Tuesday, July 1, 2008


I, mostly, have been sitting in my home for several weeks. I have had a couple of counseling appointments and did take a road trip with my daughter. I sit and wait for God to bring me a word or notion that will help me walk out of this depression.

Last night, I could not sleep. I have slept for 2 days and last night nothing. But, while trying to sleep I heard from God. He told me, "You love your mother but you are angry with her". I was glad to hear from God and thanked Him but, I am not sure what to do with that.

It makes sense to me that I am angry with her. Forgiveness does not mean that all those feelings suddenly go away. So, I must contend with my anger. So, what to do with anger. Giving it to God is easier said than done. I would suppose the next question would be "do I want to get rid of my anger"? One would think that I would, but I have certainly held onto it for a lot of years. I then would say, that it has become familiar to me and since I have intimate relationship with this anger, I probably do not want to say goodbye to it.

So, there in lies the root of my depression. My mother is gone and I have nothing left to continue to be angry with. Another sad situation that I have gotten myself in.
I have made a decision this week. I will live out the rest of my life has healthy and happy has I can. So, that means I will give up bad habits and eat healthy. Well, has healthy has I can with the price of food right now. This decision was made this weekend while I laid around in pain. Then God brings me a word that truly fits my decision.

Working on giving up my anger is a challenge. First, I did not realize I was angry. But, it makes sense. Second, I do not know how I will accomplish this. But, I will focus and try. God gave me the word so I could be set free and I will be free indeed. Praise God for his mercy.


FishHawk said...

One of the more wonderful things about being made so abundantly aware of the fact that our Heavenly Father really is more responsible for our actions than what I had been taught is how much easier it now is to forgive those who have done me wrong. For how can I justify being so angry with them when it may very well be that what they did was not entirely (nor even partially) their fault??? On a more personal note: this has certainly helped me to find some peace about the relationship that I had with my own parents.

Given55 said...


Thank you for the encouragement and advise. I do appreciate it.