I seem to collect dogs, even though I do not have one. Even though I live in the middle of a city, my backyard is a small woods leading to a park. People dump their dogs in the woods and for some reason they, the dogs, park themselves on my porch. Not my neighbors porches, just mine.
This week we had the ugliest dog I have ever seen arrive. She was a pit mix, but, was a sweet dog. Very kind and became very loyal to my porch. Not wanting to let anyone visit me. I liked her, but could not keep her, so she is at the Humane Society now. I can only pray that she will be adopted.
That aside, I have wanted a dog for quit a while now. My husband does not want to have a dog and so I submit to his will and just continue to want. In my scheming ways, I thought I had come up with a way to break my husbands will.
Now, Buckets is not a small dog. She is some kind of bull terrier with mastiff in her. Weight...oh, probably 100. She is black and beautiful. So friendly, obedient and loyal. So, while my husband was at work, I went and got her.
Ever notice how our sin starts out in the dark. No one seems to notice including ourselves. We see it as a nonevent. Something good. "It won't hurt anyone." We rationalize the dark and try to bring it into the light.
I bought some food for Buckets and a leash. We came home and I took her for a walk. Buckets likes water. So, when I walked towards the river, she decided to walk me into the water. I dug my heels into the dirt and said "NO". She pulled, I pulled. I sat on the ground and yelled "sit". Down she went. So, there we sat.
"Let's go this way." I said. She relinquished, but pulled me along. I guided her, the best I could, to a pool of water in the park. In she went. Not willing to let go of the leash, I am not bend over the water laughing at the situation, praying please don't let me go in.
Our sins pull us every which direction. The sin may pull us into what we consider a wrong direction and we in our naivety think that we have control when we say "no" to that direction, but then we allow the direction to go in a way that does not feel quit as bad. We rationalize that this is not so bad and sit down with our sin.
My hands were red from Buckets pulling so hard. At the pond, while swimming in a limited space, she picks up a log, not a stick, a log. She swims to me and presents me with her gift. Grateful and happy to have such a great dog, I am full of joy. What a great dog.
Sins always bring pleasure. Feel goods that continue to tell us "it is ok". No harm, no foul.
We head home. Cars pass us and head turns. Buckets draws attention. Her stature and beauty is noticed by everyone, but no one approaches us, she is a good dog. She take me right home. She already knows where she lives, such a smart dog. We go into the house. I keep her on the leash, not wanting my cat to be attacked.
We tend to think that we have control of our sin. As our sin starts to get control of us though, we tend to make it ours and not let it begin to infect others. Because, as that thing grows in us, we start to have to acknowledge that it is in fact sin. So, we try to keep a tight reign on it and try to give ourselves some sense of control. But, we are actually out of control.
Dog meets cat. Barking ensues and cat runs for his life. "No". Dog sits down. Cat is hiding. I think, what a good dog.
Dog meets cat. Barking ensues and cat runs for his life. "No." Dog sits down. Cat is hiding. I think, what a good dog.
Our sin begins to wear us out. But, we continue to believe that we will be ok. It is what I want. No harm. I can do this. It will not be a problem.
Another walk. I enjoyed her so much the first walk, with my red hands and watered down shoes. Why not. So, off we go. I avoided the river and we headed straight for the pool. Oh, no. DUCKS... Never letting go of the leash, off we went. Ducks take off. We take off. I stop of the edge of the water, while Buckets go for a dive. Out of breath I think "that was a close one." But, I still have control here and we are doing well. Not a problem.
Eventually, in our sin, we do finally, completely lose control. We begin to crash and loose site of what is truly important. We begin to loose site of what it is that God wants and in our sin we loose the desire to please God. We becomes so selfish we only covet our sin.
Buckets takes me home. I am tired. My husband is now home. "That's one big dog", is his only response. He knows my plan. I am trying to break him down to my way of thinking. Why can't he just think like me. Why does he have to be so stubborn and just let me have my way.
So, we argue with God about our sin. Why is this so important to you. It is just a small thing. Come on, it will not hurt anyone.
Buckets spent the night with us. She stayed in a room in the basement and barked all night. She would not relent. She wanted to be with me. So loyal to the hand that feeds her. My cat slept with us, fearful that that monster downstairs may escape and eat him. What chaos I created with my scheme. So, I gave up. Buckets is just to much for me. My body is sore and I am tired. She wore me out. She is now on my daughters farm, running free and bringing balls to my grandchildren over and over again. They can keep up with her. She is happy and I am resting.
When we finally face our sin and place them in the hands of God, there is rest. When we quit letting the sin drag us around and dictate to us, we find peace. When we realized that we have no control over this beast of burden then we have freedom and walk the path to love.
Buckets and I will visit each other. Not at my house, but at hers. She is a good dog, just not my dog. My husband was patient with the whole situation and waited for me to give up, which I did. Do I still want a dog? Yep, but I will set that want aside and take care of my cat. He needs me right now...he has been traumatized a bit.