt the plans of the Almighty? This is a question that I have been asking myself and searching God for the answer to.

Smith Wigglesworth wrote that his wife had been killed and dayand he prayed her back to life. This was a mistake (not in God's plan) and after a talk with his wife, he let her go to her God. I heard of another man who was ill and the doctors said that there was nothing that they could do for him. His wife, who was an incredible prayer warrior, prayed healing over him and he recovered. But,he became ill again, and again she prayed him to health. This went on and on till finally, the man asked that his wife be kept away from him so he could go to God.

These appear to be examples of interference with the plans of God.

I have been at the hospital for 12 days now. My mother is in the hospice unit and is just laying in the bed. Nothing more. Just lying there.

Last week, as I sat in front of her, I saw the spirit of death come to her. I gasped at the prospect. The spirit left, but then returned a moment later. I watch it and could feel the fear rise up within me. Then, again it left.

I was confused by this, why would it leave? I have prayed and look to God over the issue. A moment of clarity came to me at 3:30 in the morning. I had gotten up from m hospital bed to ask the nurses to move my mother and give her morphine. After I sat down, a man walked into the room. What is this at 3:30 in the morning? He told me he was a Chaplin.

He mentioned my mother and I welled up with tears. He said, that's alright, even Christ wept. I shared with him, that I believe that Christ wept because He could feel the pain of His people and was overcome by His love for them. The Chaplin began to weep and said "You have moved me." He then pulled up a chair. We had the most intimate and deep conversation,, about our God that I have ever had. We shared our love for God and what He had done for us. We truly ministered to each other. But, He seemed to know things about me that I had not told him and in those things he gave me incredibly encouraging words.

At one point, while he was speaking, I looked over at my mother and knew that God was talking to me. He said, "It is your fault". I knew that He was talking about why she lingers. "It is your fault". What a frightening thought that was to me.

I have prayed about this for a few days. I now realize that in my will, my subconscious will, I have interfered with the plans of God. I have not prayed to keep my mother from death, but have willed it in my deep longings for her to stay.

I always, try to only do what I see my Father doing and to never pray against His will. But, knowing this is wrong, I never thought about the outcome of doing such a thing. How devastating.

My will not God's. Not the way I try to walk, but this is what I have been doing. So, now, I have to learn how to completely surrender this one, knowing that when I do my mother will leave. I have tried and not found the road to completeness with this issue. I continue to strive to unload my will and lay it at the foot of the cross.

So, much to battle right now. I can only surrender and watch God's hand at work. I know the glory and joy that will lay at the other end, but right now it is a battle. I am, however, very tired of the battle and want to surrender so I can rest in the arms of my God.

Saturday, April 26, 2008


The weekend is here and I do not usually post. But, I am still sitting in this hospital room and wanting to let out my feelings. So, my blog gets the brunt of my emotional whirl wind.

My mother no longer speaks, eats nor drinks. She just is. It is very difficult for me to not be able to fix this. When your child has a cold, broken arm, stubbed toe, you fix it. Never knew how intense this urge was, to fix, was in me. I feel helpless, but praise God, nor hopeless.

I slept last night, for the first time in days. But, I would wake up in the hospital bed and listen to hear her breathe. She continues on but, without pain and for that I am so very grateful.

Every once in a while, I freak out. It is as if I suddenly explode with emotion. What I'd really like to do is to scream at the top of my lungs for about 5 minutes. That would relieve a lot, but instead I let in out a bit at a time. So, bits of explosion come out of me now and then and I weep.

There is no room for us in the hospice. Is that a weird thing. They are full and have a waiting list. So, the hospital that we are in has made her room into a temporary hospice. It has all been surreal.

I keep turning to God for my comfort. He stands by me and my family. I see Him in the faces of those who care for my mother and those who come to encourage and support the family through this time. I am, so very grateful to everyone. God is here and I am blessed because of it.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

A Time to Die

It is 10:47 at night. I am sitting in a hospital beside the bed of my mother. Today I made the decision to take her off all medical help. So, now I wait.

