Wednesday, April 2, 2008


Today, I see my Lupus doctor. I see him every tree months, but I have been having serious symptoms since I last saw him. I have probably waited to long. But, I DO NOT WANT TO SEE HIM!!! 492

My kidney's, I am sure, have been compromised. I have waited much to long. My skin feels like it is on fire when shampoo or soap hits my skin. I have waited much to long. I now, for the first time, get a rash on my face and my feet and legs swell. I have waited far to long. When my mother was in the hospital, the pain and swelling became to much and I could not walk. Certainly, I have waited to long. I have even waited to long to ask for prayer.

Last night, I had a conference call with the leaders of my church. I, finally, asked for prayer. At first, not being able to see their faces, they were stunned. There was silence on the phone. I know that some where waiting to hear from God. One took the initiative and prayed right then. But, then the ministry started. pr

"Do you not want to be healed?" "Do you not believe you will be healed." "Do you have some kind of sin in your life?" Mind you, some of these folks are people that I have discipled. I felt a bit discouraged with them, falling into that mind set. I maintained and went with the flow, but felt the wonderful prayer, that had just been prayed, was just rhetoric. I know they love me and I them, but, let's get beyond these limited questions.

One finally said, "This happened last time you went into the a new ministry." BINGO.

But, no one prayed for the schemes of the enemy to be broke. I, however, do.

One asked me to call him after the call. I did and we talked for quite a time. He is very much the prayer warrior. He wanted permission to call mutual friends at the I.H.O.P. in Kansas City for prayer. But, our conversation turned to why the body of God is sick.

He stated, that we just do not lay hands on each other enough and prayer. He feels that prayer is lacking and yet our church is a praying church. I believe that part of the reason the body of Christ is sick is because in our prayers we do not find complete abandonment in the Lord. God help our disbelief.
His heart was so broke and mine so sad. He confessed that he was now ill himself and like me, was putting off going to see the doctor. Illness, for both of us, seemed to be one of those mysteries that the spiritual answer to alludes us. Both of us are confident in who we are in God, but lost in the answers to sickness. We know all of the stock answers. But, both know that there is more that God has not revealed.

God is good and faithful and I know that through this he will reveal more to me and my friend. Mean time, we wait and pray. Finding solace in the Almighty Creator and comfort in His promises.


Kathryn said...

I'm so sad that you've been sick, but I'm so encouraged to find another lover of Jesus who has also struggled with the issue of sickness. I know it's stragetic warfare against God's people, but sometimes it's tough to battle for yourself regarding health. I'll fight to maintain the gifts of righteousness, peace and joy, but sometimes it feels like health is God's territory so I wait as patiently as I can thinking He'll heal me when it's time. My mind is beginning to change regarding this. He purchased our healing with His stripes, just like He purchased our peace. God teach us to walk in Kingdom violence regarding Your promises!

Given55 said...


I'm so glad to meet you. We walk in victory. We are not survivors, we are victors.

You are certainly one of the victorious!