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Saturday, April 26, 2008

Venting


The weekend is here and I do not usually post. But, I am still sitting in this hospital room and wanting to let out my feelings. So, my blog gets the brunt of my emotional whirl wind.

My mother no longer speaks, eats nor drinks. She just is. It is very difficult for me to not be able to fix this. When your child has a cold, broken arm, stubbed toe, you fix it. Never knew how intense this urge was, to fix, was in me. I feel helpless, but praise God, nor hopeless.

I slept last night, for the first time in days. But, I would wake up in the hospital bed and listen to hear her breathe. She continues on but, without pain and for that I am so very grateful.

Every once in a while, I freak out. It is as if I suddenly explode with emotion. What I'd really like to do is to scream at the top of my lungs for about 5 minutes. That would relieve a lot, but instead I let in out a bit at a time. So, bits of explosion come out of me now and then and I weep.

There is no room for us in the hospice. Is that a weird thing. They are full and have a waiting list. So, the hospital that we are in has made her room into a temporary hospice. It has all been surreal.

I keep turning to God for my comfort. He stands by me and my family. I see Him in the faces of those who care for my mother and those who come to encourage and support the family through this time. I am, so very grateful to everyone. God is here and I am blessed because of it.

5 comments:

Sicarii said...

I'm sorry to read this so late, sister. Please know that my prayers are with you and your family. Take good care of yourself.

The Lord bless and keep you.

Shalom.

Desert Cat said...

Continuing in prayer...

May her passing be peaceful and the Lord comfort you with the awareness of her final destiny.

Given55 said...

Thank you both. We were just told that she would leave us in 24 to 36 hours. Our hearts are breaking.

Anonymous said...

Dear Given....DEAR, DEAR GIVEN....how my heart breaks for you tonight. My prayer is that God will send you the peace that He sent me nine years ago. One day maybe I'll tell you about it, just beleive me when I say it's sufficient. I know this sounds odd, but start smiling because there's gold at the end of the rainbow.

I'm sending you strength.

Aunt D.

sam said...

hi dont worry pray to god he will help you.
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sam
Christian Drug Rehab