We do a lot of waiting in our life time. We wait for the baby to be born, we wait for the bride to walk down the aisle. We wait for the beginning and we wait for the end. We wait in line and we wait for the pain to stop. But, this is the longest wait of my life.

I watch her chest rise and fall and think ahead to that last moment when it no longer rises. When my mother is no longer a part of my everyday existence and I no longer hear her voice. That is a time I wish would never come. But, I sit and wait for that moment knowing I can not stop time.

I chose to make this wait stop. I told the doctors "no more". And yet, I have my doubts that I did the right thing. Knowing it is the right decision and feeling it is right are two different things. My feelings are drowning in a sea of tears.

The wait could take a while. "No one knows" is what the doctor said. He added that, "her heart is strong, but it is failing." I wondered at the contradiction, but understood that she was not going to come back to me. So, morphine is the drug of comfort and now she sleeps. But, I do not. I sit and wait. Watching her chest rise and fall. Waiting for her to leave me.

The Farm

The first time I heard the audible voice of God I hear, "No predator will cross your land." I had been working in the psych department of a local hospital, at the time, and thought I needed to go to lock up because I was now hearing voices.

Within moments, I realized I was hearing God's voice. So, I then got excited. What could this mean, was my next thought. We were, at the time, living on our 120 acre farm. I was only about a mile from the farm when I heard this message. So, I immediately believed that God meant my farm. But, when I shared this word with a friend she said, "isn't it frustrating that God always speaks in parables." I was a new Christian, so I believed that what she was saying was the absolute truth and decided that what God truly meant was that He would not let people cross me or destroy me.
Now, as I think back on that, I realize that God has not once talk to me in parables. He has always spoke to me without mystery. It has always been straight talk with no hidden meaning. So, I ask myself, why would He have talk to me in a parable this one and only time.

So, I have reevaluated this Word and gone back to what my sense of its meaning was in the beginning.

We still own the farm. We had to move into town because of the Lupus that, at that time, was ravaging my body. The doctors said I needed to be close to a hospital. Since my healing, we have not thought of moving back. But, we did not feel the need to sell it either. The land is leased out and that makes the payments for us. But, now, we have an intense sense that we need to get back to the farm.
Both my husband and myself have been praying, intensely about this decision. Wanting only Gods will in this matter. Gas prices are a concern. My husband has to work and it is 60 miles aways from work. This is an isolated farm. Even the locals say our farm is in the boonies. It is far from civilization.

So, back to the word. My original thought was that God meant that my land was a safe place. A place that no predator (man) would cross. That in the end times this was a sanctuary from the evil of the world.

Last night, God gave me a dream, where I was back on the farm. Last evening, my daughter, A Homesteading Neophyte, shows up and wants to talk about all of us moving to the farm and homesteading it. Her and her husband are concerned about a depression and the prophesies of the Bible. This morning, while I am praying about what to post, God tells me to turn on the T.V. and when I did, there was another report about food rationing in the United States and in the world. Am I seeing God's hand at work in my life, telling me to go back to the farm.

I am pragmatic in my thinking. I try to be practical and consider and weigh all options. Should I wait to make sure that this is what God is saying or should I just jump in and go for what I think that God is leading me toward?

Again I quote the Word:

Proverbs 22:3
A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.

I want only to follow the leading of my God. So, we pray, we seek, we follow.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Lesson Learned

"Surrender all" that's the way the song goes. "I surrender all".

Every once in a while, especially when I least expect it, God will reveal to me a weakness, sin or perhaps a control issue in my life. He rarely lets me know these things through a word or dream. It is usually in a round about way that I find fascinating.

As many of you know, my mother broke her hip about five weeks ago. She then had to be put into a nursing home and last week developed heart and kidney failure and pneumonia. She continues to be very ill and my brother, Only in His Service, and I are there most of the time. Especially, my brother.

She is not eating very well. Hardly at all. So, my brother and I have taken it upon ourselves to be there every meal and try to get her to eat. While there I pray and ask God questions. He has been very slow to answer my questions.

I will look at my mother and wonder why she is holding on so long. I have seen, over the years, people give up on life or make a decision that they can let go and then they pass on. So, I wonder and have asked God, why she has such a will, in her horribly frail condition, to live. I know that she longs to see God and to be with my earthly father. But, she lingers.

