Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Exposing myself

I don't like people. In my flesh I don't like people. I'm very honest about this & anyone who knows me well knows this. Actually, only five people know me well.

But, when asked to pray for someone or minister in some way the love of God takes over me.

I see this happen over and over to others as well. But, in my case it is extreme.

I belong to a group for Christian sensitives. A sensitive is someone who is well connected to the spirit realm. Some feel the pain of others, some hear others thinking, some see the demons or some have a combination of the above or like me have all the above. I mentioned, one time, my fleshly dislike for people to this group, when one of them said, she agreed, "I very much prefer being with the spirits".

We tend to isolate. Having a close relationship with God is all we need. But, God pulls us out. The phrase "of no earthly benefit" comes to mind. God made us this way for a reason, we do have purpose, so we must overcome our tendency to want to be alone.

For some the isolation is a rest. They feel so much pain from others that rest is called for. But, when we get into that time of rest, we don't want to come out. The phone will ring & we don't pick up. We don't return calls, we much more prefer God.

But, God is in His people. We see this, but, then we see the flesh, including our own. There is a certain amount of distrust & that is our biggest obstacle. Relationship is hard for us, there is to much work involved with having to overcome our senses. Our senses tell us more about the person than we would like, so it is easier for us to not build relationships.

There have been times when I've been asked to pray over someone & God has told me "No." I will say no, to the person, which causes confusion. I do explain why I won't, but they truly feel that God would never deny prayer. He does. Usually, it is because what they want prayer for is not in their best interest. This kind of thing can cause talk among the people. Talk (gossip) cripples people. Not only does it cripple the target of the gossip, but, it cripples the talker. Gossip sends the Christian sensitive running to their place of isolation.

So, we keep quite & to ourselves. Once in a while we may stick our heads out, only to be struck again. God showed me a vision once. In the vision I was walking up to a guillotine for my execution. I was in such peace. There was no fear & I felt warm & safe. When I got to the top of the stairs, I saw Jesus standing there waiting for me. He told me that He would never let anyone cut my head off. That He was my protector & redeemer. To spread the word & trust in Him.

I hold on to that. But, I still prefer to isolate. I have however, stepped out of my isolation a bit & exposed myself to the people. I am careful & expecting. What do I expect? Persecution, gossip - a lot of negatives. Can I take it? Yes. Do I what to? No. Will I? Yes.

I don't like people. But, with the supernatural power of the Lord Jesus Christ, I will endure. With His love all over me, I will love. With His grace all over me, I will forgive. He made me this way for a reason & I will walk in it. It is a struggle, but, I hold on to the goal.

Find the purpose of your existence. Take hold of your purpose & see it through. It may be hard, but, in the end, God will bless you. "The goal set before you" find it, pursue it.


Phelan said...

I thought you liked people, and my loathing of people came from something else. Now I know better.

I don't see you getting too hasseled here, but as I told you before, it could happen and take it with a grain of salt.

love ya.