They Have Not My beauty, Continued

Several months before Phil passed, I had been at a meeting with a hand full of Christians. They were chatting to each other when I heard one say, "You know that what Satan has meant for evil God will turn to good." At that moment God said to me in a not so happy voice, "Stop saying that. You have turned My words into a cliche. In your finite minds you look at something & see ugly & define it as evil. How dare you. How do you know that what you define as ugly or evil is not My hand at work." This taught me to reassess everything I see & hear. Now, if I see something that I may define as ugly or evil I ask God,"What are you doing here?"

When I left Phil's apartment that night I began to talk to God. I had been calm & put together up till then. I could not get the smell or sight of Phil out of my mind. But, when I prayed I had one question. "God, I don't understand. You say that we are wonderfully & perfectly made. That was not perfect or wonderful. How can our bodies become so disgusting?"

Now, I know to you (the reader) this question may seem silly. The answer looks pretty obvious. But, there was a dept to my question that even I did not understand. I did however, keep asking the same question, but, God was silent. He was not talking to me.

I went home and washed my clothes, took a shower & put lotion on that I continued to wear under my nose for the next twenty four hours. It covered up the stench that I could not get away from. I did not sleep much that night. I just kept asking "Why?"

The next day I looked for help everywhere. Had women praying for me, talked to my pastor, and tried to read my Bible. I could not concentrate on reading & God still wasn't talking.

My husband & I went to Phil's apartment & moved out the mattress,pillows and rug. Then we went to burn them at his parents. I found Phil at 8:30 pm the previous night. We arrived at Dwayne's parents home at 8:00 pm the next. I felt so lost & confused. I needed God to talk to me & yet he was so silent. I was beginning to get desperate for answers. I broke away from the family and walked outside. Looking up at the night sky, I actually yelled, "God, talk to me." Then God began to speak.

"I have shown you a body that has not My beauty. There are many that walk among you that have not My beauty & you are sensitive to them.' Now, I really had no idea what that meant, but, I was so happy & relived that God was again talking to me that my memory of the event began to fade as well as the smell. I ran in & told everyone what God had said. "What does that mean." That stopped me for a second but, then I was off again with joy knowing that God answers all prayers & that He would make clear what He was saying.

I went home to pray & read the Word of God. Still I could not Read my Bible. I sat it down & picked up the book of Enoch. In Enoch it said, that angles still fall from heaven & mate with human women & then create giants. I heard God, at that moment "They have not my beauty."

I should give you a little history of Enoch just in case you do not know. Enoch was a friend of God. God called him friend. Everyday God & Enoch would walk together & talk. One day God & Enoch waled off together & Enoch never returned. I want to be like Enoch. To have God take me into His confidence. It says in the Word of God that he will take you into His confidence & I pray for that often. Enoch wrote down His conversations with God. The book of Enoch. It was included in the Old testament. Jesus even quoted from Enoch. But, at one point in time, it was taken out of the old testament. It was decided that it was to deep, frightening and confusing. I read Enoch.

So, I believe that God was telling me that he purposely showed me, "I have shown you", a body "without His beauty" to tell me that there are people on this earth who have not the Spirit of God. That are formed to do evil. He gave me an example. Here in the city of Wichita, Ks. there was a serial killer named BTK. He terrorized our city for thirty years. He came from a good family and had a good up bringing. Yet, the evil in him was & is so dark that he even took one of his victims & put her on the altar of his church. Already dead, he laid her there to fulfill one of his sexual fantasies. "He has not my beauty."

This event was not pretty, but, it was of God. I was the only one concerned about Phil, because that was the way it was suppose to be. This was designed by God for me. He took me into His confidence & showed me the unknown. One of the things he said was that I was "sensitive to them." This is very true. But, I can honestly say that even though I can feel the evil around me, I have never been around someone that is completely void on His beauty. I can only assume that I am being prepared for that time. In God's mercy I will be ready.

My dear reader, "There are many that walk among you that have not "His" beauty." Stay in prayer. Be concerned about your brother or sister. We have the beauty of God. Let's let in shine.

If this seems confusing or vague let me know & I'll try to explain more clearly. It is, at times, difficult to describe the things of God with our limited vocabulary.