Then you ask yourself, "Is there a purpose for her lingering?" "What could that be?"
This morning, as I sat here praying about what to post, my thoughts went to my mother and her condition. As, I thought God revealed much to me about my mother and myself.

I know that I do not want to die and the reason may seem strange. I do not want to miss anything. I want to see what is going to happen next on this earth. Now , this is not to say that I will not see what happens next if I do die, I really don't know the answer to that. Maybe, I just never thought much about it. But, the reality is, my thinking is a bit skewed on this matter.

There by, goes my mother as well. This morning God revealed that my mother is just like me. She may miss something and does not want to let go. How controlling is that???

You think you have surrendered all. Given everything to God and WHAM He shows you the truth. My need to know and see what will happen next is keeping me from truly surrendering to God.
I thank God that He continues to show me those unknown sins in my life and that He has used my mothers condition to show me this sin. Perhaps, this is the reason she lingers. With her Alzheimer's, she is not in the mind set to be thinking "I'm going to hang around to see what happens next". But, I think of how she has probably been, like myself, in this mind set all of her life. This is probably one of those self fulling curses that we can put on ourselves.

I can not say to her "when you see God, go to Him" like I did for the man in my post "Spirit of Man". Her mind will not conceive of the idea. I can not pray that God will take her, because I am not sure of God's will in this matter. I do soooo pray that she not suffer. But, I watch as she does. I do understand that nothing happens by circumstance and that the reason is there for the understanding. I, perhaps, have learned the reason and have come to that understanding.

I have got to surrender all. Give up on the notion that I need to see what is going to happen next and stop the control issue. My mother has taught me one more lesson. For that I am eternally grateful.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Time is Nigh

These last five days I have posted prophetic warnings from Gods prophets. These warnings are just a small portion of the warnings that are being given in the land. There is no doubt in my mind that we have entered into the last days and the black horse has been released

Revelation 6:5-6 (New Century Version)

When the Lamb opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, "Come!" I looked, and there before me was a black horse, and its rider held a pair of scales in his hand. Then I heard something that sounded like a voice coming from the middle of the four living creatures. The voice said, "A quart of wheat for a day's pay, and three quarts of barley for a day's pay, and do not damage the olive oil and wine!"

Then the forth seal is opened.pale

When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, "Come!" I looked, and there before me was a pale horse. Its rider was named death, and Hades[a] was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill people by war, by starvation, by disease, and by the wild animals of the earth.

It is not a matter of time, the time is now. You can feel it in the air. Even the secular world is feeling it and knows that something is wrong. They have heard the warnings from the Christians and now are seeing God's hand working. There is fear in the world.
The first rationing of food has begun here in the United States. In Canada you can not preach certain parts of the Word of God because it is considered hate speech. That will soon be here, especially if Mr. Obama gets elected to the presidency. After all, in his mind, we Christians are weak minded folks who only turn to God in our bitterness. His agenda, is not righteous.

There is no stopping this season. But, there is multiple things you, my dear reader, can do.

Proverbs 22:3
A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.

Seek the Lord on how you should prepare. The number one things is to be right with your God. There is great persecution to come for your belief and you need the strength of the Lord to get through. The next, is to follow His lead in what He would have you do. Not all will prepare in the same way. Some will store food, some build shelters, some both etc. It is the Lord that will decide.

As for my secular friends. The Lord says to you:

Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I was an atheist when the Lord caught me. I did not understand what truth nor love was till that day He took hold of me. I met the Creator of the Universe on that glorious day and my life was turned upside down. Life did not get easier, it became constant. Because,

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Hard times lie ahead. For you who know God, go deeper into His arms and hold on to His promises. For you who do not know Him, He waits for you. Just look for Him and you will find Him. Than longing in your heart, that ache in your soul, that hunger in your life is God. He is calling you by name into His love.

Monday, April 21, 2008

The Last Prophetic Warning

This being the last of the prophesies, I wanted to tell you, my dear readers, how these came to my attention. There is a young woman in my church that is having these same kinds of dreams. She has been having them for about a year. The dreams show devastation to the United State. In the dreams she is shown that Wichita, Kansas will be a safe place for people to hide, especially Christians. She has been shown safe houses and stock piles of food. But, the devastation of the United States is terrific and heart rendering.

