Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
I was called a peacemaker once, but does being a peacemaker include lying to accomplish the peace?
I was in a meeting, it was more of a confrontation over a woman's behavior in the church. I sat there with the woman, the Pastor and his wife.
I do not remember what I said, but it set off a bomb. I, in my stupidity, did not think it a big thing, but it turned out to be huge. I was repeating something that the Pastor's wife had said to me.
She denied that she had said this to me. I was taken off guard. She was lying and I was at a loss. The meeting got weird then. She went into a rage and the Pastor did not try to control the room. I watched her freak out and wondered at what I was suppose to do.
Still, I did not know how to calm the situation. I felt like I had to tell the truth, but this problem was not going to resolve itself and no one else in the room was trying to step in.
My thoughts went to, "you are going to have to swallow this one". But, how? If I lie, I am in sin. If I keep telling the truth, this woman is going to have a heart attack.
So, I made a decision and while asking forgiveness in my head, I said out loud, "I'm sorry. I must be mistaken. Will you forgive me."
I felt terrible and a bit confused. I lost a lot of respect for the Pastor's wife, the Pastor, and felt I had disrespected God. I deliberately sinned.
I was told later that this was being a peacemaker. I am sure that most peacemaking experiences do not include a lie. But, I saw no other way out. So, I confess publicly that I have sinned and have come short of the glory of God. For this I am sorry and have asked forgiveness from God.
I have felt pain over this ever since. It comes up in my mind every now and then and again I repent. Perhaps it is Satan who brings it up in my mind, but my shame remains. I know that my Father has forgiven me. But, my sadness over my lack of ability to resolve this problem without a lie, continues to take a toll on me and bring me to my knees.