Lost

Last night, the team met to do some ministry over a young woman. I knew the woman because I have counseled with her many times in the past. So, I stood back to allow the others to minister.

I told the team that if they had a harsh word to go ahead and say it. Usually, if there is a harsh word, I ask them to run it by me first. So, the first thing I heard was "defiant".

Perfect word to describe her. She is very angry with God and because of that, over the last few years, she has turned from God and went into drugs.

Then, one spoke of a vision she had while sitting in front of her. The vision was of her running, like from someone, through a woods that was barren. She ran has though she were running for her life.

Absolutely true. She has no fruit in her life. No substance, nor grounding. Emotionally, she runs.

My impression at this point was that the team did not quit know what to do with these words and visions. So, now and then I would ask a question or interpret to keep things rolling.

One on the team, could feel her fear, loneliness, needs and sorrow. Which brought this team member to tears. But, after a while, this team member, could also feel her rebellion and instead of tears, I saw a bit of righteous anger appear. This team member became very blunt and cut right to the truth. Nothing was sugar coated. The response, from the woman, was to defend herself.

This brought, "be quite and listen", "don't speak". You could see the defiance rise up in her. Then tears. I intervened at this point, knowing that she was not listening. God had shown me her coffin. It was white and standing beside the coffin, was a little boy, all dressed up. It was her child and her coffin.

So, I sat down in front of her and shared this with her. This was death, the truth was, it was a spiritual death. But, this is not what I shared with her. I just told her the vision and allowed her to seek the truth behind the vision.

This is a woman, whom over the years, listened to what I have to say, sorts through it and takes only what she wants from it. She was doing it again last night. When I shared this with her, she laughed, knowing it to be true. Her tears only came when she was told to be quite.

She did however, hear what was said. She shared with me that she knows she listens defensively and that she interrupts to defend herself but, that she did not know how to do things different. This is a victory. She is moving through this problem. Knowledge is the first step, then application. These will be her first steps to healing.

Her story in short. She was molested and raped as a child. Got pregnant at 17, then married the boy. He committed suicide. She then fell aways from the church. Had 4 children. Gave two away for adoption. Then got into drugs. Nearly lost the other children. Relapsed this past week.

She wants to be healed, but clearly wants control of that healing. She needs to be delivered from demonic strongholds, but fights letting go and letting God do the work. She is gentle but hard. Intelligent but confused. Lost and controlled. A fighter but weak. She is representative of what the world holds. A world wanting God, but on their own terms.