I believe that God is taking His hand off of the United States. That in His anger, He has warned us and we have not taken heed of these warnings. Our tolerance to sin and disrespect to His commandments are our downfall.

Proverbs 17:11
Disobedient people look only for trouble, so a cruel messenger will be sent against them.


Angelic Warning In Dream! March 19, 2008

I had a very profound, disturbing dream recently. I feel like God wants me to release it, and ask if anyone has had a similar experience, or any 'wisdom', please contact me. I do not pretend to understand this fully.

In my dream, I was busy doing something, and suddenly I heard a male voice speaking to me. He was pleading for a moment of my time. He said : Mam, I need to tell you something important!

So I sat down facing this young man. He was in his early teens, and he appeared to be of African heritage, though he was somewhat black, he looked as if he could be part white. He had tears running down his face.

He began to speak to me. I could tell by his demeanor and tone of his voice, he was desperate and very very serious.I could not understand most of what he said, I strained my ears to determine whether he had a thick accent or if he was speaking an entirely unknown language. However, in the midst of this unknown language, one phrase was clear.

"A judgment is coming against America. Please tell the church to PRAY!" That was it. I woke up, so wishing I could finish it.

I do not know if this young man was an intercessor somewhere in Africa, who God allowed to appear to me in my dream, )like the man from Macedonia appeared to Paul in a dream), or if this 'man' was an angelic messenger.. (as in Genesis 18 where three 'men' appeared to Abraham) But I woke up with an extreme urgency in my spirit to be obedient, first to PRAY and then to release this word to the body of Christ, so we can pray!

Lillis Boyer

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Fourth Prophesy

March 3, 2008

By this time the pictures were changing faster and faster. I saw a man standing at home with his 'toys'. He was buying all the grown up toys he wanted, what he saw he wanted, and what he wanted he bought. He felt no guilt in indulging himself, rather he felt he was blessed by God to be able to buy these things, that somehow God wanted him to have these things.

By this time was I very nervous, because the pictures were changing fast and I could feel foreboding in the air like the electricity one feels when around a lightening storm.

Suddenly I heard a loud sound, monstrous thunder and a roar. The ground was shaking and it was as if the world was coming to an end. The roar was deafening and as I looked up, I saw the heavens part. The clouds were being pulled back and the heavens were parting before my very eyes. Instant terror overtook me as I fell to the ground face down. I knew this was God himself who was doing this. I couldn't look up I felt such terror. All I could do was beg for forgiveness. I felt the weight of my sins and knew I was before a holy God. I wept and begged for forgiveness, personal forgiveness, and forgiveness for the church body. Then I heard mixed with the loud sounds of thunder a roaring his voice. I dared not look up, I was frozen prostrate before the Holy God and knew judgment was here. I could not look up even if I wanted to, but somehow felt if I tried, I would be instantly destroyed. I was also aware there were others laying prostrate, but I never saw them.

The first words I heard rumble through the air made me physically ill. I heard the following words: "GREED", followed by a pause, "SELFISHNESS", followed by another pause, "IDOLATRY", "LUST", "PERVERSION" and the list went on. I knew God was judging the church. At that moment I knew I didn't deserve mercy or favor.

I cried out over and over, "Jesus, have mercy on me, forgive me Lord for all my sins! Oh God, I don't deserve any mercy, I beg for forgiveness"! I could not stop repenting and asking for forgiveness. I will never forget the weight of my sins and my complete helplessness to do anything BUT beg for forgiveness.

Then I heard that voice speak again and I knew God was addressing the church. I heard, "YOU who ask for favor, YOU who ask for recompense, YOU who ask for justice, do you not know, it is YOU, YOU who judgment will fall upon first?" I was shaking so hard because I knew I have asked for favor, recompense and justice and felt the very weight of my sins.

