Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Passing Over

I don't know what to write. I really don't. I wait on God to tell me what I should write and I hear nothing. I can only reflect.
The last 12 days have been long and a blur. I have seen God move in so many ways that I can only sit in awe of the beauty of His glory. I have had ordained appointments, seen into the spirit realm and cried till my eyes became raw.

I waited for the spirit of death and he arrived last night at 10 till 7. My mother is gone. Gone from us, but now with the Father. She cried at that moment of death and I rose up from my sit, bent over her and spoke truth to her. She heard me, my brother kissed her and she left. Oh, how we wept.

Throughout the day people had come and gone in her room. So, many prayed and so many songs were sang over her. The song, still resonate in my heart. My friends came and loved on my mother as if she were their own. They are, my friends, beautiful people of God. Giving of themselves in that hour and showing the love of God. To them I say "Thank you".

I prayed, all day, that God would let me see her go. I expected, if I saw, it to be like it was in the post "Spirit of Man". But, as the day went on, I just began to ask for God's will and left my need behind. Turns out, a friend had been praying that God would give me a supernatural experience with my mother and he did.
At some point in the day, I had the thought that my mother's spirit was going to go right through me. After the thought, I pondered and told myself that was weird.
Feeling it was my own strange thinking, I let it go. But, in that last moment, I knew before she took her last breath that it was done. I sat back and I saw a blur quickly rise up out of her and fly right through me. I felt a weight come off of me. It gave me the feeling that I had lost a hundred pounds and was, for a second weightless. She did as I had thought and flew right through me.

It has only been eleven hours now, but there has been much speculation on why this happen by a handful of people. One, was that she took with her the burden that I have been carry for the last five years of taking care of her. I don't know. Maybe, it was just God's way of answering my prayer of seeing her go. No matter what the reason, it was a beautiful moment and I thank the Most High for giving it to me.
grandma nancy
They told us that we could take as much time with her as we wanted after she was gone. But, we began to pack up and leave. She was no longer there and we saw no point. Her body is now in the hands of the embalmer, which is a notion that I can not stand. I detest embalming and think that we should, like the Jews, go to the ground quickly and not mutilate the body. But, she wanted to allow time for her out of state family to come to see her. So, I cringe and just take it.
virginia, corene, agnes, katherine
There are certain things that we need and want in this life and one that strikes us to the very core is the need for our mothers. Good or bad we are connected to her in so many ways. That earthly connection, for myself, has been broken. I will, however, see her again. I have that great hope in my life. I have assurance of where she is now and her future. My mother has not stopped she has become more. More lovely, more vigorous, more joyful, more enlightened, more gracious, more elegant, more beautiful. She is now set free and I know, with out a doubt, that she is happy.


Phelan said...

love you

Donna said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

Jan said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

Nancy is now in the most beautiful place imagined. I attended her 85th birthday party and she was so joyful and happy that day. In the events of her birthday passing she would continue to celebrate her birthday when there were alot of people around thinking it was a celebration. Now I see her celebrating a birthday that will never end. Walking in the garden of our living God in his sweet aroma and preparing for all that will join her someday for another celebration. Belinda

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you....again!
Sending love to the family.

Aunt D.

alrescate said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I will keep you in my thoughts.

jules said...

What a beautiful woman, your mother. You do not grieve alone. Many thoughts are with you, including mine. God bless you and give you peace.

lisa said...

Beautiful post, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Channelofhealing said...

Given55, may the Good Lord bless you and give the Grace to bear the loss.

God is with you don't be afraid even as we thank Him for giving her a blessed long Life here on earth.

God is good all the time.
you are our thoughts and prayers

FishHawk said...

I am very sorry for your loss; but at least you can take comfort in the fact that your mother's trials and tribulations in this world are now over.

Sunny said...

this was a beautifully written story, though I am sorry you lost her for now, you know that you will meet again~
thanks as well for your comment on my blog~ I do feel it's a miracle that I'm feeling so great now~

lance said...

I loss my father and know how you feel. They are at rest with our Lord now.
God bless,

Given55 said...

Thank you everyone for your support and prayer. It has warmed my heart and given me strength.