Friday, March 21, 2008

The Future

I had my first child when I was 18 years of age. I went on to have 3 more. I was married to their father for 16 years. He has now passed. I have been married now for 13 years and in that 13 years have taken care of my mother for 5 years.

I have always taken care of someone. But, now my children are grown and gone and yesterday, I put my mother into a nursing home.

I still hear my mother at home and still try not to wake her in the morning. I think through out the day what I need to do next for her.

My husband and I are alone. No one is dependent on me any longer. It is a weird feeling for me. I will, of course, be focused on my husband. But, we are both so independent that he really does not have to depend on me.

So, my life has changed in a huge way. I, for the first time, can make choices that do not depend on whether I can take a dependent along. I will have freedom that I have never experienced in my adult life. Whoa, it is almost overwhelming.
I feel, some how, unbalanced. I suppose this is all about empty nest. But, my house is rarely empty. People come and go most of the day and the phone rings constantly. What I don't want to do, is fall into caring for others and making them dependent on me.
So, I seek God, in my new found freedom. What will He want from me? In asking that, I feel excitement. Truly there is nothing more exciting than watching God maneuver your life into the unknown. I will go peacefully down that road and enjoy every minute of it. My prophetic team is formed and that I know will be used by God. His plan is laid out and I will obediently walk that out.


Lapa said...