Melinda O'Dea

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Third Prophesy


March 2, 2008

My people are you awake and alert? Are you listening for My Voice? Oh My beloved ones, I truly desire for you to be always alert and listening. Do you know how late the hour is? Are you spending time with Me and studying My Word? I ask these questions to shake you up, and to make you think! Are you a tare and the son of the evil one, or are you Mine and a Blessed One? Remember that the tares and all the stumbling blocks, and all who are lawless will be taken out first and burned! (Matthew 13)

Too many of My own people are satisfied and complacent with their lives and their relationship with Me. Have I not told you that a complacent Christian is a sterile Christian. I would have you be one who is producing abundant fruit. Oh My children, I beseech you to never be so sterile and complacent that your fruit production simply dries up. You need to be the perfect soil showered with the rain of righteousness and fed by the meat of my Word. Always remember that I AM THE TRUE VINE and My Father is the VINE DRESSER! Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit HE TAKES AWAY, and every branch that bears fruit, HE PRUNES, so that it bears more fruit. (John 15)

My love for you is great, and far beyond your comprehension, and so is my patience. But, you must remember that My Word tells you that, "My spirit will not always strive with you forever". Do you understand the times in which you live? Do not be like the hypocrite and be able to read the signs of the weather but not the signs of the times, for I have warned you of them over and over! If you deliberately turn away from the signs of the times, THEN YOU ARE TURNING AWAY FROM ME, FOR YOU ARE SATISFIED WITH YOUR LIFE AND THE WORLD THE WAY IT IS! Ask yourselves how you can be satisfied with a world gone mad with sin and corruption! The constant abominations committed daily, especially in your nation, are a stench in My nostrils and will not be endured by Me much longer! The killing of the innocent, the horrible pornography, the constant lies and deceit by those in power, and the love of war by your nation, has indeed brought you to the utter brink of destruction! I say to you, BE PREPARED! Incredible destruction and utter chaos are just around the corner! So stay very close to Me and keep your eyes on Me now, IT IS IMPERATIVE!

Recieved by Katie Jordan

Friday, April 18, 2008

Second Prophesy

Many of you prayed and had concerns when I was dealing with my mothers broken hip and admission to the nursing home. Wanted you to know, that last night she was again put into the hospital with pneumonia and an enlarged heart. If you think of her, would you pray for her.

Here is the second prophesy.

Feb 21, 2008


I said Lord I am going to bed, I had my computer on and I went over to turn it off and the Lord said no, I want to speak to you, I want you to write. So I took my Bible, and I had it open to one of the Old Testament prophets books. I fell back down on my face and wept more. Needless to say I woke up quickly, the Lord God had my attention.

The Lord said remember my son, I have given my Angel charge over you, For what I am about to tell you, the time has now come, it is the appointed time. I looked at the clock at that moment it was 12:21 A.M. and the room got very bright and I looked and saw a man in white linen holding a sword. As I looked behind him, I could see a large body of water. Just then the angel of the Lord pointed with His hand, and there appeared before me the United States of America. I saw four huge Angels one standing on the West Coast, East Coast, the Great Lakes and the Gulf Coast, They had these huge swords in their hands, they held them out to each other touching the tips of all four swords together. Then they pulled back and held up their swords in the air, just then I heard the voice of the Lord say,

son of man prophesy against the holy places and to the land of America. The Lord God said tell America I am against her, at that moment I saw the righteous and the wicked running, all over America.. I said Lord why are they running? " He said for they are running to hide from my Judgment," Just then I looked again and I saw the man in white linen, raise up his sword with two hands I saw His waist, there was a gold band around Him. He swung His sword in a 360 degree wave. Then He flew up in the Air and there where lightning bolts that came out from His face. I looked again at his face, it looked like lightning, then He stuck His sword down into the middle of the White House, and it just blew apart, like it was no longer needed, the president was struck. I saw another 911 rise up that was seven times greater, and military troops were blocking all roads,

At that moment the Angel on the West Coast turned to face the Pacific Ocean, I saw four demon spirits rise up, the angel of the Lord commanded, you must let go of the sea, the demons yell out two times no, no. Just then the Holy Angel of God Almighty, took His sword and struck the Pacific Ocean. Then the sea rose up hundreds of feet in the air, the demons screamed out and the Angel of the Lord struck them and they disappeared. The sea was rapidly coming towards the west coast and went towards many other countries.

