This past weekend I went on a retreat. I have gotten so, when I go on a retreat, I go with a purpose other than stated for the retreat. I usually go with a question for God. I expect Him to answer and He always does.
This weekend my question was..."What will it be like in the world in the next few months".
Now, since God's timing is not our timing, I am hoping and praying that His answer is not in the next few months. His answer caused me great fear and trembling.
I had gone out the night we arrived, with a group of people, to a place at the retreat where a cross stands on top of a hill overlooking a valley and river. It was late at night and the stars we shining. The darkness of the place let one see the multitude of stars and many spoke of God's creation.
In the morning, I went back out to the cross at six in the morning. Alone, I spoke to God. We sat together for a while and He did not speak to me. I concentrated on my breathing while I listened for an answer to my question. None came.
I looked to the sky and to my amazement there was only one star in the sky. While I looked at the star God spoke and said "lone". I was dumb founded. Is this the answer to my question? "Very strange" I thought.
For most of the day, I looked for a dictionary. I have found that many times when God speaks the answer is in the definition. No one had a dictionary...so I continued with my day.
There where classes that I attended. Very basis classes om Christian life, but I felt I needed to get back to the simplicity of God. In one class, I opened my Bil be to Joel. I thought, I do not really want to read Joel, so I turned to James. Next, thing I know, I am back at Joel. So, I began to read. While I was reading the Lord told me that this, the content of the book is the United States now. I grew uncomfortable. I asked, "Who is the nation that has invaded us." He told me "gluttony" and "materialism". I read the book and thought about His return.
At about 1:00 we watched at video on Christ's crucifixion and then walked outside to the cross. There the description of the bodies response to crucifixion was read. In that reading the words that Christ spoke on the cross were read. I was in and out of listening not really wanting to hear about my God's death, but I tuned in at the words of Christ.
When the reader got to "My Father, why have you forsaken me", it felt as if the oxygen had been sucked out of my body. My response was silent, but I wanted to wail. I could feel the pain of the Holy Spirit. I wanted to breath and I wanted to scream. Then I heard the answer to my question.
"This is how it will be." Just has the Lord felt the loss of God, at that moment...we will feel the loss.
When we went back to class, I could not speak, I just cried. The Spirit of the Lord was wailing inside of me for the lost children of God. I could feel the shortness of time and the pain that God feels.
I have recovered physically, but emotionally still grieve as does the Spirit. It is Monday and the pain still so clear. I sat with people Sunday and listened to there talk of weight loss, shopping and other insignificant things and could hardly contain myself. I felt like I had a message that needed to be spoke but, knew that not all could handle the message. So, I shared with a few. Some understood with great trembling, others wanted to argue. I have no need to argue and rest in the Word's of my God.
What is important? What is significant? My relationship with the God of this universe. When I listened to all those around me, I questioned and spoke to God. Feeling the urgency of what He was saying I felt a loss for even those Christians that pay no attention to God's words. He assured me, that He was in charge and He would show me whom to speak to of these things.
So, dear reader, you are one of those to speak to. I have given you the words from the Lord and with that I can rest. I have no need to argue or try to prove what God said...It is so...it is amen and amen.