Matthew Stephen

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Warnings from God's Prophets

For the next five days, including the weekend, I am going to post prophetic end time words that I have found about the end of days. These words are very strong and I am hoping that you, my dear reader, take heed to them.

The first one got my attention because part of it has similar words that the Lord gave me. I have wrote them before, but will repeat them here.

I was sitting in a room with several prophets. There was a lot of chatter going on. I heard one woman say, "Well you know, what Satan meant for harm, God will turn to good." I suddenly heard God say, "Stop saying that. You have turned My words into a cliche. In your finite minds you look at something and see ugly and then define it as evil. How dare you. How do you know that what you define as ugly or evil is not My hand at work." This taught me to reassess everything I see and hear. Now, if I see something that I may define as ugly or evil I ask God,"What are you doing here?"

So, with that in mind, here is the prophetic word for today. This word has been condensed.

ask God 2

First Prophecy, February 1, 2008

My Blessed Child, I am your Father Yahweh, yea Jehovah, Most High God. Listen to Me little one and write as I say that all may be the wiser! Rise up and hear what I say! Open your eyes to see! Burst open your ears to hear! For do you not see that the whole world now stands on a precipe, that the whole world now overlooks a great abyss! Who can stay My hand of judgement? Who can turn back My hand of timing? Who can know what I will do, or when I will do a thing? None I say! None can stay My Hand, and None can know My ways!

For surely many say, that is not of the Lord! He did not do such a horrible thing to His people! He has not brought such judgement! But I tell you now, that these speak in ignorance ! They speak foolishness! They speak the desires of their own heart! For I create, and I destroy! For I am both a God of Great love, and an all consuming fire!

Oh yes, I am an all consuming fire! And this part most wish to leave out ! They want to believe that I am love, but My love burns hot! My love cannot look upon evil and be pleased with it! Oh yes, I strive with the sinners! I have striven with you all since the beginning! And all of you, sinners! For I am full of love, mercy and grace, toward all! But even so, I am also an all consuming fire! And when I warn, and warn, and warn, through the mouths of My prophets, and you despise My warnings, mock My prophets, and even throw them out of your midst; oh then, after so much of this, I will turn against the mockers, I will turn against the scorners, and I will set My eye toward you for total destruction! I will utterly destroy the wicked! I will destroy the mockers! I will destroy the rebellious, and My word is replete with such instances of My judgement! But, I do not destroy without warning! And oh how I have warned you, you My people, all over the world! Oh yes, I have warned you! But few, and I mean few, have listened!

In that I delay a little longer the Coming of My Son, I do so to allow you to prepare for the harsh times, which are ahead! To all who are able to do so, get out of the cities! Get survival oriented! Consider the times of massive starvation, massive power failures and wars! Put away food for three and one half years! Put away seeds so that you can garden! Put away supplies, for you will find that the store shelves quickly empty out when this devastation hits! I tell you now, massive devastation! Prepare for hard times!

Linda Newkirk

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


Sunday, during church, I had a vision. Now, usually, when I have a vision in church,I tell pastor. This vision came in plenty of time to tell him before he got to the pulpit, but I got the impression I was not to tell him. So, I wrote it down and continued to worship.

Worship was moving and the sermon outstanding. But, in the midst of the sermon, pastor said, "by the way, someone has a word for the church. I'll ask for that word at the end of the sermon." My thought was, there is probably a lot of people with words, mine will wait.

So, when he asked, "who has the word?" I sat amongst a couple of hundred people and watched as no one stood or raised their hand. Those are the times when your brain starts moving really fast. Should I get up? Am I the one? Come on people raise your hand. But, no one. So, in my reluctance, I did not stand up, I slid my hand up.

"Yes, give your word." Came from our pastor. So, there I go. Knowing that, I only do this out of obedience, I really do not want to stand up and stand out. My long body took a very long time to extend to its full length and then the microphone was stuck in my face. My voice shook, because of the "I don't want to" thing in my head and my mind hunted for the words.
"God took me into a vision while we worshiped. He showed me a meadow. It was beautiful. So very green and the sun shone brightly. There were people on one side dancing and so very happy. On the other side the people were happy. Then I saw a scar dividing the two groups. I asked God, what kind of scar is this. He said, "it is the scars that people carry. Pain, shame, bitterness, sorrow." I asked, How do the people get past the scar. He said,"If my people will humble themselves and allow Jesus to administer His healing balm, then the balm of Gilead will heal their scars and they will come into the fullness of my glory.""

I wanted to say, "the end." But, was at a loss as to how to finish. It felt like I was dangling. The church was staring at me and pastor was in prayer. Someone close to me gasped and some cried. The microphone was retrieved and I sat down as pastor did an altar call.

When I sat down, pain entered my body. The pain was horrible. My husband was holding my hand and I just wanted to scream. It was in my lower back and just would not quit. I was trying to get through the moment as my husbands prayers finally reached my body. What was that? This is new. Am I, now, going to get hit with pain every time I give a word. No, it was the pain of the people that I felt. I was allowed to feel all the emotional pain that the church is carrying. That pain immobilized me. I could not cry out to God. I could not function. I was just trying to get through the moment.
Are you immobilized with emotional pain? In my counseling, I have seen many people, whom in their emotional trauma, have put human characteristics on God. They see God as having the same ways of their predators. Those who have caused them untold pain. Whenever, we define God in such limited ways, of course we can not see Him as a healer. We have done nothing more than to pull Him down to our level and then take away His power.

In order to overcome our scars of the past and to come into the joy of God, we must believe that God can and will heal. Become mobile. To come into His fullness, we must humble ourselves and see Him for whom He is. The creator of the universe. Now, words are cheap and I can talk about it all I want. But, for you to understand the fullness of what I say, you, must redefine God and set Him apart from man.

To understand who God really is, is to fall on our face and truly seek Him. To read His words and ask for wisdom. To allow Him to reveal Himself and His greatness. We, alone, in our limited capabilities, can not understand His might. Search yourself. Find those things that lie deep within the recesses of your mind that keep you from His glory and allow God, in His love, to heal you. He wants nothing more than you.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


My heart has been heavy with the sense of dread. I have spent time in prayer and I, actually, asked for prayer last night in a group. I rarely ask for prayer in these kinds of situations. In this group last was, also, attended by my prophetic team. The prayers there moved me.

Dread, I suppose, could be defined as a sense of doom. That would be a good description of my feelings. All this because, my pastor as given blessing to the prophetic team. His blessing sent a ripple of feelings through me that lingered and sent me to my prayer closet.

I have, over the years, started many programs at the church. All with a sense of joy and new beginnings. These programs bloomed and were a joy to start. But, with time, I became the target of rumors, lies and face to face accusations. I learned how to let these things roll off of me and to realize these words were about them not me. But, I grew tired of them and I find myself, now, not wanting to go there again.
This is a conversation, in part, that I had with my pastor this weekend. Pastor: "You have very special gifts and this(the team) is going to get big.". Given55: "I don't really want to do this. It is God's vision for me not my vision." Pastor: "I don't believe that to be true. I believe you do want this and you should embrace this with joy." Given55: "I see your point. I do spiritually want what God wants. But, my flesh does not want this."

So, my flesh has been crawling with dread. Foreseeing, maybe wrongly, the negative assault of the people.

Then there is the responsibility. I am now, not only responsible for what comes out of my mouth, but responsible for what comes out of the mouths of my team. This may sound horrible but, healing ministry is easy in comparison. In healing one can always say, "well if your not healed, it is probably your lack of faith," or "You must have sin in your life." I have never done that, but have heard others say these things. It seems they have a built in escape route. The prophetic has a grave responsibility with it.

So, there you have it. "I DON"T WANT TO"' was were I have been for a few days. As I looked to God on this issue, He brought me several things. One came from a blog I like to read. "Random Reflections" Her post was about sickness, but it moved me with and I needed to hear again,

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans that I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope".godp

I grabbed onto that verse yesterday and held tight. I, also, remembered long ago, when Mark Bubeck ministered to me and told me I need to memorize Psalms 91.

1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler[a]
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
8 Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
12 In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”


God uses the strangest people to get His work done. For myself, I am not much of a people person and yet He has surrounded me with people. I'd prefer to stay home and be alone, but this is not what He has for me and I will go forward. As for the joy. I am not quite there yet, I have, however, lost the sense of dread. My safety and covering is in the Lord. I will walk in the steps that He has laid before me and know that He is my comforter and my God.

Monday, April 14, 2008


Because of my inner struggle today, I am reposting. My struggle, I hope, will find resolution today and I will share tomorrow. As for today... I pray.

I've been thinking:

I have been a child,a teen, a criminal, and pacifist, a hippie,
cindy and paul
a biker,
a model,
a dope addict, and a drunk.
I've been healthy and I've been sick.cindy- bike rally
cindy, dwayne and kent

But, now I am:
A lover of all, cindy and dwayne
Walking in purpose, cindy & eddie
redeemed by His love. Forgiven, lead, strong, true and who I am suppose to finally be.  

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Set free of the me that was confused, lost and on shaky ground.
Redeemed, that is who I am today.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Happy!! Happy!! Happy!!!

When you say "Happy" three times fast, it begins to sound like a very weird word. But, I'm so HAPPY!!!

God has done so much this week and last that I am beside myself with joy.

My small group, again, last night followed the leading of the Holy Spirit and instead of watching the DVD that the church has provided, we ended up praying for each other, prophesying, and worshiping the Lord. Then when time came, we went into prayer for Dadcat. Our spirits reaching out to his, in a realm where time and space mean nothing. I got a comment from him earlier in the day the read:

"I am overwhelmed by the love and presence of The Lord through all of your prayers.
My sincere thanks to all of you reading this who have been praying for my healing.
I have confidence that The Lord hears our prayers and will answer, and I will have many more years to serve Him before He returns.
The Oncologist's office called yesterday to inform me that my blood tested normal so I don't need another transfusion right now.
The Lord may be already working His miracle."

Is not our God an awesome God?
Not only are we seeing God's healing hand at work with Dadcat, but also with myself. Praise God!! I got the results of my blood work yesterday. No, Lupus. God's healing from five years ago continues. What is happening with me is an incredibly low deficiency of vitamin D. It is causing all the symptoms that look like Lupus. What a hoot!!! I repent for following for that one and praise God for His healing and mercy.

I'm so Happy!!! My joy overflows. Miracles abound!!!


That's my new angora goat. Is that cute or what? She maybe pregnant. I'm excited. What to name her? Any ideas? I'm thinking!!!

Thursday, April 10, 2008


I have prayed for you before, on this very spot. For a while, we thought that, that prayer had been answered. But, we forgot, "you can't always get what you want".
Now, I pray again. This time with a heavier heart and with more urgency.

When I woke this morning, you were the first thing put on my mind and I prayed. My prayer seemed short and simply knowing the issue at hand. So, I prayed again and realized that even if it seemed short and simply it was heard and that my prayers, all day, would be focused on you.

When I sat down to post today, you, of course, where on my mind and again in my prayer. I sit here and wonder at the lesson to be learned in all of this, because there is always a lesson. I wonder at why, you my friend, have been put so heavily on my heart. A man I have not met and know so little about. paying I think of all the people that will, today, stop in their busy day and pray for you and I am brought, to a place, where I am forced to look into the face of the Master and see the love of God.

His love for you, my friend, is indescribable. It has brought His children, in many places, to their knees today. I felt, that love, yesterday as I drove to a meeting. God brought you to my mind and He showed me His love for you and I wept as I drove overwhelmed by the power. One of my favorite verses came to my mind, "Jesus wept".wept

His love flows through us, here in this place and we, your friends, weep for your healing. We travail and command the universe to come into order and heal you, a child of the Living God. His love for you moves us to seek the supernatural and to expect the healing power, of the God, whom loves without measure, to reach you.
We are His children. A mighty army. A peculiar people with our faces set like flint. Who know and seek the promises of the Lord. We are a tribe that, today, lift you my friend, up to the arms of God.